My partners cousin is obsessed with my baby

Sounds very weird to me.

few texts from other members of the family asking why I have changed my working schedule and that said cousin will loose money that she puts away to save to buy a house.

Boofuckinghoo. Well done Op.

Well done op. This is the way to go.

If you don't make a big deal of it, it's a lot more difficult for them.

Re her losing money, it's not your responsibility, she can look elsewhere for employment.

It's took me ages guessing what LO was. In the end I gave in and googled it .I wish people would just say what they mean instead of these stupid acronyms it's so distracting.

"As for the "its your hormones tricking you" comments thats blatant gaslighting in fact it isn't your hormones its your maternal instincts telling you something is wrong and not right with the behaviour so trust them"

Absolutely agree with WickedWitchOfTheEast87 on that! And I'd be putting that point to any of your OH's family that pull that shit on you from now on.

Well done on the actions you've taken so far.

Well done @Mummyme12345 also those saying she’s losing out saving for her house - err, no. Plenty of other ways to earn to save. Not your problem and not your business.

Not doing or saying anything sooner was purely because I didn’t know if I was thinking rationally or not as I’m often told by his family (mostly female members) that hormones are a huge factor of my ways of thinking.

This is just sexist bilge. Your hormones are a factor in your ways of thinking, but other people's are not? A woman who gives birth is just as able to think rationally as anyone else.

You are doing the right thing in protecting your child and limiting contact with the cousin. I would also be limiting contact with anyone spouting insulting and sexist nonsense like the above.

Wow trying to guilt you into siphoning your family money into cousins pockets so she can buy a house is awful. Presumably you have things you would like to save for too and aren’t a bank. She can work for someone else.

Well done for sorting it all in a way that can just be “it’s so much better for us as I can see more of the baby”. Ignore the texts etc they are just fussing.

Well done op for advocating for yourself and your wee family. The money issue is neither here nor there as she can go find a part time job elsewhere - not your problem to solve.

Your hormones aren't something to be dismissed as 'tricking' you.

They're part of your survival and maternal instincts that keep mothers and babies safe.

Their behaviour is gaslighting because they're more sympathetic of their relative's wants than your and your baby's needs.

You've been sensible Op, your baby won't be little forever and now you'll get to care for her yourself. The cousin's obsession needed dealing with, no matter how much she wants a baby doesn't give her rights to yours. Ignore the family, at 19 she's not a DC to be indulged

@Mummyme12345 Well done! You are protecting your baby and your partners cousin comes across as highly manipulative and unhinged. Her comments about your baby being her baby when you die and the grief she gives your family and friends if they look after her are such big red flags Stevie Wonder wouldn't miss them and as for the rest of the family I agree with another poster to distance yourself from them too as they enable the cousin.

Also you should talk with your partner about what to do when you are around the cousin and the rest of the family because now you have restricted her access to your baby she will be pushing and trampling your boundaries when you are around her because no doubt she will take your baby off of you and won't give her back. Expect tears, tantrums and the flying monkey's to pressure you. Expect gaslighting, boundary pushing, jealous and territorial behaviour because it will likely escalate especially when you're standing strong and firm.

Already the manipulation and gaslighting has started with the comments about cousin losing the money to guilt you into allowing her to babysit. I would have replied "maybe she can do odd jobs for you all if you feel so strongly about it". Don't ever trust the cousin or let your guard down with her and keep telling yourself you are protecting your baby. I can only imagine what sort of venom she would whisper in your baby's ears as she gets older if she can be so brazen as to say what she has to you already.

As for the "its your hormones tricking you" comments thats blatant gaslighting in fact it isn't your hormones its your maternal instincts telling you something is wrong and not right with the behaviour so trust them

Well done OP. Sounds as if you're sorting this out. Good to hear that your OH agrees that not making this a big thing is the way forward. Your family, your decisions and all that.
Enjoy your weekend.

No response needed on those messages asking why youve made changes and yhe cousin was saving gor a house deposit. Theres other jobs she can take to earn money. Not your problem. Youve done the right thing.

The scenario is really disturbing and I’m glad you’re taking it seriously. I’m mostly commenting to say I think that she and the other family members will keep pushing and you are going to have to keep on affirming your boundaries and distancing yourself. I think this could be potentially dangerous situation if this woman is allowed to continue.

Great update.
Mute the rest of the family and don't engage.

I still don't understand why your partner's family treat your child as a piece of baggage to be passed around or why they want this level of involvement. It sounds way too claustrophobic.

Well done you!
None of their business as to why you have changed your work schedule.
If the cousin needs money to buy a house, she is now free to find another/additional job; it is not your problem.

Am sure the family will continue to text you in the weeks to come but hold firm as eventually they will get the message. They do not have any rights over your baby or over you. I , personally, would keep my distance from them as long as possible. If you do have to see them then never leave your baby alone with them and make it clear that if the nonsense starts up again, you and baby will be straight out of the door.
Good luck for the future and thank you for the update.

Those other family members can hire cousin to do stuff. It's not your job to fund her house.

Good for you on saying no.

My mother was fiercely protective of me, her only child. Once when I was 12 I had a teacher who bullied and mocked me. I was very quiet and bookish but she really had it in for me. I eventually near the end of term and the school year broke down and told my mother everything. School had already broken up and I was going to a new school so my mother hadn't raised it eith the school.

At some leaving function my teacher Mrs B, with a broad ingratiating smile came towards us. My mother gave her a very hard stare which somehow telegraphed the utter contempt she felt for her. Mrs B stopped midstride, wheeled about and took off in the opposite direction without my mother saying a word. I have always admired my mother for that.

Be my mother. She wouldn't have cared less for your partner's family. If her husband had suggested she was less than rational because of hormones she would have called him an idiot. You have a 12 month old, not a newborn.

There is no way I would allow your partner's crazy relative around my child filling her mind with who knows what. Remember what the Jesuits used to say which was along the lines of give me the child for six years and I'll give you the man. I wouldn't let her be an early influence on my child.

Who cares if the cousin is emotionally vulnerable? She's got parents - she lives with them. Your only and primary responsibility here is to your child. The fact they have convinced themselves that this lunatic behaviour is normal and you are being unreasonable is on them. I mean she told you that when you died she'd have your baby - a baby who is a cousin once removed. You can't reason with crazy.

Agreed. Since they seem to think it's fine I would not trust them alone with my child. They are liable to have crazy girl hidden waiting for OP to leave.

"My OH family are like a pack of wolves… as soon as I make my feelings known I’m being silly and the whole family turns on me"

"not doing or saying anything sooner was purely because I didn’t know if I was thinking rationally or not as I’m often told by his family (mostly female members) that hormones are a huge factor of my ways of thinking"

I'd be holding the rest of his family at a distance too. Anyone who does not see this 19-year-old's comments as a huge red flag is, frankly, as batshit as she is.

Absolutely! OP do not feel guilty for a single second you are completely in the right! Well done!

Also op is not obliged to provide a top up income for the cousin.
I wouldn't be replying to texts etc for peace and quiet I think I'd block for a bit.

Well done! Feels good to set and assert a boundary.

And as for those stickybeaks already picking and prying into why you're changing your schedule - it's none of their fecking business!!!

Don't answer any of them. None of them have a right to your private information.

(And she's already got a job, hasn't she).