My partners cousin is obsessed with my baby

At best this is very odd behaviour that I would find really annoying. At the worst she is possibly seriously unhinged and is dropping clues about how she is thinking and what she might even do. I would be quite worried about her mental stability and potential to cause harm. I realise that it would be quite inconvenient as she is fulfilling a useful role in providing childcare. But I probably wouldn’t want to leave my little one with her unsupervised.

She wouldn't be allowed within a hundred yards of any child in my family, the absolute freak.

Your OH needs to man up and lay down the law.

I think you've made the right decision. Her behaviour was very odd and seemed to be escalating. It's so weird that his family were totally against putting in boundaries but seem unable to understand why you wanted to reduce contact. It does sound like they enjoyed their side of the family being more involved than yours.
Out of curiosity, when she offered to have the baby on Sunday would she have expected to be paid for that time?

She sounds a bit mad. Is she lonely? Does she tend to form attachments quickly? A baby is ideal to attach to as they can't reject you as easily as an adult.

If I were you, I would honestly lessen her contact with her. Let her see her, but no babysitting or any kind of alone time. I don't know her, but she sounds unhinged.

He needs to tell his mum that HE'S not happy with it, not blame it on you.

He needs to bring it up with his family, and tell them that HE'S not happy. It's his family, he needs to sort it.

In the meantime, don't let the cousin see your LO - just be busy and make excuses.

Indeed.

I was wondering why everyone seems to be so determined that everything is OK & cousin should just be allowed to carry on as she wants!

What is it to them?

Also I think tell them a whole lot less about things!

The whys & wherefores aren't their business.

You don't need to explain anything to her or your husbands family, this is your child, not theirs. Make it very clear that you decide who babysits and you and OH alone. If cousin kicks up, invite her round to see your daughter but make sure you're there with her, she sounds like she has MH problems. If anyone from your husband's family aske why she can't babysit any more, just say there are so many people willing to do it, its not fair on cousin and leave it at that. Don't argue, don't stay so you can be questioned and undermined, just leave. If they phone make sure you control the conversation by saying that you can only talk for a few minutes as you're on your way out and end the call when you feel uncomfortable. In all honesty OP you and your husband need to step up on this one as there's very little respect for both of you coming from his side of the family and hiscousin sounds very unstable.

Was going to put something to this effect. If she’s free to babysit in the evenings, she could now advertise her services in the community FB page and find herself some clients outside the family too.

That’s extremely generous of you to pay her what you pay a childminder
childminders have many expenses and certainly don’t earn all of that £68.
she sounds batty, glad you are limiting time

@JustCrow this! Couldn't have put it better.

She is 19. If you read op's posts, you would have seen the age!

Cross post. I was going to also say baby sitting then thought better of it…

Forgot to say, as for the cousin and money, she can get an evening job herself. Or the family can all dip in their pockets. You don’t have to justify your reasons, which can be as simple as wanting to save money for your own little family and recognising all this babysitting was getting too expensive.

had a few texts from other members of the family asking why I have changed my working schedule and that said cousin will loose money that she puts away to save to buy a house.

Hardly. She's free to take a part time job elsewhere or babysit for other people.
You need your money for your baby. Don't pay for services you don't need.

I am really pleased you’ve managed to find a way to protect your baby. It’s actually a lot more difficult when the dcs are older and autonomous. We have a current situation with someone, who managed to wheedle their way in with our mentally unwell dd, telling dd she’s part of their family etc. In the beginning it was meant well but it’s got so incredibly toxic. We are finally in a position to be able to put up a boundary up as dd is getting a bit better. We couldn’t risk it before and this person is kicking off big time. They over identified with my dd and has been actively trying to rescue her. Real karpman triangle stuff with me as the perpetrator and dd as the victim. Please don’t let your guard down with this cousin. She may keep trying.

I think this young woman is really disturbed. She's obsessed with your LO and that obviously clouds her experience of reality. I guess she maybe makes pretend that your baby is hers? Out on a walk or in a playground? I would never-ever let her have my child again.

@Mummyme12345 you really need to state her age for context. Is she a teen? Still in school? Or is she 35 or 40?

Find a nursery for childcare, stop unsupervised access. This is so not healthy on so many levels. She needs to accept you are the parents, you decide who looks after your daughter and I would tell her that having a tantrum when someone else holds or looks after my child will not be rewarded by having them more as a result. In fact I would make her the last resort on the planet bar the scum of the earth.

I would suggest telling her she will not be god parent as you feel she would lock your child away from everyone else in her life if anything happened to you and that she needs to accept she is not and will never be her mum.

I was on the fence about the first couple of comments made. Especially wondering if she would love her own children as much. I use to live with my sister (she was my legal guardian) and when she had her first baby, I looked after her every day whilst my sister went to work and uni. It was a genuine worry for me that I would love her more than my own children. Now I have my own, obviously I was just being silly and I love all my children and my nieces and nephews all for different reasons.

One or two comments alone could be taken as innocent but all of them together are really really odd. Since it is your partner’s family, he should be stepping in and back you that what she is saying and doing is beyond strange. If you have to cut her off and anyone else that doesn’t agree with you then so be it, it’s safer that way!

Shut that down right now and establish boundaries. That is obsessive and could lead to her trying to take your baby. I know you don’t want drama but she’s obsessed and you need to shut it down.

This is very weird, and inappropriate behaviour by her. How can the family not see this?

No wonder you feel so unsettled.

Your husband needs to see what she is saying as it is. He needs to get the blinkers off! It is highly inappropriate what she is saying!

It’s really not you.

Stop allowing her to look after your child. Simple as that.

I’ve not read all of the thread but she’s still young, is she young minded? Some of the things she has said are out of order, but does she mean them in the way she says them? I wouldn’t cut contact completely, as a child can never have too many people who love them. As the years go by hopefully she will grow up a bit and be a little less impulsive/demanding as she starts her own family etc. Maybe just take a little step back for now, and try to put some boundaries in place. It’s likely your daughter loves her too, so supervised contact will be good for a while

Trust your instincts. Always. Your partner needs to back you up too.

Sometimes you have to protect your children from the very people who are supposed to care for them, and for me, that was the toughest and most surprising part of parenting. Good luck.