My partners cousin is obsessed with my baby

Gosh. Huge red flag. Well done OP. Sounds like you got a great solution in place. Reminded me of that film The Hand That Rocks The Cradle. Don’t doubt yourself in future.

OP, his family sound completely unhinged, not just his cousin.

Stop seeing so much of them.
Shut down their comments, ignore or mute texts.
Tell your husband to tell his family to STFU comments on you and your choices.

Consider moving closer to your family and away from his.
They really sound horrendous.

That cousin should never be left alone with your child again.

I don’t want to add to your worries but I think it will
potentially also get worse when your daughter is a year or two older and the cousin can than ‘explain’ to her not only how much she loves her but also how you are failing in comparison to her. She will ask all
those awful ‘ who do you love best?’ Type questions plus ‘ we have more fun than You and mummy do’ type comments and will seek reassurance from your child that she adores her, etc., etc. please please don’t allow her to ever spend time overnight with her. 19 is very young and she is still very immature so this helps explain her childlike, selfish comments. When she has her own baby she will drop
yours instantly and no other child will compare! But horribly worrying for you at the moment , I don’t think she’s mature enough to provide regular child care. Lots of love to you and I hope you manage to resolve this.

God she sounds absolutely unhinged and completely nuts. No way would I have her as a Godmother to my child. Actually, I really, genuinely dislike the idea of Godparents these days - and think it's something that needs consigning to the history books.

Virtually everybody I know who has had Godparents for their child - or had a Godparent themselves when they were a child (25/30/35 plus years ago,) don't have anything to do with the Godchild(ren) or Godparents anymore.

In fact, most people I know who become Godparents, don't have anything to do with that child after 5-10 years, because they're not friends with the parents or in their lives anymore. I think Godparents is an outdated thing and I certainly wouldn't have my partner's cousin as a Godparent to my child. There's no guarantee you'll even be with this person in 5-10 years. But even if it's a relative - like your own cousin - you may not be in contact with (or on good terms with) in a few years. And I particularly would NOT have this woman. She sounds utterly batshit.

What is the point in Godparents these days, seriously? Years ago, they were there to guide the child in the faith of Christianity, to be there for them throughout their upbringing, and to be there to raise them if you die.

Godparents don't generally do ANY of the above these days! (IME and that of most people I know!)

.

Well done OP! She sounds nuts. I think it is fine you for you to call her out directly if she makes anymore comments that are disturbing.

Personally, if she had said something along the lines of taking away the baby, I would have responded by looking her dead in the eyes and saying "That's funny, because I would rip the head off of anyone who tried to take my child away" and then see if the rest of that family enjoys the 'banter' 😄

I think you and your dh really need to get a handle on this. Who cares what family members say ? Reply with “yes I’m really sensitive, and that nutter is not having my baby” end of .
this woman sounds unhinged and I wouldn’t ever leave my child alone with her again. Her words and comments and barbed and I wouldn’t trust she is not going to try to harm you quite frankly.

It sounds like like she spends a lot of time with her so you cut this back. Yes, strange, she's said it all loud, so self belief she's not over stepping boundaries. Xx

Well done you!!! Amazing!!!

You absolutely should be uncomfortable with this. She wants to usurp you as your child’s mother. She wants all the joys of motherhood without the pregnancy/pain of childbirth/financial implications. She is being extremely weird and you need to stop alone time asap. The comments about when you die etc….i just can’t even. This girl is extremely unhinged. Keep her away from your baby, and any shite you get from DH’s family, get HIM to deflect, in an appropriate way, without throwing you under the bus (example : we <WE not DW> felt cousin was becoming weird/obsessive/creepy so we’re just giving her a bit of time to sort out her obvious mental health issues). So creepy

Omg, I would go no contact for a crazy like that! Does she know that she is not God Mother yet?

Then don't say it. That is Definitely not ok

This is giving..... The vibe of the film

"The hand that rock the cradle"

Fook that!

Why does this situation sound like the episode in Friends where Rachel’s other sister turns up and wants the baby?
Thing is that is fiction this one frankly sounds weird OP. Your husband’s cousin needs to grow up.

Your in-laws are waaay too invested and involved in your life. This reads as if they - somewhat aggressively- question your every decision and feel perfectly entitled to do so.
I truly hope your husband has your back about this because the cousin’s comments are hair raising and creepy.

This is off the scale not right. When I was young I watched several of my cousins kids regularly. I loved them dearly and looked after them (from young babies) like they were my own and showered them with love as is the way in our large family, but never once thought they were mine or should be mine. I would certainly never have tried to influence their upbringing in the way she is interfering. I followed their parents rules as best as I could, sometimes obviously you have to deviate in the child's best interest at the time. She sounds like an absolute fruit loop. I would be very, very wary of her bonkers behaviour. I'm puzzled why nobody else is seeing it! They must be as batshit as her. Having someone in the family to look after your child instead of a stranger should be an absolute relief and something you don't need to worry about, not this. Try working on an exit plan to her looking after your precious wee girl.

I would say “you’re being to clingy, I don’t think it’s healthy”.

Is she someone who has lost a baby? Yes she definitely has an unhealthy obsession with your child. I’d be scared thinking soap drama storylines here. Maybe she should get one of those reborn dolls

oh my god that kind of behaviour is absolutely not ok. Honestly I wouldn't know what to do in this situation either, but I do think you have to do something. It sounds like she's basically convinced herself that she's your child's mother. Get your kid away from her asap, that kind of behaviour is weird and not ok.

I agree with other comments that your dh has to stand up to his family. Your views about your child is paramount, not your MIL, FIL or cousin. Keep them at arms length until you have some agreement.

As I'm sitting here looking at my 1 year old girl, I'm feeling really uncomfortable and quite alarmed at the thought of someone saying those things about her. I'd be cutting contact with the strange cousin, and I couldn't care less if no one spoke to me again. Our job as parents is to protect our children, not please other people. I'd be worried she would abduct her, honestly 🙈 the whole thing just sets alarm bells ringing for me. Put your foot down and set some boundaries. This is your child and someone has said she will be hers when you die 😱😱 that's not OK!

One phrase said seriously to respond to her comments - “That’s not appropriate”.

Do not validate her in any way by pandering to any of her demands/expectations.

Be a united front with your husband.

Wow when I read the title of your post, I thought, get a grip, you can’t have too many people to love your children. BUT then I read the post, OMG she is really not right in the head, I don’t care what other family members say, this is not normal behaviour and it sounds quite dangerous that she is interfering in others looking after your daughter but especially her reaction to your relationship with your child. Keep her away as much as possible because it sounds like it will get worse and worse. 😱

OP this is giving “if I can’t have baby then nobody can” vibes. DO NOT LET HER ALONE WITH YOUR BABY AGAIN. God knows what she’s capable of. Cut her contact, supervise any time with baby, if she crosses any lines, further restrict contact. If family get unpleasant, restrict their contact too. You need to start acting more like baby’s mummy here. Oh and get DH on board - he’s sounds a bit wet tbh.

P.S. this is really tough and I do not envy your position at all. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.

Well done OP. I have read all your posts and think you have handled this very well

Fizzle her out