My partners cousin is obsessed with my baby

It sounds like your dh is supportive, with the update which is a huge relief as she sounds unhinged. The answer to when you die I’ll be her mum is ‘we have made a will and baby Sarah’s guardian will be my mum or my good friend, they’ve both offered and it would depend on their circumstances at the time.’ (Word them up, doesn’t have to be true) no more politely batting it away, and no more unsupervised time ‘your comments have upset me- you should know that good mums do not leave their baby with someone who jokes about the mum dying and about baby being theirs. It’s not a joke and it’s not funny, Sarah is my baby.’

That's not a difference in humour it's seriously fucked up behaviour on the cousins part and his family for condoning it

What do you mean down your neck?

Can you give specific examples of who does and says what?

Tell them it's for her own good as she's becoming obsessed and you're worried it will stop her going out and making her own relationships.

God my blood ran cold at "when you die she will be my baby" what an unhinged thing to say to a person! That's seriously disturbing, 19 is plenty old enough to know better.

I agree with PPs you need to start making you own plans and start limiting the time she spends with your child. It might be uncomfortable having less free time and childcare but that's the payoff isn't it?

WRT the godparent thing, pick a close friend and stick to your guns before she offs you because she thinks she'll get custody as the "godmother".

Are you and your partner from the same culture/background?

Your OH needs to emphasise that it is not just you objecting to his cousin's comments, he doesn't like them either. I don't think there is any danger of her replacing you in your child's life but it feels unhealthy for her to be so obsessed. You may have to cope with less help with childcare, however.

How often does she actually have your child and for how long?

@Mummyme12345 Read what I said. Tag me in your reply, tbh I gave you the best advice. Cut complete contact. Then police if need be. She’s a weirdo.

Do you have to be in the same house as her or can you avoid her?

She sounds totally unhinged and one step away from kidnapping.

DH needs to get her told directly and not via his Mum or (presume) sister.

You are not being sensitive… your OH needs to say to his family these comments are not on and do not say it’s @Mummyme12345 being sensitive as it’s rude…

Your OH needs to intervene and or get distance from the whole family, your whole post made me uncomfortable. It’s lovely his family love your DD but she has taken it too far

Get Either your family or childcare options to look after your DD if needed

ps I’m so jealous of a good sleeper baby

How often are people watching your daughter? Are you working full time?

I wouldn’t let her do any babysitting outside of work, and start finding another plan for work.

For her comments stop joking. Just say something rude and blunt. “That’s an awful thing to say” and if someone defends her say the same.

How would your OH feel about cutting, or at least reducing, contact with this cousin? It sounds like he understands that it upsets you, is he willing to take any action to support you?

Hi, I’ll be straight up. Please, don’t feel obliged that you must keep contact with this woman. You just maintain the relationship with you and your child and not allow another person who’s not the child’s parent to ever get in the way. Never allow another person to try and imprint the motherly instinct on your child. Tbh if it were me in your position. I’d cut contact, I wouldn’t even let her around my house, avoid his side of the family functions etc… and if she ever turns up. Don’t answer the door and tell her you’ve got flu and in the future make it well known that you’re keeping yourself to yourself. Your busy. You’ve got plans with people she doesn’t know. You’ll be in touch as and when you feel it’s necessary. Please Read up the stories about limiting people around your babies. You are not, what so ever, obliged to
let anyone hold, touch, kiss or even be around your baby. That emotional bond needs to be maintained between you and your partner. You only get this time once. You don’t get to do it all over again. Cut all contact and make it well aware to her that her actions and comments are bang out of order. If she comes knocking etc… ring the police for harassment. That’s how weird she’s being from what I’ve read. I’d definitely, definitively not want a sick weirdo like that around my child. Hope you get it resolved and do the right thing, what’s best for you and your family. I wish you the best of luck. Kind Regards.

This op is only a problem if your dh allows it to be a problem.

I 110% wouldn't be letting her have unsupervised time with baby and I'd really be stepping back the amount of time she's spending with your baby those comments and behaviours are absolutely not normal or acceptable.

I think you need to sit down with your dh and tell him very clearly that you don't know what's going on with his cousin but you feel deeply uneasy about these comments (and clarify to him which ones) and tell them that you no longer feel comfortable with her babysitting and that you are concerned about the family backlash so you need his support and to know he'll have your back with this. And then he needs to step up.

If she becomes difficult about it I'd tell her very directly that she's made a number of comments now that have undermined you and made you both feel uncomfortable so this is the decision you've both taken. Don't get drawn into any other debate about it. If his family kick off then that is a dh problem usually solved with a very clear "This is a joint decision you will not speak badly about my wife. Cousins comments have been unacceptable end of. "

Maybe she really wants her own children and isn't in the position to, but those comments are really out of line.

How old is she? Does she work? Does she have a partner?

I think I'd deal with it on a case by case basis,
”when you die she will be my baby" respond that you're not going anywhere.
“I’m scared to have a baby just in case I don’t love her as much as I love her” respond, don't be daft!
“I don’t want my own baby I want this one” respond that she's not having her.
“it makes me upset that you are her mum and I’m not” respond that she'd better get used to it!

You need to put a stop to it as soon as possible.

And I agree with a PP, if other family members ask, tell them the truth.

Or better still, just stop discussing it with them.

Use the @buttonand scroll who you.
Use the @ icon and scroll who you want to reply to

You can quote people to reply to them