My partners cousin is obsessed with my baby

Yet you still feel happy to leave your child whilst you have a break with friends?

What”s your priority here?

@Mummyme12345 how old is the cousin?

Ok this is gaslighting you.
You deal with it by pointing it out to whichever prick is blaming your hormones.
Listen to your gut OP.
If the relationship with this cousin doesn't feel right then you need to sort out alternative care arrangements. You are the Mum here.
Find your confidence and step up.

Have you asked her how she would react if she had a baby in the future and you said those things to her, and refused to let anyone else in the family look after her baby? She might recognise how unhinged she is being if she gains a bit of empathy, apparently for the first time in her life?

@Mummyme12345 something similar happened to an old friend, someone who was very involved in the child’s care started to say concerning things, escalated to claiming she was the real parent.
It turned out to be the start of a very serious mental health episode for the former carer, so please trust your instincts on this one

Why are you asking her to provide childcare?

That is too creepy. She has overstepped the line. Reduce contact. Not normal or acceptable IMHO.

This 🙏

You don’t need to make a big announcement but you need to back away NOW from her and his family. Never ever ever let her look after the baby again. Not for one second.

You need to trust your instincts on this. Don’t let them talk you around. You are over riding your safety signals. Good luck.

Agree. Your cousin’s feelings sound like they have deepened and strengthened over time, enabled by family members. As a mother, you would do anything for your child and if she is starting to feel like your daughter’s mother then I would be very concerned about where you fit into the picture.
I don’t think drawing attention or batting away her comments as daft will help. It may make things worse and make her more determined, possibly enlisting family members to support her and go against you. Withdraw from her slowly but decisively without making it about her but about your baby, partner and you and your family time.
Perhaps I have watched too many dramas but there is a whole parade of red flags marching round my head.

Completely over the top.

It sounds as if you have put a solution in place. Hopefully if her behaviour is just a blip, her not seeing your daughter regularly will stop her. However, if she does indeed have some form of mental disorder, taking her contact away from your daughter, could intensify her behaviour. So you need to monitor the situation closely. Her Mum is burying her head in the sand, the comments aren't normal, and come across as unhinged. To make the comments in the first place, means she has a serious lack of self-awareness and what's appropriate behaviour. I agree with another comment, definite 'Hand that Rocks the Cradle' vibes, that is creepy and unnerving.

OK I don't normally get compelled to comment but I totally remember what it is like being a new parent, people telling me what im meant to do etc, but you sound like an adult with their head screwed on, you run your own business, and very rightfully unsettled by some inappropriate comments. One comment on their own might be dismissed as odd humour and banter but if this is a collection of them, a theme, then please please consider, if she's saying these thing l things to you, what kind of things is she saying to your child when she's alone?

As baby gets more understanding of things, she's absorbing all that - and this whole thread of reactions is telling you that you're not being oversensitive, his family are biased and blinded to what's ok/normal.

I hope you can get your dh to either read this thread or get on board with how it's not ok to talk like that constantly, and it sounds even more unhealthy that the whole family is treading on eggsgells to avoid fallout from this cousin if she doesn't get her way. Good luck - not sure if an abrupt end is best or gradually weaning her away from your baby tho

OP - with respect - you need to grow a backbone here. You say if you say something it causes murders. Let it! If you don’t start being firm now and shutting down these comments and behaviours firmly and right away, you’ll regret it. There’ll be bigger battles and problems ahead with her and the rest of that family. Set your stance out now. I wouldn’t let her anywhere near my LO now, well meant or not.

If people were telling me I'm silly to be upset, my response would be "either she really means it, or she doesn't and she's making it up to be dramatic and self-centred. Which are you saying it is, because either way it's not behaviour I will accept? "

Then stop using her as free childcare? Quite simple really.

Yes, was going to suggest this. Needs doing either way but maybe this will focus you to prioritise it... she sounds at best very socially unaware and unpleasant.

It’s not your hormones, those comments crept me out and I’m not even a parent! It’s not up to her to decide who else can spend time looking after your baby, either.

I wouldn’t give up work. Just use paid childcare offered by non-loons.

Sorry. Didn’t RTFT. Must stop doing that.

Just tell your partner to step up and take over in the evenings. You don’t have to take time off work. But you should look at cutting down your hours, for your own sake.

Is your husband one of the people telling you that it's your hormones playing tricks on you?

I would be extremely cold to any such unhinged statement.

"I am going to be her mum when you die." Ice-cold "wow", turn, ignore.
"Why can't I look after her instead of Y." - Raised eyebrow, no engagement.
When she wants to have the baby alone. - "No, that won't work for me." Strictly no exchange of arguments.

And so on.

Don't try and make them understand. Just hold the boundary.

I wouldn't suggest to anyone that I would like to take their child away, even in joke and even to a family member. It has felt so creepy when someone has said that to me, even when it was meant in a sort of praising way to my little baby.

Change what you DO.

Depending on your circumstances I would find a nursery or a childminder with a group of children and just enrol your little one there.

If asked, you and DH say that you decided that she needed wider socialisation with other children and adults. Join a babysitting club for evening babysitting. If challenged, just shrug your shoulders and say, ‘she’s our daughter’.

It is something to take seriously though. I encountered two women who massively overstepped the boundaries when my daughter was young (though older than yours and able to express herself). Suffice to say, judging by what came later, it turned out to be a huge red flag. (Daughter was OK).