My partners cousin is obsessed with my baby

Nip this in the bud now with the strange cousin.

She is obsessed and jealous.

Your baby is learning to speak - what might she say to the child as she gets older? I wish I was your Mum, I am a better Mum, your Mum does not love you like I do etc. If she can say her feelings aloud to you - what could she start saying to your child?

Get your DH on side and find an alternative source of childcare - maybe on your side of the family?

Good luck OP - you are the Mum and go with your gut instinct.

Hey just wondering if there was any updates on this one?

It feels really intense from what your saying. Really obsessive that poses a risk to be honest. I really dislike her comment about when you die even if it's all harmless because she adores her I really get the impression that this is over the top. I would be having to keep my distance and get another childminder. It all depends if you have a funny feeling trust it always

No, but it could be a REASON for the behaviour and would certainly affect the approach I took when approaching the subject with her.

I’m glad that hubby is doing his bit and you are going to put on a united front.
His cousin would scare the pants off me and keep me awake at night too she sounds unhinged tbh.
His cousin, his family, and they need to back off pronto.
She’s your baby not theirs and you can say or do what you want! If and when cousin has her own baby then they can interfere.
You sound like a wonderful mum and I’m also jealous of your wonderful sleeping at nights baby daughter! 💤 👶
Good Luck going forward to you and your little gorgeous family 💐

You need to stop worrying about what other people think and put your baby's needs and safety first. When you become parent you have that responsibility towards your child. There are so many red flags here that I would not be allowing her any contact with my baby tbh. Your husband needs to be 100% with you on this. "When you die...the baby will be mine" would worry me that she had plans to kill me. People show you who they are. Believe her. If need be write down what she says and when she says it every time she says something weird. A list in black and white might be more convincing to the rest of the family if you really feel like you need "evidence"

Also a christening doesn't have to be a huge event. The ceremony is usually done as part of the service on a Sunday, depending on your own faith of course. You could keep it quiet and when she finds out just say it was parents, grandparents and godparents only. Either way if you're surrounded by lots of other people she can't do anything.

Next time she wanted to babysit I would tell her no. " She is getting confused and unsettled so I'm going to spend the time bonding with her again . You have been amazing with her ,but she needs to spend more time with me. Maybe once she gets a little bit older you can have her again ?" Then you don't need to mention it again.

I did this once. I was helping my friend's daughter with something and found myself saying to the service provider: "Can you please help my daughter to...." I think it was because they had assumed she was my daughter and it was probably easier to go along with that rather than offer a long explanation. Thank goodness my friend wasn't there to witness it or she might have thought I was trying to steal her child!

There is real truth in this post. The cousin must have done a really good job of taking care of the baby up to now and I wonder if the baby adores her (babies seem to really love young people and can tell the difference between the very young and older from very early on).

Could it be that op is making a meal of throwaway comments and behaviours, talking them up into something more sinister? If not, when did things suddenly change as the 19 year old must have done a fantastic job for op to use her "services" so often.

Peoples language and way of expressing affection towards babies can be odd at the best of times eg: "I could eat her up" or "I'm going to take you home with me". She might be caught up in the moment, a bit socially clumsy and not realise how creepy it sounds. I would point it out to her on a case by case basis as @Oodiks suggested above.

This thread made me remember when I once accidently referred to myself as "mummy" when cuddling a friends baby - I was mortified! I don't know what happened! I didn't have kids of my own at the time but I honestly I didn't want her baby. My only explanation is that it must have triggered some sort of deep maternal instinct and my mouth engaged before my brain. I still remember the look on her face.

Show this thread to your OH so he can see all of these comments. Might strengthen his resolve regards the boundaries he’s going to have to set with his family.

Excellent update, OP. I don’t agree with pp saying having a family member to look after your child is so great when they make remarks such as the cousin has. Terrifying, frankly!

Oft this is giving "Hand that rocks the cradle" vibes

Please listen to your gut here.

It is NOT your responsibility to provide this (presumably unqualified and inexperienced) teenager with child-minding work at the rate of £17 per hour, just because she wants to buy a house some day. If the rest of her family care so much about her financial situation, they can step up and employ her to wash their cars or windows or do their ironing or cleaning, or focus on getting the skills and qualifications to help her in her chosen career.

If any other paid child-minder said these things, most parents would stop employing them immediately. I'm glad your OH has taken your concerns seriously, and you've been able to find a way to change the situation and spend more time with your LO.

She seems incredibly immature to me. I think your DH needs a straight talk with her but I would definitely limit contact. No-one should be making you feel like this

When they come back is "it's Your hormones" I would reply " There is nothing wrong with MY hormones thank you, but hers/yours are obviously all over the place"
when they say you are being Sensitive I would say I think you will find that anyone who hears these stupid comments from Your daughter / niece would start to question that person's mental health. These comments are not normal. Put it back on them. Whenever you feel the comments are getting too much I would keep saying about her mental health.
How old is she?
I would rethink the christening for the moment tbh if you haven't made any firm arrangements. Then distance yourself from her and anyone who queries it say
I think she is obviously going through some mental health problems with the comments she has been saying.
You sound as if you have child care help from others, I would use them more and if you can't go out because you don't have any care , so be it.

I find the reply..

“what an odd thing to say”

is a good response to when people overstep without you coming across as too dramatic. Say it with a weird smile on your face and carry on what you are doing. When the family/cousin mention things such as you dying reply with this and try and shift the weirdness onto them.

because honestly they are insane

Forgot to add, the pack of wolves family shouldn’t be a concern of yours when it comes to your daughter. Don’t let them gas light you. That side of the family are responsible for bringing about and condoning this concerning behaviour!

Your daughter only has you and her dad to advocate for her. The cousin sounds unhinged and if she is saying this stuff to your face i’d be concerned she might start doing weird things, either in front of you or behind your back. The comment about her having your daughter if you die and then wanting you to take steps to make that legally so (the godmother thing) is very concerning.

do you really have to rely on her to look after your daughter? I wouldn’t have her alone with my daughter after that, no way. This is the kind of person who will tell your daughter weird things when she’s older like “you can call me mum too”.

not worth my child’s mental physical safety

I think her family have over indulged her, perhaps because she is the youngest or even because she's grown up manipulating adults by having tantrums if she doesn't get her own way, so they say yes to placate her.

I work in mental health and with young people, and although she’s 19 and could be ‘young for her age’ my gut says she needs professional help.
At her age not understanding how she will love her own child in the same way is an alien concept for her. However the other comments are concerning and would indicate unhealthy understanding of boundaries and relationships, a genuine concern for me would be how much of a threat she sees you as and whether she would act on this.

I would advise not allowing her to look after your little one as this will increase her obsession with her, I’d also make sure that she is never alone with the baby. Family dynamics are hard but you need to prioritise yourself and your baby’s safety.

The whole situation and family are weird. Time to set boundaries. Forget about upsetting them. You're better off without them.

A mother's instinct is NEVER wrong! Trust your gut and do whatever it takes to protect yourself and your baby. Even if that means alienating all of OH family. Your child is your priority.

Be prepared OP for it all to kick off and get worse before it gets better now you’ve rearranged your work schedule. Hopefully not but likes of you being made out further to be the bad guy (after all the cousin did etc). Nippy comments via that side etc. If it happens…Just ignore it.
DH’s family don’t appear to have good judgement so be careful when DD with them that they don’t defy your wishes and allow the Cousin unsupervised access anyway.
With no to little contact hopefully the Cousin’s unhealthy obsession will wane. Plus it could be its the baby stage she has idolised. Once DD starts toddling and growing up that ‘playing with dolls’ draw could fall away. She clearly has a need in her your DD was fulfilling but even though young, those comments were not ok. Good luck and enjoy the Christening.