To think schools should have rules for everyone or don't bother having them

I can see how things like fidget toys and shoes could be about disability (e.g. A child may need orthopaedic footwear which may not be available in same design or colour as school shoes) but purple hair isn't an SEN. It's like someone with am SEN might need to play music in a public place, that is reasonable , but if they choose to do it without headphones that's taking the piss. I say this as someone who is ND.

While the examples you give create interesting points of debate, it might be worth you looking at the SEND code of practice and the Equality Act. It might help you to understand that, while rules/laws should apply to all, reasonable adjustments should be made to account for individual needs within the context of protected characteristics and SENDs.

Seeing as the whole point of school is to be there to learn in a variety of ways and studies show we learn best when we feel happy and comfortable. I think doing away with all the ridiculous nonsense rules would benefit everyone.

I have a child with SEN he isn't trying to stand out,be difficult or thinks he is special to not adhere to rules. He is quite literally trying to survive an environment he finds some days intolerable. Some days different socks and shoes make him feel a little more in control and comfortable to be in an environment he doesn't always understand and feels threatening. For someone who struggles to make friendships the fact he has sonic on his socks can help him navigate a really lonely environment.

I find it bizarre how much school want to teach kindness and inclusivity, yet how much they get hung up on uniform and rules.

I hated that my mum was a stickler for the school rules but nobody else’s bothered and the school didn’t care.

Everyone wore black trainers. I had to wear shoes. The uniform said something about ‘no fashionable styles’ which everyone had a fitted blazer, blouse and trousers. I felt like such a looser sticking to the rules.

I hated that the ‘cool’ kids got away with doing what they wanted. In the end I used to spend my own money on a secret stash of uniform that I used to change into.

I was jealous of the grammar school with them all wearing the same uniform. All had to wear the same blazer, blouse, skirt, coat, bag from the school shop.

To be honest, I think if a school is having to make a lot of exceptions to a rule as reasonable adjustment, they might need to think is the rule necessary at all?

I personally think it's more inclusive than the person who needs a unicorn headband for whatever reason than standing out. My son with a physical disability wouldn't use some of his support due to feeling awkward in front of friends. A small chikd might be fine in different supportive shoes, but a lot of teens want to fit in, so a wider variety of shoes for everyone woukd allow that.

I see some rules are needed and I see that sometimes adjustments are needed anyway. But my view is the more inclusive your start point, the less exceptions you need.

I would point out that just handing a kid a fidget toy from a bucket wouldn't have helped my autistic DS. He had one fiddler that belonged to him, he kept it safe, he loved the bloody thing. He didn't fiddle much, if at all, with it in lessons - he just had it like some sort of safety blanket. He's an adult and it's probably still in his room.

I didn't realise that's what it was called. It's crazy isn't it... do you want my disability? No. Just to have your own chair..

I hope they knitted quietly and not the clack clack clack noise or thats rude

There is a phenomenon in disability discrimination called 'chair envy' where non-disabled employees are aggrieved that the person with the long term musculoskeletal condition has a special chair. The non-disabled colleagues don't need a chair like that themselves, they just resent someone else getting something they perceived to be 'special'.

Yep I'm with you @Whatisgoingonheredear

When my two DCs were at infant school we got pulled up over a pair of socks. My DDs socks were apparently black when they only allowed navy blue. That bloody petty.

Cut to a week later when the school appeared in the local paper, with a photo showing 4 pupils smiling with the headteacher.

After the sock incident, those in the photo had:

One girl in a stripey pink cardigan, despite school dictating green school logo only
One boy in jeans, despite the school saying grey school trousers only
One girl in stripy knee socks which were neither navy or school appropriate
And another lad wearing a Nike hoodie, also not part of the uniform.

I cut it out, and placed a note with it for the divvy teacher who moaned about my DD's socks. Which, for the record, were navy in the first place.

They never moaned again.

Yeah this

Well lots of people concentrate better when doing something with their hands. Eg during my degree a lot of female student knitted. Before fidget toys my son used to fiddle with a paper clip.
One of my daughter's got special permission for a summer term to wear "doddles" as within a week of getting new shoes she lost them (actually put them away "safely" and forgot).
Some children really struggle to get to school at all, their families struggle to have them half decent.

On the whole rules should be enforced. But even the strictest school my children went to would show compassion.

And it's non of your business what problems other children have to deal with.

Depends on if your rules are sensible. Some of Your examples I suspect are to do with Special educational needs

Be aware that if a child needs insoles the pink stripes trainer or spiderman trainer may well be the reward for wearing them. Indeed they may be the only shoe that can fit them in.

Yes I agree about the fidget toys. But actually most schools simply don't have the finances to fund the endless supply of fidget toys that are needed.

It's up to parents to show good parenting and correct their child if they child makes ridiculous comments about behaving badly to get the same concessions as a child who has significantly more challenges than they do.