To think schools should have rules for everyone or don't bother having them

I agree

It's ridiculous to have one rule for some, but not others.

It also tend to backfire, and exclude the ones who have special "allowance". It makes them stick out like a sore thumb and not be exactly welcome by the others.

When my dc were infants, state primary, the uniform was v strict with every four year old having to wear a collar and tie even in summer.

what used to grind my gears was when a male teacher appeared at the door in cargo shorts, t-shirt and flip flops. Afaiac, if four year olds are expected to wear a collar and tie, socks and lace ups, I expect the professionally qualified grown ups to set an example.

It’s pathetic to be honest. School isn’t the place for sparkly nails, unicorn hairbands, bracelets, stripey socks or whatever other crap kids are trying to bend rules with. It’s not hard to find a plain pair of black socks, dark hair bands and no extras.
as for the trainers/shoes it’s harder. Not all shoes suit all feet. Perhaps that’s the shoe manufacturers who need to work on producing plain options in their kids range with school in mind.

I read the comments under the BBC artice on SEND provision yesterday before this thread and it made me think about how the rigid application of rules such as a colour of the hairband or a colour of a stripe on a trainer is a much cheaper but really poor replacement for quality education. It really does not matter imho.

I agree that rules like hair colour and stripe on trainers are unimportant and not worth enforcing. My youngest has wide feet and tip toe walks, we are very restricted with what shoes I can buy her.

My eldest DD has certain reasonable adjustments but often doesn't like to avail of them as she desperately wants to fit in, because she already doesn't in so many ways. I hate e.g. jeans for genes day, I've had to speak to school several times that saying oh just wear uniform if you don't want to wear jeans is not ok. She doesn't want to be the only one in a shirt and tie just because she can't tolerate jeans material.

I get my kids to follow the rules/guidelines Intell them to pick their battles and not to get in trouble for silly things.
And I trust the school/s to do what they think is appropriate for each child.
let the school get on with their job.

This strikes me as an equity v equality type situation. Some of the children you are mentioning will have allowances made due to their IEPs or EHCPs. I don’t know about the purple hair but certainly the fidget toys. I also suspect the child wearing the Spider-Man trainers will be doing so for a reason that you are not privy to.

I think you are getting yourself upset unnecessarily . There are many children in my child’s school not following the school uniform rules for a myriad of reasons but my child is absolutely fine going to wearing the correct uniform each day. Try to move away from a sulky mindset over it and see it as allowing everyone to access education.

At my DC’s secondary it was only those who were referred to as the ‘pronoun people’ that got away with (variously):

Elbow length lace gloves
Rainbow laces
Interesting coloured hair
Bull rings between their nostrils

I told my DC to identify as non-binary to see what could be got away with, but it was decided it was rapidly becoming uncool due to the teachers constantly pushing ‘gender identity’.

Otherwise, for everyone else, the school was decided hot on uniform crackdowns.

My son is type 1 diabetic and has to take care of his feet. He has issues with ingrown toenails and currently has an infection in one of them. He needed new shoes but he needs to break them in. Right now he is in trainers because it's all he can manage - school aware but they wouldn't discuss it with just anyone. Why would it be anyone else's business?

It can be tricky for little ones, but it's our job as parents to teach them that some people deserve a little more consideration than others for one reason or another.

I think it's perfectly fine for schools to set standards about uniform etc. but in order to be inclusive they can't be enforced all the time. So i think teachers will have a good idea of who has a genuine reason for not sticking to the rules.

I agree we could just make school a wonderful environment that supports everyone when they need it. I think this would be a wonderful starting point for going forward in the work place as well. With the mentality that we are all entitled to mental health days or taking a breather if we need. If that was instilled in us at school. Avoiding a us and them divide. I know lots of work colleagues who would benefit from some reasonable adjustments at work but they worry about being treated differently or making a fuss.

Gosh see i feel the opposite, that we must move away from this incredibly individualistic idea that the world will be shaped around us. We all need to return to accepting that to live in groups/as a society means accepting that things won't always be easy or comfortable for us, and we all need to take our turns at not having things exactly as we like them, to meet the collective need.

My DC struggle with this. In particular, the school talk about different "needs" etc and my kids find it confusing as to what makes Jenny's feelings about aspects of school a "need" that cannot be overruled, vs other children's wishes/dislike of similar things. They are very aware of who is "allowed" to have lots of rules adjusted for them and who isn't. They don't complain but find it confusing and I don't blame them.

But why can't you just say to her 'X might have purple hair, but in our family we don't colour our hair for school'?

You can actually set your own boundaries and have a conversation with your DC. Why do you need school to do it?

You can just say 'I don't know why X wears spiderman shoes. These are your school shoes.'

X's spiderman shoes are none of your or your DC's business anyway. It doesn't matter why they wear them.

Either way it's not a needed thing but a wanted thing . Which is fair enough but of course in no way comparable to a pupil with actual SEN needing a fidget toy, so actually a child feeling it's unfair is justified . That said sometimes it's good to tell children that life isn't always fair and to not sweat the small things.

This is why I hate petty uniform rules. Some people cannot adhere to them due to special needs or finances, some people won't adhere to them because they just won't and some people will adhere strictly and then feel aggrieved because others can't or won't.

DDs primary is really flexible, they have uniform guidelines but it's all unbranded, all available in supermarkets and there are options that suit every need.

They ask that everyone wear

• navy , black or grey - trousers, shorts, skirts or dresses
• white or blue - tshirt, polo shirt or shirt
• blue - jumper, sweatshirt or cardigan
• sensible, comfortable shoes

PE kit is - tshirt and shorts or joggers. Any colour

The only things not allowed are:

• football strip
• graphic tees
• open toed or backless shoes

It will all change when she goes to secondary and not looking forward to it.

I trust our school to know the children and families who need exceptions to the rules.

I don't love struct uniform rules, but I understand they're there and so we follow them. It doesn't matter what others are doing.

What do you mean you don't know?

If there were something happening to your child you would know what it was, surely.

I don't believe that they don't let a child wear trainers for PE due to a small colour difference.

If this were happening to your child, you would know about and would presumably speak to the school.

The problem with 90% (made up figure to get the point across) of the rules is that he have to be fluid.
Disability
LAC
FC
etc.

The bigger problem IMO is that schools don't make anything clear as to why the rules are being put forward differently to different children and some teachers do use them to pick on children that they don't like. But also that school SLT and HT will suddenly go mad for a rule that has been aloud to be lax for years and everyone gets caught up in the shit that this causes except for the chosen few.

Schools should have the ability to enforce sensible rules when appropriate. EG if dc has purple hair for personal taste, the school has no sensible sanction - so that dc just learns they can break the rules. It would be better for schools to just have rules that are necessary for learning, safety, etc and actually have the ability to enforce them.

EG if I scream at the teacher and leave the room because I'm overwhelmed the "reinforcement" of the rule could just be the teacher re-iterating that when I feel it building up, I can go to my safe space to decompress. So not a punishment for something I can't help doing, but some help to mean I can try and follow the rule in future.

Does your child want purple hair?

Isn't the answer simply that schools shouldn't have rules about things that don't affect education? Socks, hair clips colour of your hair? Madness.

It can be the same in some employment. In the late 70s I was called into the managers office because I wore a trouser suit. This was the days of the mini skirt, if you bent over or reached up, you were showing your underwear. That was apparently "professional" trousers were not. It was madness then, it's madness now.

I agree we could just make school a wonderful environment that supports everyone when they need it. I think this would be a wonderful starting point for going forward in the work place as well. With the mentality that we are all entitled to mental health days or taking a breather if we need. If that was instilled in us at school. Avoiding a us and them divide. I know lots of work colleagues who would benefit from some reasonable adjustments at work but they worry about being treated differently or making a fuss.