Withholding information is the same as lying, right?

Of course it's not the same. But, depending what it is, it could be just as upsetting as being lied to.

I think it is lying by omission, @NamsteinBed.

When your DH says ‘not mentioning something isn’t the same thing as lying’, my reply would be “It isn’t being honest either, is it.” I am willing to bet he knew that you would want to know this information, so his decision not to tell you was an active and deliberate choice - he didn’t forget to tell you, he decided not to - and that is dishonest.

Depends what it is and what it relates to. Didn't tell you he's been having lunch daily and secret phone calls with another woman, then he's a dick. Didn't tell you about something relating to his family or his own health that doesn't impact you, that's his own choice.

I think if knowing the information would have influenced your behaviour (i.e. you said you looked like a fool) and you had a right (or it would have been helpful) to know, then yes, it's lying by omission. Especially if the reason he didn't tell you was to avoid being pulled up for something that he shouldn't have done/was his fault. Obviously the caveat there is if you would jump down his throat for something minor/not your business etc then scrap that last bit. Basically if he's keeping something from you to avoid accountability, it's lying.

The keeping the ADHD assessment quiet upthread isn't the same IMO, and equates to being entitled to your privacy until you know what's what.

It's not the same thing, to lie you have to actively say something that is untrue. To not say something is very different IMO. We all have secrets we don't share or opinions we keep to ourselves, this doesn't make us all liars.

That said, in a marriage it's not ok to withhold information from each other and his excuse is a bit ridiculous. Plus if there is a chance someone else would tell you and you look a fool (as they did) then there is an even higher onus on him to tell you as a mark of respect to you.

YABU in your AIBU question but YANBU to be angry.

There is a distinction between

• lying, which is a positive act to deceive you by telling you something that he knows to be wrong, in the expectation that you will believe it to be right
• misleading by complete omission, or incomplete but individually true statements (the old "economical with the truth" issue) that create the impression of something without actually stating it.

But to the person being misled, it doesn't really change the end result, or the opinion of the person doing the misleading.

It does depend a bit on the situation. Some things up to him whether to tell you or not - personally I don't believe a married couple should always tell each other absolutely everything. Is it something that you need to know? Does it affect you?

No its not the same. Lying is lying. Withholding something is withholding something. Lying is saying something that isn't true.

I'd say no they're often respecting confidentiality

but if you knew the information... why did you wait a year to confront? I guess it depends what information they witheld?

you sound petty

being econimical with the truth isn't tecnically lying...
But, a shitty situation, nonetheless

I guess you'd call it a lie of omission. Totally depends what it is and why it's withheld

Ooh sounds like you won the lottery and got my ex! He used to say exactly the same thing to me! He was an abusive unfaithful bully.

I don't think it's the same no

But if he's withheld something he should have told you about then yes I can why you're pissed off

Completely depends on what it is.

Twice this year already I’ve “withheld” info from my DP - the first was an ADHD assessment (I didn’t want to tell him unless I was diagnosed, so that’s when I told him) and the second was that I thought I was in a lot of trouble at work (which I found out just before his birthday weekend and I didn’t want to spoil it because he would worry…I told him once I found out I wasn’t in any trouble).

He was fine with both of them and understood why I chose not to tell him until I did.

I think there is a distinction but it's quite a fine one to make.

Not sure I'd want to tell someone something they'd be pissed off about