Withholding information is the same as lying, right?

i see... are you going to share what 'it' is/was? i do think its pertinent to the post

Really depends what it is.

Had an affair he didn't tell you about is lying.
Broke a plate and didn't bother telling you because you were an a shitty mood anyway not really lying.

yup "suppresio veri" is the same as "suggestio falsi" https://thelawdictionary.org/suppressio-veri/

Depends what the thing is and whether you need to know.

Your minor child had an accident in his care whilst you were away and they had a mild concussion- need to know

He went for promotion and didn't get it- don't need to know

Piece of gossip about someone else- dont need to know

There's prob lots of things I don't tell dh. If it directly affected our family life, financials, Health etc then I most likely would tell him.

To me Lying is asking someone something directly and them not telling you the truth. Or them telling you a complete fabrication about something that you later find out wasn't true.

I would see it as the same as lying. It is lying by omission.

It's like finding out your husband is a bigamist because he never bothered to get divorced. And then saying that's not a lie??

If you know that your partner would be upset by something and you don't tell them, then you are lying by ommission. This differentiates it from simply not telling a partner something.

I would say he is being dishonest.

It's not the same, but depending on the circumstances it can be as bad.

Purposeflly not telling you something in order to avoid difficult conversations or whatever may not be lying, but it is almost never okay. Obviously there are some nuances here, but, for example, not telling you that he's taken up cycling at lunch time at work ight not be a big deal but I'd certainly see it as deceitful and would be upset if I heard about it via a third party. Not telling you that he gave his sister £500 if it didn't impact you at all and if he knew you'd be upset is a bit deceitful, but perhaps understandable. Not telling you that he has developed a love for smoked salmon sandwiches is a complete irrelevance.

I agree that if knowing the information would have influenced your own decisions then it's as bad as lying.

No, it isn't. But ultimately, every situation is different. There may have been a good reason for "witholding information" - are you able to see it from his point of view, OP?

Its the same in my book.

Lying by omission can cause as much damage.

Without knowing the circumstances it is impossible to say.

Agree with others that it really depends what it is.

My sister for some unknown reason thinks any withholding of information is the same as lying.

Whilst this is usually harmless, I bumped into her when I was on a date with a man about 10 months after my marriage broke down (legally separated but not yet divorced) and she told my ex. Her justification was that "he should know the truth" but all it caused was pain. It was a first date with this man and it didn't go anywhere.

Between partners though, and it made you look a fool when you did find out via other means, maybe it' different.

You say it’s not quite the same but OP hasn’t actually said what her DH has withheld from her… it could be the same or very similar.

Is it a situation where you’re not angry but feel another emotion like embarrassed? If my h knew that someone had fertility issues but let me talk about babies with them multiple times over the past year then I’d wish I’d had the heads up. He might have been told not to tell me but a gentle “some people have fertility issues” or “some people don’t want babies so don’t talk about babies so much” would have been handy and he wouldn’t have had to lie.

I’ve been in the situation where somebody has told me a secret and I’ve specifically asked if I can tell my h. Sometimes it’s yes and sometimes no which is up to the person with the secret,

It depends on whether it affects you and if it’s your business to know (ie affects your children, finances etc)

Have you asked him directly to confirm or deny this information?

i said YABU as I don’t think withholding info is the same as lying in all circumstances

I don’t think it’s quite the same as lying but deliberately withholding information is still untrustworthy behaviour

I don’t think it’s quite the same as lying but deliberately withholding information is still untrustworthy behaviour

It's not the same. He might have promised to keep something confidential, it might be something he felt personal to him that he didn't want to share. He might have been worried about an (over)reaction from you because that's what you do. It's not a black or white issue

Depends.

If he lost his job a year ago and has been unemployed that would be a big issue. Or been a cocaine addict for a year.

If he has been doing a knitting class for a year without you knowing, not an issue.

I'm with you on this, OP.

Depends on the context completely. You've not really told us anything in the OP what this is about.

Usually yes.

There are times where you might not mention something out of kindness eg I might downplay how much pain I’m in so my child did not worry but as I’ve said many times to my kids as they were growing up, sometimes you need to tell people news that might make them angry, jealous, upset because the “lie” will become the issue and that can be unfair.

It depends what you h lied about. If it’s something like your MIL (who you’re not keen on )is coming to stay overnight starting tomorrow then yanbu to want him to tell you asap even though you won’t be thrilled.

I told my kids to always tell me when they screwed up. In most cases, screw ups can be fixed and not talking about it often makes it worse. Over time they learned to talk to me and I learned to react appropriately. This made our relationship stronger and will hopefully help when they are in romantic relationships and have to tell their partner something that they won’t like to hear. I think they also prefer knowing “bad” stuff rather than discover that I kept it from them.

Depends if it's life altering information or not. If he held something back that alters his life, and/or yours, then that's bad. If it's something that's not going to make a blind bit of difference then no, it's not the same as lying.

What did he not tell you?