At my wits end, school run

This sounds like a child who is masking during the day and letting it out when she’s with her safe person. Is there any hint of neurodivergence?

She needs a snack, and maybe just no talking for a while?

One of my children sometimes did this. Turned out she was struggling with school. Rules, behaving a certain way etc, trying not to get told off. She was diagnosed with asd when she was older. But speak to school. Definitely take her a snack, collecting last or first might work. Can you sit with somewhere until the crowds disperse?

yeah , pack of fruit pastilles , little bit of sympathy for the awful day he had had good home cooked meals and all was good , he’s 34 now , ran two marathons last year and holds a very good job . Balance is the key . Not quinoa .

Ah, I'm sure I can live with the collective gasp of horror

^

We do what we can, right

Is she getting enough sleep?

My daughter was an absolute demon when she needed the loo. She hated using any other loo other than the one at home. Even at home she was often too busy doing other things and didn't want to stop what she was doing for something as boring as going to the toilet. There were many occasions when I would physically lift her and put her on the loo, she would still be screaming at me while she emptied her bladder, then I'd see the stress and anger melt away and she'd be lovely again. Maybe ask if you can take her to the loo as soon as you collect her. Then give her a banana or something. Hopefully the empty bladder, bit of sugar, and a chance for the crowd to disperse a bit will help her.

Ah, I'm sure I can live with the collective gasp of horror.

Food or ask the teacher if she can have a snack before she leaves

Sometimes the coming out with all the other children is stressful for this age. (I’m an EY teacher). She will be excited to see you, but that gets translated into a negative reaction.

I would try:

Tell her tonight that when you see her after school tomorrow you will have a… yo-yo bear, cut up grapes whatever you think of that she likes.

Have a large bag for life to put all her bags, coats etc in so you can carry them. A lot of chn get irritated without realising it’s a bag dragging on their back or a scarf.

Don’t ask any questions, just say hello and let her eat the snack and transition from the classroom.

If it’s still stressful, you could ask the teacher about either picking her up 5 minutes earlier or getting her at the end. As long as she knows.

Ask school for help
we had similar troubles
maybe ND?

If it is the toilet, which is a pretty common one the teacher maybe could make an allowance for her to use the toilet outside of the normal times. Not sure of the rules in the school, a chat with the teacher should sort this out, they wouldn't want the child to hold it in and not use the toilet. I know in all our schools we could apply for a special pass and the child just put their hand up or asked the teacher.

A Greggs sausage roll or a yum-yum would probably help

^

Do you realise you're on MN

Id ask school if you can collect from the office, and read a book before you go home.

^

Yeah, just what the school need

Instead, let her have her little kick off session then settle once at home with a snack and some down time

She'll soon grow out of it

A Greggs sausage roll or a yum-yum would probably help. Means she's occupied instead of being free to kick, throw things or run off and there's no suggestion in her head that you'll expect her to talk because she's busy eating.

I would approach with a snack in hand! Might that help?!

This sounds like restraint collapse. Have a Google, there's potentially a few strategies to help that could work for you, generally the jist is to keep things 'low demand', e.g. offer snack/drink with minimal pressure to actually eat it, not much chit chat other than, 'Hello darling, it's lovely to see you let's go home', and perhaps collecting from a quieter place like the office as someone suggested to avoid the general overwhelm of school gates and help you feel calmer too. Fighting to will make it worse, just give them a bit of time, space and peace to decompress. Doesn't need to be anything major happening at school for it to be restraint collapse it's extremely normal for many children to go through periods of this at some stage.

Give her a small snack and some cool water. Maybe let her play in the playground for a bit.

Mine struggled after school and had meltdowns so I always went armed with something crunchy, sweet and cold while we walked home.

If she's embarrassed by people in the next door cubicles I'd ask permission for her to use the disabled loos. I know this isn't the 'right' thing to do, but she's going to give herself health problems

IF she's autistic, she could well be masking all day - all small children, ND or not, are in their own different ways "masking" all day - they are having to behave not like chidlren and it's blooming hard!

School is so very hard for little people - they have to curb their natural zest for life and behave in an unnatural way all day (such a long long time when you are 5) - some of them hold it in but yours lets it out - which is a healthy reaction. School is not "normal" in the sense of according with the human nature of a 5 year old, and the fact that she is able to express her frustration shows a healthy psyche. And shows that she feels safe to show her feelings with you - so well done you. You have clearly done a good job.

Later in the evening, after she is home, fed and settled maybe you could have a quiet chat with her. Tell her that you can see that when she comes out of school she sometimes seems very frustrated and not happy - that you know she is a good girl and that you want to try and make this easier for her. Ask her what might help her. Give her some suggestions: would it help if you had a chance to run round the playground when you first come out; to have a snack; to sit somewhere for a bit before going to the car; to walk/bike home (if this is possible) ......? - asking her puts her in control and after a day of being controlled and bossed about she might appreciate that!

It is important that you do not feel embarrassed and consequently feel tempted to hassle her away - to hell with what people think; you must do right by your child with your head held high. Those parents with the biddable children at pickup will probably have hellish teenagers when the time comes!!

Food at school door and treat in car.

If you walk to car nicely you will get sticker/chose car music/my phone to play with in car/ favourite cuddly waiting for you.

Or tell teacher and collect from office.

Food and don’t hurry her or ask her questions. Mine are always starving after certain meals at school as well, it must just be metabolised very fast.