At my wits end, school run

that's great news @JellyBeann97 ! I think they really do go in phases and maybe she's getting a bit more settled in after xmas. I do remember that when they were really ratty and grumpy after school that it usually meant they just had a bad day and were finally able to let it all out. She's still young, younger than most of her class mates and is getting use to everything but she will catch up. I found they don't improve in a steady upward curve, but in fits and starts. I know it can be trying, but keep going, one day at a time, you will get there. I used to say to myself, "well as long as he's not doing whatever it was when he's 18!" And the thought always made me laugh which made it seem just that little bit better.

Hi OP, just wondered if the school run was getting any easier, now that its a few weeks into the term. Hope you are ok.

At that age, my mum always waited out for me with a snack, a drink and walk straight to the park for some chilled out play. School is a lot for a 5 year old, she needs to decompress.

Snack is always a good idea, but @JellyBeann97 says they're in year 1, I'm sure she's thought of that.

The toilet thing won't be helping. Mine was refusing to poo at school and getting really uncomfortable and cranky and sometimes having an accident on the way home. A little reward for pooing at school has basically solved it for us (but now I get "I DID A POO" yelled at me at pickup. Better than him doing it in his pants though)

Mine finds a list on a clipboard helps with boxes for him to tick things off. Can be tasks or things to spot.
Bag of jelly beans and saying she can have one if she walks calmly to that tree, then pop it in her mouth, now we walk to the red car etc.
Having something small that they picked planned for after school also helps with distracting and jollying along. As soon as they start running off or throwing things remind them that if they do that they won't get to make Lego or whatever with you when you get home.
Can you take a different route out of school? I find bad stuff becomes part of the routine and avoiding the landmarks that trigger it avoids the whole thing.

Good luck!

Sounds to me like she is ‘masking’ in school. Girls tend to mask more effectively too, as in they work harder at it which will then result in emotional disregulation like this.

Id adopt a transition routine between school and car/home if she is displaying these behaviours at the same time every day.

Id keep a note of these behaviours and then look at having her assessed.

This may not be the answer, but I’d start with food. My son used to be like this because he was really hungry. If you feed them & it doesn’t stop, at least you’ve eliminated a possible cause.

Yes, sounds as though she's "hangry", Might be worth finding out if she's eating her lunch?

IV just also read a few of the other comments and all mainly suggest taking a snack for your child,I don't get how this would work but each to there own I guess,Im guessing she would tell you if she wanted a snack or anything,as IV been there and seen the stresses it can cause, probably more than what alot of other people who have commented think,tell school also about them not using the toilet and they could maybe take her at a certain time so she has to go,but please do things your way don't listen to people who try to state the obvious like snack taking,as I'm pretty sure that's a tried and tested approach you've probably done,dont drive off without them as seen someone else write,this will 100000% add more stress for you and that's not what ya want when your at your wits end,pm me Hun for a chat if you need it,IV been in your exact shoes so I know how you feel x

Hi Hun try not to stress yourself out too much,my daughter was exactly the same,I'd mention it to school they would say well she's fine in school,I ended up going to my GP who suggested going back to school and speaking to the senco worker,so I did coz I was also at my wits end,I used to cry at times walking home from school with her,her teacher said yes she's good in school but looks like she's masking at school and soon as she leaves school she's able to release all the energy she's built up over the day,ended up sending her for a adhd assessment and there it was my answer,she is 13 now at high school and finding it so hard it's unreal,they ring me everyday but she's getting tested now for cyclothymia (mild bipolar) it is in the other side of her family,now not saying your child has bipolar at all this is just my outcome for my child that used to run rings round me,maybe look deeper into it with school as your GP will only tell you to speak to them anyway,stupid isn't it when you think it's a gp thing when they can't even refere children,they can a adult but all done through your school,any mental health things tends to go though school now,I think it's because they spend alot of time with our children and see them properly,IV always said from about 6 my daughter had bipolar and literally everyone thought I was nuts,she's not bipolar I'm over thinking it and all this crap,so IV faught and stood my ground for 6 years and finally got my answers,the sooner you speak to them the better Hun as it's a long bloody process,it will get easier I promise xx

My little boy is 5 too and very similar to this. He will come out and throw his bags to the floor infront of teachers -
its embarrassing really as I think his teachers must be watching and think he hates being at home!

I read this post to him. He replied “take some sweeties and her favourite teddy”

If your DD is on the spectrum
Really?

Sounds like a great idea if you want her to get run over! Plus she’d feel scared and confused and think Mum doesn’t give a shit about her.
I’m hoping you’re joking!

Oh this is what I could have written myself. We tried everything but DC was still so overwhelmed in mainstream school and fortunately we found a place at a specialist school and the change has been remarkable. Not saying this is what you need to do but it was the best thing for us. Oh and DC still won't go to the toilet there, ongoing issue! Xxx

I’ve had similar experience. I had two tactics that helped; DD rode bike to and from school which distracted her on the way home. The school had covered bike rack to leave bike during the school day. If we walked to school, I collected her and gave her a biscuit to eat on the way home. This also distracted her and she walked sensibly with me and her sibling. I’m sure you will find a solution and understand how distressing this situation may be.

Bring a snack, let her play in playground then walk home. I found the walk home amazing as it breaks up school from home and it's physical. Bring a scooter if necessary. However I found the walk home is amazing

Hungry. My daughter was like this. I started taking a small bar of chocolate and an apple.

It’s a compliment….she feels safe with you to expel her pent up feelings overwhelm from school. Maybe build in a decompression ten mins after school so she can get it out of her system in a way good for you both x

Agree with PPs suggesting possible ND. I know everyone does on MN but sometimes it might be true.

DS was like this all through primary, although diagnosed ASD and ADHD before he started. I know girls are much better at masking or coping while at school, and this often results in the school not seeing the issues while you bear all the flack!

Not saying this is the case, but keep an open mind. The pooing issue is quite a common thing too.

DS would never hold hands, we had so many meltdowns over that. I used to run after him with my hand ready to grab if need be. But my main coping strategy was to keep calm and just repeat the 'rules'. As in "we always do xxx when we finish school don't we? We don't lie in the mud". Etc. Any direct orders or getting cross made things worse.

But DS was one to erupt at school if things upset him, so maybe less stressed at the end of the day. They are all different....

He is now 16 and so lovely. If your DD is on the spectrum you don't need to panic, it often gets much easier with time! Good luck, however things pan out!

It’s called after school restraint collapse, look it up if unfamiliar with the concept.
What works for us is even 2-3 minutes of connecting with something as simple as a tight hug.
We’ve introduced a Magnesium gummy (we use Novomins) and it’s been a game changer as it helps with brain function, energy and mood.
When she is like that try not to ask questions about school and wait until a bit later after she’s regulated.
A non sugary snack also works wonders for us.
Good luck!

Had this toilet issue with my dc at school. It had stemmed from one day when the loo wasn’t working and they were then too anxious to go. I worked with the teacher on resolving this, I went into the classroom a few times with then and used the loo myself, discussed and rehearsed what to do etc. Teacher actively checked in with them about going to loo also. Took a couple of weeks but was then resolved and they’ve forgotten about it since.

It’s hard being a summer born - there’s an expectation to behave all day and which is pretty exhausting. Sounds like she’s overtired, over stimulated and probably hungry! Have snack ready in your hand to give her for the walk to the car - will distract her. Try not to worry.

i had one like this but he is neurodiverse so holding it in all day then letting it all out when he saw me his main carer this can be common with some ND kids tiring and embarrassing though everyone knew me in my town!!

Our DD wouldn't use the toilets at school, from reception,( shes now in Y10 and still doesn't use the toilets at school )
Apparently the reception toilets were getting blocked so the teachers would tell the children to be careful. Shes a sensitive child so to avoid any upset with the teacher she would avoid the toilets altogether.
I would bring a potty to put in the car , she would sit on it and use it, her brothers were not impressed when I picked them up ( teenagers) and would say, mind out for your sisters wee/poo in the potty .
Its a bugbear of mine, why cant the staff flush the toilets as and when, it causes soo much stress for the 4 year olds, they cant concentrate if they need the toilet so behaviour becomes an issue.

Giving my dd a snack to focus on worked so an apple or banana.