Threat to gate crash DD wedding

Good idea to FaceTime. Best to chat things through rather than message, which can lead to misunderstandings and assumptions.

When they’re travelling from the other side of the world for the wedding, and it’s their first trip back in 6 years, it’s a big deal and they perhaps thought it’d be nice for your DN to come too and all catch up with you all. They may well have accepted she won’t be able to attend the wedding.

I don’t think it matters what your DH thinks. They’re your family, not his. In terms of the wedding, it matters what your DD thinks as it’s her wedding. But hopefully, your sis will stay after the wedding and you (on your own if necessary) can have a good catch up once all the prep is out of the way. Best not to let a partner distance you from your family just because they have no time for them.

How much does she like her aunt and uncle?

Definitely for a church wedding, but at a private venue? The legal impediment thing is only tradition now as we can easily search whether someone is already married.
When was the last time it was used except on TV?

I don't think my DM did. She had about 9 cousins and my DF had some too and it just would have been too much I suppose.

I would just tell the venue on arrival that one extra person has invited themselves. It's unlikely they'll make one person leave. It's like if you book a table at a restaurant and someone brings a friend without telling you. It's rude and the restaurant might be annoyed, but they will accommodate you.

Yes, but then you just explain to the aunts and uncles who can inform the cousins that one cousin was there because of the special circumstances of living with her parents and coming from far away and that she just turned up.

I find it so strange that people would invite their own brother/sister but not their niece/nephew. Weird

I don't think you can really play the "small wedding so we didn't invite you" card when there are going to be 100 guests!

Obviously if she's not invited, they'd be unreasonable to bring her.

But I think it's quite harsh to put your sister in this position. She lives halfway around the world, you're not just asking her to leave her mentally ill daughter for a few hours, you're looking at a week minimum. Either she goes without her daughter, which is pretty crap even without the mental health concerns ("oh yes dear, dad and I are going back to the home country to see all our relatives and probably some friends too, but you can't come") or she brings her daughter along and awkwardly ditches her to go to the wedding.

Op has stated that they are 60 spaces in the venue and they are accounted for. Should she now uninvite another guest because someone who hasn't been invited wants to come? Is this really what people would do

It would be incredibly rude to turn up with an uninvited guest. It would also embarrass the poor girl. You have other nieces and nephews who weren't invited.

But later on she says that some of the grooms cousins are invited, so one of those two quotes are a lie.

Only OP knows which!

Sorry OP but when you say "it was decided not to invite any cousins" without any sort of deail or explanasion it seems like you're just being picky (no offense) and maybe there's more ot it than that. I just find it ridiculous how 40 people who aren't even family take precidense over people who are. I mean sure, you guys don't interact very often but considering you live 12 thousand miles apart and still make regular contact says this is a family member who'se dear to you. I wouldn't even blame them if they held a grudge agaisnt you for that...

"They don't have the spaces"

for one person, or two people?

Seems a shame.

I'm genuinely shocked that the consensus on the thread is that just because someone makes a long, expensive journey nobody asked them to do or even wanted them to do, you should uninvite someone from your wedding to accommodate them. I have a cousin in Australia. I assume similar to the OP's DD, we have literally zero contact. We got on fairly well at family meet-ups as children too - which is a more than the OP's DD and her cousin. He's a pretty much a total stranger to me now though, haven't seen or spoken to each other in over ten years. But apparently if he were to invite my parents to a wedding and I tagged along to Australia uninvited, I should be invited to the event above people he actually knows and has an ongoing relationship with! That's bonkers to me.

For all the reasons that people have outlined on the thread.

I think this is incredibly sad that your sister and her husband are willing to travel from Australia to attend your daughters wedding and you all begrudge their adult daughter who is struggling at the moment with her mental health, coming with them!

If I were your sister I would tell you all to shove it and I'd just put a card in the post.

I don't think you can bar adults from attending a wedding because they may know of "a legal impediment to why Fred and Fanny may not be joined in matrimony".
Attending the reception is a different matter, as it's a private party.

They don't have the spaces

It's also been stated she has other cousins who she is close to but is unable to invite them. So why on earth should she invite someone she doesn't really know or like?

Its up to the bride and groom who attends. However, it was probably a bit short sighted to invite parents from the other side of the world but not their daughter who they still care for. I would have either invited all 3 or none of them.

It isn’t nonsense. It’s a condition of the wedding venue licence.

What other requirements are there for premises?

• You must ensure the public have access without charge to the ceremony room(s) for one hour before and during the ceremony.
• There must be access for disabled people.
• Notices are required at each public entrance giving directions to the ceremony room(s), names of the couples, time of wedding and room of wedding so that the public can find the venue easily

https://www.oxfordshire.gov.uk/residents/community-and-living/births-deaths-and-ceremonies/celebrate-your-special-day/marriages/places-get-married/licensing-your-venue

To be honest I would invite the niece and nephew, two people is not much. If necessary invite the other nieces and nephews if you daughter wants.

It's a family occasion and it seems very mean to leave your niece and nephew out of it.

make an exception for her , they are coming from so far away

Just don't invite any of them since you seem to dislike them all. A sibling is a person's closest relative and yet you're "not close" and no cousins from either side are invited. Family seems to be the last priority here so just tell them not to come.

Just make space for her. She’s travelling all the way from Austrailia and won’t have other company if she is left on her own. A bit mean to exclude her.