Threat to gate crash DD wedding

I couldn’t get worked up about this. I’d just let this extra person come

Has anyone actually asked this cousin/niece if she wants to go?

I don’t have mental health issues but the idea of going to a wedding where the only people I know are my parents (who will likely be making rounds catching up with people) and the bride, fills me with dread. I would also be mortified that my parents were engineering my attendance when I wasn’t invited and there isn’t space!

Confirm now to your sister that there categorically won’t be space so her daughter can make alternative plans that day. Maybe suggest a brunch together the day after the wedding if the niece is eager to connect with her family - though I suspect she isn’t at all fussed and is only along for a holiday.

I think this is fine then. Probably the less said about it the better. Id only bring it up again if your daughter asks you to because a space has become available. I wouldn't mention it otherwise as it then looks like it is on everyone's radar and makes an invite seem more likely. Enjoy the preparations and the day when it comes.

So the cousin is travelling all that way for a lovely European holiday, not the wedding of a cousin she barely knows and doesn’t like? And a wedding which she knew in advance she wasn’t invited to. If sounds like (based on what you’ve said) even if the cousin does have bad feeling to your daughter, that will have no impact on your daughter’s life anyway because she doesn’t speak to her cousin anyway.

Those saying "its just one more" - it's not just one more is it? If the cousins is then (begrudgingly) invited, her brother is then left out, so 75% of the Aus family are invited. Instead of just a blanket "aunts and uncles are invited, cousins arent" set up.

The wedding isn't until September - they won't have final numbers yet. It would be unusual to have even sent invites at this stage. It's bold to assume everyone invited will definitely be able to attend.

DSis and her DH are invited and have accepted although she made it clear that she was very disappointed that her two DCs were not included. They are both late 20's.

Big difference between a 16 year old and an adult in their late 20s though....

So many people lacking reading comprehension and asking why the cousin can't come.
Apart from the fact that DD and cousin don't really get on, as detailed in OPs comments , also this:
The ceremony is in a private venue and the maximum for the space is 60

They have 60 people already. 60+1 =61
The maximum for the space is 60

Hope this clears things up

That could work. At a friend's wedding 2 couples didn't come (genuine reasons) so would have had room. Ours everyone came so it would have been a problem.
However it comes down to why should the bride and groom invite someone they don't want there.

Glad you are going to speak to your sis OP. Before you speak to her, ask the venue if it's possible to add one more, especially for evening. If they say, "under no circumstances" then that will be something you can bring up ("we would have loved to invite Kylie as well but the venue are being really strict and invitations have gone out already....").

Try and gauge how niece is doing. It may be that she's not doing too well at the moment and can't be left for a long period, or that they feel a holiday may really help her at this time. It's so very difficult to have a child with MH issues. I would also be really accommodating at saying niece is first on 'waiting list', you are really sorry you can't uninvite anyone but if anyone can't come she will be the first to have a space.

Just invite her, Christ alive. This is such a stupid thing to fall out over.

So because someone chose to travel, knowing they were not invited to a special specific event, everyone should just make arrangements around them?

Why? I honestly don’t get it.

*Ewock if it were me I'd assume one extra wasn't a big issue I bet someone won't turn up. This is just my opinion. I wouldn't invite my sister and her husband and expect them not to bring their 16 year old mentally ill daughter. But anyway. I hope it all works out ok OP. *

if that’s the case there is no discussion, perhaps I missed a post. I thought it was more that the parents didn’t want to invite this cousin.

To be fair, 40 people isn't much by the time it's split between the bride and groom - for each person that's parents x 2, siblings and their partners, grandparents maybe and a couple of aunts and uncles. Plus your five closest friends and their plus -ones. There's not a lot of room for manoeuvre in that.

BUT if someone is making the effort to travel all that way, it's churlish not to find a place for them. Maybe they've not shown much interest in family before but perhaps now is their time. Who knows, you might even like them!

I got married recently about 4 people gatecrashed that we hadn't invited but had assumed that they were! We were a bit suprised by them turning up but ultimately it didn't make any difference to the day.

If my dc invited all cousins to their wedding, there would have been 7 cousins with their partners, plus their 10 children ie 24 people. Not an insignificant number of people!

Because the venue has a cap on numbers.

This is maybe touching a nerve because we had a huge issue at our wedding with my PILs inviting all manner of 'family' who had travelled from very far away without asking or telling us who were turned away by the venue, but people who are saying to just invite her/add one more person/fit her in - have you no concept of how wedding venues work?? *
*
Generally, you pay per person, and the venue will have really strict rules about maximum guest numbers. You can't get round the rules as weirdly, the venue staff can count and will notice too many place settings. Not that OPs daughter should, because it's her and her DPs wedding, not the OPs, or the OPs sister, or her next door neighbour, or her fourth cousin on her dad's side.

I suppose I do understand it ,but would hate it to be my family dynamic

People have different family set ups and dynamics, it's not that hard to understand.

Definitely at a private one. Assuming it is a properly licensed venue. See my earlier response to another doubter.

What other requirements are there for premises?

• You must ensure the public have access without charge to the ceremony room(s) for one hour before and during the ceremony.
• There must be access for disabled people.
• Notices are required at each public entrance giving directions to the ceremony room(s), names of the couples, time of wedding and room of wedding so that the public can find the venue easily.

They might, but at our wedding venue it was strict numbers and we had to confirm food choices etc. There were no extra meals so that would be an issue.
It's also just really rude to invite someone who hasn't been invited

Couldn't agree more.