Threat to gate crash DD wedding

Very rude not to have invited the cousin given her parents are travelling from Oz and she lives with them due to mental health issues. Really poor form. Not right that she’s planning to gate crash either but your Dh and the wedding couple aren’t covering themselves in glory.

But someone always drops out.

As an aside I've not been invited to weddings my parents were invited to and my son was not invited to a cousin's wedding - and not to his uncle's (second) wedding.

And 100 isn't a small wedding.

Don't make the wedding about yourself, let the young people do what they want

It’s not even your wedding 😂 why are you getting so wound up? Think it’s pretty strange to invite friends but to make a big issue about her cousin who is unwell and probably relies on your sister.

weddings are not about the family , they are only for the couple who gets married

OP I think you need to be very careful with this sort of reasoning. My disabled child has been excluded from events for reasons couched like this and it is always bollocks. They didn't want him there. They thought they were cleverly disguising it, but it is always totally transparent and extremely hurtful.

It's the very opposite of insightful, and potentially discriminatory and very hurtful, to hide behind an assumption that the disabled person doesn't want to come.

It's the best thing they ever did.

Honestly who is being the self involved arsehole really?

the bride and groom.

Honestly why do people think everyone is so desperate to attend their wedding? People go to weddings to show up for the couple- usually at significant expense and inconvenience for themselves. The aunt is travelling all the way from Australia to be there for her niece, the least she can expect is that her family - the bride’s family - will be treated with some basic hospitality , consideration, manners and respect. In no other (non-western) culture in the world would this kind of anti social bs be tolerated.

Not if they knew she wasn’t invited when they booked the holiday.

I’m usually inclusive about weddings but it’s quite a small wedding and it’s a perfectly reasonable line to draw that uncles and aunts are invited but not cousins. All cousins. Including the one who’s trying to bounce an invite which is super rude.

Invite your niece! How mean otherwise. Unless you want to go NC with your sister.

They were quite glad they did it in the end weren't they

Invite her. Don’t be so mean.

Speak to your sister and just say, "I'm just checking you're not planning on bringing your daughter or son. Numbers are limited and anyone who turns up uninvited will be turned away and asked to leave"

it's not THEIR wedding, they don't get to create their own guest list

All weddings in England and Wales MUST be open to the public as a condition of the venues licence regardless as to whether the ceremony is religious or civil.
But that is just the ceremony, you can turf them out of the reception if you want.

Where did the rumour come from? If you have any grounds at all to believe it, you'd better call your sister and make it clear that the wedding arrangements do not allow for cousins. If the issue is that they don't want to leave your niece on her own in Aus, and as they're having to pay for her to travel they feel entitled to bring her with them to the wedding as well, then you'd better decide in advance whether you - or, more to the point your daughter and her fiance - would rather have all or none.

It could well be that they genuinely can't exclude her, but it is not reasonable - in fact it's a flaming liberty - for them to assume you'll be cool with niece tagging along regardless.

I've just realised my reaction stems from my SIL pulling a similar stunt on me. Thirty years ago. And I'm still livid.

This.
why do you care so much if there’s one more?

A cousin coming all the way from Australia has to be included surely. Quite mean not to include the Australian cousin in the wedding. It’s times like these an exception needs to be made to the rule.

Also it might be positive for her mental health, being included in family celebrations

What about DD’s other cousins and her DH’s cousins who are already here in the U.K. yet aren’t invited? Who they may feasibly be closer to.

I wouldn’t invite her, because that could cause issues with other cousins but if she travels with her parents for whatever personal reasons I would have plans in place to include her, extend an invitation on arrival. They are coming a long way at great expense and it’s your niece and your sister not a random friend

Don’t assume she wants to come to this wedding- She might have plans to go the Trafford Centre or something.

I would suggest your DD to contact her cousin directly and say something along the lines of I know you are coming over to the UK with your parents. I am sorry I couldn’t extend an invitation to you as well but we have had disappoint a lot of people on both sides as the venue is rigid on numbers ect ect. However I would love to get together whilst you are here - can we meet for lunch?

That way she tells her independently of her mum why she can’t come but that she would like to see her. It also means her mum can’t lead her to believe that she is invited or that it is ok for her to just turn up.

It’s a shame weddings in this country are the way they are.

If you invite one cousin even if they are coming from Australia presumably you will have to invite all the cousins with the added expense. Make that clear to.your sister as to why you aren't inviting any.at all?

I'd just uninvite DSis at this point. Just because she's coming from far away, it doesn't mean she's entitled to bring someone who isn't invited.

Personally if family had paid so much to travel to the uk to see me get married - hypothetically I would be delighted

This