Threat to gate crash DD wedding

If you knew that your DN had MH issues and still lived at home then, if you wanted your sister to be at the wedding, the kind and obvious thing to do would have been to say that it was fine for her to come in the first place!! 🙄If any of the other DN's complained about favouritism then you could explain the situation, and if they can't accept that reason then they didn't deserve to be at the wedding anyway!! 😌

It isn't mean. Turning up to somewhere you're not invited to is gatecrashing. Someone with MH still knows that.

The terms gatecrashing and shoehorning are quite mean when used about someone with MH . Arrange an extra meal ( in the scheme of things the cost can’t be that prohibitive surely ? ) and if they turn up with the daughter just be surprised but gracious . Don’t let this hiccup spoil the day and if other cousins complain it’s not your problem really . The general heading with weddings is “get out unscathed”

This is petty beyond belief

Naif here- as a side note, if 100 people altogether, counting evening party, is a small wedding, how many is a big one?

A lot of people are assuming the niece "can’t be left alone" or has behavioural problems. We don’t know that at all, or that she "woukdnt be able to cope" with a wedding. If she feels she can’t cope she can always say so and refuse the invitation!

The poor girl might, for instance, be subject to depression. Perhaps she hasn’t got many friends and would welcome reconnecting with family. Plenty of twenty-somethings live with their parents, and it’s not at all surprising for her to want to join in an exciting, maybe once-in-a-lifetime holiday.

OP: what if you had known that the family were coming to the UK for a holiday visit, and to see family, before the wedding invitations had been decided. Would you really have still invited just two of the three?

I understand about the other cousins but this is exceptional circumstances. Your daughter and her husband could have a party and invite them, or just arrange to meet up, any time, and if the cousins or their parents held a grudge about it they would be being ridiculously unkind and petty. As, I’m afraid, you and your daughter will look if you don't invite her cousin.

I wholeheartedly agree

Surely someone won't show. If she comes she comes.

It isn't OP's wedding or decision.

What a presumptuous and stigmatising post. We know nothing of the niece other than she has “MH issues” and her mother would like her to be included. Having mental health issues does not automatically prevent a person from enjoying / behaving appropriately at a wedding

Well said!!!

You say you hope this does not cause bad feeling. It is however completely within your power to insure there is no bad feeling and you know things could be awkward with your sister and brother in law if you don’t invite your niece.
just invite her.

Again, the writer of the post was ND with an anxiety disorder and giving a personal perspective.

But the sister does? Thinking she can just bring along whoever she likes when they haven't been invited?

That’s not the point! The point is she is not invited! You do not crash a wedding! Why should the bride drop one of her friends to have a cousin she doesn’t even get on with there! Also the brides father is allowed to have an opinion why should he not? It’s his daughter’s wedding!

I think you are awful and don’t know the meaning of the word family

100%

Seems like this has become more about the fact that you and DH think that they are taking advantage as opposed to simple practicality. Realistically how much difference does one more person make. Also if you uninvite them and it turns out that they were not bringing their DD how would you feel

If you read that post more carefully you’d have noted the writer is ND with anxiety issues and finds big events overwhelming so avoids them. So was giving her own perspective.

That doesn’t cover everyone with anxiety however it seems to be the sister not the niece lobbying for an invite so we don’t even know if DN wants to come or whether the mother is simply keen even pressuring her to be included.

You might say that, but if they do that then why not the other cousins?
It sets a precedent.Also it’s only 60 people so that’s 29 people each. You take out bridesmaids/groomsman, best man,,parents and siblings both sides it soon whittles down space for their friends. Why should the bride have to dis- invite one of her close friends for a cousin she barely knows?
she isn’t invited end of!

I’m sorry, we’d love to be able to invite all our friends and family but it’s just not feasible, and that’s meant some of DDs long term friends won’t be there, or any cousins.

Obviously there are sometimes last minute drop outs, and if that happens then niece would totally be someone we’d think of to fill a space.

Sentiment - tick
Hard to argue with - tick
Commitment - nope.

It’s the epitome of entitlement to expect someone to rearrange their wedding guest list for your family

But if you don't ask you don't get. My cousin asked if he could bring his two kids and I eventually had his daughter as my bridesmaid. Then I had my DH's niece too and a friend! I went from having none to three, six weeks before!

And I rearranged my guest list loads of times! To accommodate new people and because people dropped out.

People are acting as if the guest list is set in stone.

I do too but when it happened to my son (who wasn't a small child at the time) I got told on MN I was unreasonable for caring.

A family I’m guessing the bride and groom wouldn’t miss

Im sure if aunt thought / suspected this shes certainly wouldn’t bother for a moment.
some people are so into themselves they act like their wedding is the met gala.
Aunt is coming to show up for her niece.

We’ll just have to agree to disagree as to what is acceptable as we clearly have very different values

Someone is so desperate to come they are considering gatecrashing all the way from Australia. DAunt could have declined if she didn’t want to come without her daughter.

DD could have stayed in Australia if she didn’t want to spend that day alone in the hotel on her own.

People get to choose who to invite to their wedding. It’s not a bqq in the back garden, there are limits to guest numbers

It’s the epitome of entitlement to expect someone to rearrange their wedding guest list for your family. A family I’m guessing the bride and groom wouldn’t miss if the they decide the invite doesn’t suit them

I do think it is odd to invite some people from a family and not others. have always found that an odd concept - unless you are going child free and the other family members are under 18.