Threat to gate crash DD wedding

This makes a difference If the Groom’s cousins can’t come , it seems daft that a cousin whom the bride doesn’t even get on with gets to eat and drink at their expense.

Depends on exactly what the “Mental health “ issues are, @Aussierelative .

Is she liable to be a massive pain ( Eg getting rip roaring drunk and aggressive?)

That would be the only reason that most people would want to avoid someone turning up-
But if she’s quiet and passive, no trouble.

She loves you enough to come all that way to see your daughter get married but you don't care to see her daughter who also has mh issues. What kind of a family are you?

Being a decent thoughtful person is not insisting on taking your daughter to a wedding she has not been invited to!

We had a wedding where cousins, were not invited bu one that had travelled from abroad with parents was. Rude to do otherwise, just explain to the wider FA mil. They should understand

This family are coming from Australia and would like to bring their daughter who has mental health issues to the wedding. You are not especially close but don't mention any falling out either.
I think it's mean spirited of you to not make an exception for one family member coming from Australia with her parents.
People get very caught up in wedding arrangements but looking back, one extra invite is not a big deal. There will surely be some no shows and it's actually quite nice for someone to WANT to be there when you'll have a certain number who might not be arsed at the last minute.
I think you would regret not extending this curtesy in a few yrs time. There are people I omitted, out of forgetfulness and I regret it. If they do not come it's fine but it's good to have made the gesture to welcome them I think.

The wedding invitation was just for the uncle and aunt. It was an invitation not a summons. If DN attending too was a condition of the uncle and aunt being able to come, then they needed to decline the invite.

The woman getting married has next to no relationship with DN and presumably is only inviting the uncle and aunt out of obligation. The bride’s other cousins who actually live in the same country, aren’t coming because of the venues numbers, it would cause noses to be out of joint within both sides of the bride and grooms family if DN were invited and the others not.

No. I'd dig my heels in further. Perhaps she can attend the evening reception if there's room, but not when you are already excluding people they actually want there...
Dsis needs to accept she can't invite dd to events that aren't her own.

I would let them bring her over but not to the wedding even though she's over here. Theyll just have to book an hotel or stay at another relatives if they were going to stay with you. It would be a good chance for her to meet up with other relatives while here but definitely not the wedding. No one should be bullied into letting her go either. They bring her on the knowledge she'll be alone and if turns up at the wedding then turned away.

Why are people insisting your dd invites her? There may be an absolute maximum of 60 seats for the meal and also if you invite one then the rest will feel put out that they weren’t also invited.
We have family travelling from Canada for our wedding and have said no children, if they showed up with their children there would quite literally not be space in the room for them.
It’s your dds wedding and it’s upto her who she invites. It is HIGHLY unreasonable and downright rude to just assume you can bring someone who wasn’t invited and hope they can make it work.

I can’t believe this is even a question! They’re travelling from Australia! Invite the girl to the wedding!!

The couple need to tell people that they can’t just turn up as there is no room for additional guests. Make it clear to your Dsis that they have 2 places for 3 people can can use them how they see fit. Maybe the BIL would enjoy a round of golf instead 😂

you know in your heart they are all going to turn up on the day so you need to run interference and send one away. It’s not their wedding. Their child is an adult.

🤣🤣🤣 How is she spiteful? She wasn’t uninvited, she was never invited in the first place. The niece wasn’t singled out either, none of the cousins are invited because of numbers.

Height of bad manners of aunt to presume she could request her daughter be invited.

What spiteful people are you. They are looking forward to coming watching your daughter marry . But all you can think is how to be extremely nasty and uninvited thier daughter. If it was vice versa, you would be so angry. Gosh how I dispise people like you. The marriage won't last very long. Your daughters bitterness will seep through and he will leave her.

There are bound to be some last minute cancellations with such a large list of guests. I wouldn't sweat it. Surely there will be a space for one more. At my own wedding (which was smaller than this small wedding) I had two unrelated cancellations so I would have been grateful for one extra guest turning up by surprise. And it will be a surprise, right? You haven't been properly told this. Rumours don't count.

And they decided not to invite her or any of the other cousins. If they allow her and not the others, whom they may be closer to, they may be offended. Better to stick to the original plan.

What a load of rubbish.

Of course you can decide who to invite and not to a wedding.

@Aussierelative - hope your conversation with your sister goes well and that the discussion with the bride & groom go well too about this issue.

Can't invite one and not the rest that wouldn't be fair it's all or none. Different if it was a young child that they were having to bring with them.

Going only by the opening post the hosts of the wedding should send a message to this Sister and her DH something like this:
"Hi Sis/Aunt/Name,
It's wonderful that you'll be travelling from Aus to come to the wedding of X and Y. As we're the hosts, we're sure you're aware that the numbers for the wedding are strictly limited and we can only have the named invitees attending the wedding. We will not be able to accommodate any one else in on the day so please don't try. It's just going to make things awkward and draw attention to yourselves when we ask you to leave but we trust that this won't happen. All the best and see you when you arrive, The Hosts of the Wedding"

I'm suggesting sending it from the hosts as they are the ones that are paying for the day. If it comes from a relation that isn't involved in paying for the day, there is the chance that they will still try.

I'd also have some people on the look out on the day for any extra guests that are not expected and have them tell these relations that they can't go to the reception if they're planning on bringing their daughter with them.

Just because they are travelling a very long way, does not give them the right to overrule the hosts of the wedding.

except one more does make difference as OP has confirmed the bride and groom have hit max capacity for both day and evening guests. There is no room for her.

OP also confirmed that (even before this discussion) the couple have a list of friends who they were unable to invite due to number restrictions and would wish to come if anyone from the original invite list can’t make it.

This aunt and uncle (as I doubt it’s coming from the cousin) are essentially trying to force the bride and groom to uninvite someone who already received an invite and is an ongoing part of their life to make room for their daughter - who they have seen in about a decade and probably wouldn’t recognise if they bumped into her on the street and as far as we can tell will make no meaningful part of their future.

Just explain to your sister that no cousins are invited from either side and if her daughter can't be left at home then they should stay home to look after her.

Is there a strike of niece kicking off at the wedding or breakfast?? If you are that worried, hire some bouncers and if their name ain't on the list they don't get in

Have you asked your daughter what she thinks? After all it is HER wedding

It's your daughter's wedding. Get her to tell her aunt her cousin won't be able to attend. If she's big enough to get married, she's big enough to take any flack that arises from her decision. Obviously she should do this before they book and pay for flights and accommodation.
You and your husband can stay out of it.

Your sister is reasonable to bring her daughter.
She is also reasonable and honest to be hopeful that DN might be included in some way. That is not being pushy.

Respond by telling your sister that there is a list of uninvited cousins on both sides an arm long and most probably her daughter will need to work out a suitable arrangement for herself.

In the background, you could talk with your DD and her betrothed. Is there a way for uninvited cousins to meet up at a local pub and hang out together? They would have fun and pay for their own night. Could they see their cousins who marry outside the church and wave etc? It would be in a way that doesn't detract from DD's wedding at all.
Alternitively, have a casual pay for yourself meet up for all your family, guests and uninvited, a couple of days before the wedding. This would be a welcome from Australia, long time no see, type of thing.