Threat to gate crash DD wedding

I agree, you should invite the niece. If they can't leave her at home due to mental health issues, what will they do with her during the day of the wedding? I think you need to think this through and imagine how it would feel if the positions were reversed and it was your daughter with mental health issues on her own in Australia for the day.

I think it's odd to be fuming about this rather than concerned and accommodating. You aren't close with your sister, so you don't know exactly what's going on with your niece right now. If they don't feel that they can leave her on her own on this occasion, that's quite telling that she isn't doing well.

I wouldn't uninvite my own sister from my DD's wedding because my niece is too mentally unwell to be left on her own on the other side of the world.

If she travels with your sister I would let her know that niece can't attend the day as everything is specific to the number of people, but I'd think she'd be able to come along in the evening? With your DD's blessing of course.

so she’s schlepping all the way over here for the wedding, presumably niece is coming as she’s not fully independent.
what is she meant to do whilst her family are at the wedding of also her relative.
just invite the poor lass

You can't just rock up at a wedding with an uninvited extra guest, it doesn't matter how far you've come!

" I can't say to much about the source of the rumour as that might be outing but it is difficult to verify."

You don't have to raise the rumour at all.

Next time you contact her I would comment that since her daughter lives with them they don't have to go to the faff of closing up the house / emptying the fridge / etc., and on their return they won't be coming to an empty house with no milk and bread. Travelling is so much easier if you don't have dealing with the houseas well!

See what she says.

(It's a genuine comment - I hate having to run down the fridge contents for the week/fortnight before we go, and hate equally the fridge being empty on my return. Never had to do that when DS was still living with us, it was much better.)

By raising the subject this way, you are not dropping anyone in it - but you are raising the subject and she will have to respond. How she responds will dictate your next move.

🖕

Absolutely this

I don’t think the other cousins would be annoyed if they knew the circumstances. They shouldn’t be, anyway. It wouldn't be hard to say/write to them afterwards "I expect you might have heard that Kylie was at the wedding. Just wanted to let you know that no cousins were invited, but since Kylie came to England with Bruce and Sheila we felt she couldn’t just be left out and had to make last-minute arrangements for her to come. Hope to see you soon."

OP has made it clear that if her niece were to attend, they'd have to uninvite someone else who has already been invited.

I'm actually staggered at how many people think this is okay?

60 is quite a small wedding. I would think that OPs DD has other cousins that she is closer to that she hasn’t been able to invite to the wedding.
Maybe OP should just reiterate to her sister that she is sorry her daughter can’t come when she speaks to her. Maybe the sister thinks it is a buffet and she can just sneak another in.

She’s already specifically not invited, it’s not up to OP to invite her. Who should they uninvited to make room for her?

Talk to sis and ask whether her DD is coming to uk or remaining in aus, if she’s travelling say, ask what she plans to do while they’re at the wedding and just reiterate that DDs venue has a maximum capacity so deffo not room for 1 extra

Nobody has forced the aunt to travel and noone even asked the cousin to, so it's a bit silly to suggest you have to invite her because she's travelled so far.

If there's no space there is no space. She wasn't invited, she doesn't get to just crash. How incredibly rude to just turn up with an extra guest, are they expecting you to feed her as well with no notice?

If she lives with them she is probably coming to the UK with them to see family and holiday with them.

Chances are someone wont make it on the day. It'll be fine. Worst case the venue will squeeze a chair in for one person

I think if you could possibly squeeze her in it would be a nice gesture although then puts you in a position re your nephew . Maybe talk to your sister, ask how her daughter will get on at home in Auz on her own while they're away. If they say she is coming over but not to wedding then you could offer to ask your daughter to invite her but explain there would probably not be room for both. It's a tricky one .

Tough one. I absolutely respect the couple’s right to invite who they want but I also think excluding a first cousin from Australia when her parents are flying down is hurtful.

Of course it’s rude to gate crash but I imagine they are feeling very aggrieved.

You’re not close but your sister and her hisband are making the effort to fly from the other side of the world to see your dd get married. That’s huge.

Are you trying to sort this out on behalf of the Bride, is she not much involved ith the organisation?

Honestly, this.

Yup this .,
Although the entitlement of the family gatecrashing is staggering.
You could run a book on if they do. All family members bet a fiver. Winners split the proceeds. Makes them look a bit twatish but you have a laugh without the drama

This 👏