Threat to gate crash DD wedding

You don’t know it’s true unless it happens. So what will you do if she turns up on the day? Probably just put an extra seat out. Two extra guests turned up at my sister’s wedding breakfast because they misread the invitation. It’s very common, venues are used to it.

If the DD does come, she will be staying in the same hotel as her parents, possibly at the venue. Imagine the awkwardness the night before, and on the day, when you see her milling about and she's not invited.

Extra points if she stares through the window at you, whilst you are eating your wedding breakfast. Triple points if it's raining.

It’s not a small wedding, you're inviting 60, then 40 more. Surely your niece/nephew should be on that list. You may not see them often, but the bride and groom and you are more likely to still know them in 30 years time than many (most?) on the friends invited list.
We had a similar sized wedding 30+ years ago, only a small bunch of the friends we invited are still in touch.

Absolutely. Under the circumstances your niece a nd nephew should be invited.

I find it odd to invite the aunt/uncle but not the cousins. In this instance i wpuld have not invited any of them as I am presuming they have next to no relationship with them if they are so far away and weddings nowadays are far too expensive for most people to afford people they aren't close to. Can't you speak to your sister and explain there is a set budget/venue capacity so unfortunately cant stretch to anymore, but understand if this means they no longer wish to attend?

Will it break your bank or something? Just invite her. One person, for goodness' sake!

I think it up to your daughter and her partner who to include the wedding. With that being said 60 guest is not a small wedding and if cousin are excluded - who actually being invited. I assuming they are not all inviting friends.

Cause you know what's going on in ops life 🤔

Nor do you yet people are berating op. I'm going with the family t it's her family she will know better than a random on here

@PoppyRoseBucky and what about cousins who live nearby and see the bride/groom more regularly? If I was one of those I'd be annoyed I didn't get to go to the wedding but a cousin they barely knows made the cut because they've decided to travel over.

This

I thought this was going to be about an entire rabble ‘gatecrashing’ not one poor girl with mh issues attending with her parents. DH is fuming??

Isn't it up to your DD & partner to decide whether to invite / uninvite them. How do they feel about this. Where did this information / assumption come from ? Maybe your DD could have a quiet word with her aunt to check if the rumour is true ?

My DD is getting married this year. Small wedding, no DC or cousins invited. Some family members are peeved but she's not bothered and Im certainly not getting involved. She's having the wedding that she wants not the one that others think she should have. Its up to those invited if they want to come but uninvited guests would have be turned way on the day simply because there is no room, food etc for them , Surely your DSIS knows this - why are you jumping to the conclusion the your niece will gatecrash ?

I think that maybe DN can perhaps be left sometimes but not at other times? I can't see any other reason why she would insist on attending if she's not close to the family, especially when your nephew isn't joining them. MH is not always stable and ups and downs occur. Would you know how her health has been lately?

That would make sense then if they've said we'll take DN to the UK and see if she might be able to be near the parents on the wedding day just in case she needs them? Might that be construed as shoehorning? When really it's providing support to a disabled person that DSis and DBil are carers for. Have a chat, suss it out and see what you can sort between you in good faith.

Do all the people suggesting the niece just 'gets an invite' have any concept of how much a seat at a wedding can cost, or of venue capacity restrictions, or actual human relationships?

Just waiting for the 'I was uninvited to a close friend's wedding so her cousin who's she's never really know can go AIBU' thread...

OP, your daughter invites who she wants there, not someone who is being forced on her. Don’t be guilt tripped by those saying it’s only one person and her parents are spending a fortune to come to the wedding.
Over the years at many of our life event parties I have invited people, not because we wanted them there but because we thought we should invite them, mainly to keep the peace within the wider family. Without fail these people have upset us one way or another and usually at the event itself. In the case of our anniversary party this year, before and during. Never again. Only people we want to spend time with, and want to spend money on a meal for them, will be invited in future.

Would it be possible for niece to attend the evening do or she attends instead of Dsis’s partner?

OP's sister has "been living overseas with her family for about 30 years." Her son and daughter "are both late 20's", so presumably were not born here, did not grow up here, are relative strangers to their mother's family because they are half-way around the world from them. OP's daughter and OP's sister's daughter have next to zero shared history. They are cousins by genetics only.

OP's daughter's fiancé "comes from a bigger family who live quite locally so they have had to exclude quite a lot of cousins from his side." Cousins he presumably grew up with and who are cousins by genetics, by shared history, by kinship.

I'm a bit gobsmacked at the number of people who would prioritise this near-stranger over people who are close to the happy couple. All on the basis of 'well she'll have come a long way'. And 'her mental health'.

OP's sister chooses to live as far away as is possible from the UK. That is a physical insurmountable barrier to close relations. It was a choice she made that her children would not be growing up with her sisters' children, that they were extremely unlikely to ever be close. It was her choice. She doesn't get to be snitty about it now. She made it so.

😂😂

This. What a shame not to invite her cousin.

Fair enough!

The venue has a size restriction and is already full. I would be very direct with your sister and say something like, 'we're all so glad you and your DH can come to the wedding. I know that your DD is travelling with you for a holiday and, just to avoid any confusion or embarrassment on the day, I wanted to clarify that we can't add any additional guests due to venue restrictions.'

If you invite her, you have to invite all the cousins though?

Unless of course people are suggesting that her MH means it’s different.