Threat to gate crash DD wedding

Every wedding has this kind of drama. I had a registry office wedding with max 30 people, mine and DH immediate family alone exceeds that so we said no aunts, cousins etc etc at the ceremony and we still had phone calls from aunts we hadn’t seen in decades annoyed they weren’t included. Madness! I think this is ultimately your DD’s decision. I wouldn’t consume yourself with a rumour. Leave it to your sis and daughter to sort out of it happens.

But it isn't just one cousin is it ?

If they invite this cousin, there'll be requests from the other cousins and the thing just snowballs.

If the aunty can't find other support for her DD, knowing she isn't invited, then aunty declines the invitation. It would be the same if it was a child free wedding and aunty had a 4 year old. If she couldn't find child care, she'd decline the invitation. Sad but that's how things pan out

My DH is fuming to say the least

Your husband sounds horrible.

It’s not even his wedding.

It’s not even YOUR wedding.

Let DD and her fiancé take care of it.

Sweet Jesus. Do not do this.

This. It doesn’t have to be a giant drama. Someone else won’t be able to attend- there will be room.

It is your call of course but ai can’t imagine doing this to my niece
I mean 100 people more important than your niece

To spout shite. I guess that's what some people feel they need to do.

It’s not just church weddings, it is any wedding. The ceremony must be accessible to the public at large regardless of where it is held.

That's complete nonsense. Where did you read that?

But you weren't answering her question, you made up a whole scene ario to fit your narrative. Very different

Riiiggghhhtttt

It’s not just church weddings, it is any wedding. The ceremony must be accessible to the public at large regardless of where it is held.

I had several extras turn up to my wedding ceremony. I thought it was quite nice and invited them to the reception. We didn’t have any tight constraints on numbers though.

I'd post something on the family chat/social media saying "Please note, due to strict venue number restrictions we will not be able to accommodate additional guests on the day. The fire and safety requirements of the venue state that anyone not invited or RSVPd will not be permitted to enter the building. We're sure you understand that this is a building regulation and strictly enforced by xvenuex security.

But only 1 extras add up. Her fiance has had to limit fanily as well. People should be able to.invote who they want. We don't always like every member of our families so why should we invite them.

How mean and petty of your husband. Of course you should include their daughter.

This

Didn't read everything, but you said cousin could be left for a while anyway.

Are any cousins included in the evening party, and who else is on the list for that part?

I think I'd find a compromise and invite the Oz cousins to the after party if they can make their own way there. Maybe others going to the afters can bring them along. If not, get DD and future DH to invite them for the day. Who bloody cares what anyone else thinks. If that's the solution and your DH has a strop about it, he is a right Dickhead.

Traveling from Australia and they have a daughter, your niece, who still lives at home with MH issues? It's very likely as she is dependent on them that they can't leave her or really don't feel comfortable doing so. Lean in.

You should invite her and not waste any more energy on it so you enjoy the wedding run up and day. 💒

I'm getting married this year, I'd be seriously looking at hiring security to prevent my estranged family coming to the wedding if I needed to.

No one asked the cousin to come a very long way though.

People can invite, or not invite who they want to their wedding day.

If you’re going to have one cousin only, the long-lost one who lives thousands of miles away, who you didn’t even really get on with on the few occasions you’ve met, would be bottom of the list. Her MH doesn’t change that.

Frankly I think it's pretty rude of your daughter not to invite the cousin, if she's coming such a long way.

She's coming a long way knowing that she isn't invited though. It's not as though she said "lovely if you'd like to pop in for half an hour to see me but you can't come to the wedding". Very different.

And cousins can depend a lot. When I had my wedding all cousins on both sides and their families were invited. That was 10 extra people in total.
When my cousin got married, I have no idea about the other side but that would have been an extra 15 people just on one side. They didn't invite their cousins, which was fair enough, and I totally understood why.

A cousin in Australia is unlikely to have been an inseparable support through childhood, so is very different to a cousin who lived 5 minute walk away. So again someone saying "you have to invite cousins" is coming from one side. I had a great aunt in Australia who I've met once and never met either her children or grandchildren. My mum has met her Australian cousin three times since she was 18 months (when they moved there).

Op, I think it's worth a conversation if you have that sort of relationship.
Is she:

1. Coming along because they can't leave her
2. Coming along but they don't expect her to come to the wedding
3. Sister's humphed because she thinks the children should be there so has decided they're coming.

If it's the first two, if there is space, then I'd try and fit her in. If it's the last, I'd issue a "lovely to see her at the wedding, but it's a sit down meal so there won't be space" comment.

It's your DDs wedding and isn't she dealing with this? Anyway if your niece is definitely not invited then I would write to your sister to make this 100% clear in black and white, to head off any gatecrash attempt.
Say you are looking forward to seeing her and that you are very sorry that you are not able to include DN, but as it is a formal sit down meal catered for a set number of people there is absolutely no extra space for any last minute extra attendees.