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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to buy her house and tell her why?

183 replies

StinkyTowels · 16/01/2025 13:59

A few years ago my sister bought a beautiful period property with all original features. Victorian fireplaces, hand crafted bannisters, Victorian carved coving, the head things that pop out of the coving - I adored the house and always said if she sells it, I’ll buy it.

That was of course until she “modernised it”. Stripped out all original features, painted everything white, installed a clinically white and shiny kitchen, lobbed the standalone bath out of the window and replaced it with a spa bath … I kept telling her she was ruining the house but she said I was old fashioned and nobody likes that shit anymore.

The house is historically important, a local famous post lived there, from the outside it looks like a grand Victorian villa. On the inside it look like a London penthouse. It’s awful.

last year she decided to sell it but rather than coming straight to me she tried to sell it for much more than I would have ever paid due to the “improvements” she’d made. LOTS of viewings but no offers - all feedback was exactly the same - put off by interior. Lack of original features etc

So she’s come back to me - I’m now saying I don’t want it either for the same reasons. She’s fuming at me and says I “promised” I would buy it. In its original state I did yes but once she started pulling it apart I very clearly told her I would no longer buy it as she’s wrecked it. She won’t accept this however and is already eying up another house she’d like to ruin/renovate.

AIBU to be glad she can’t sell the bloody thing. It should be illegal to do what she’s done to that belle house

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 16/01/2025 15:37

YANBU

People should remember that you can only take these things out once, and they can never be put back. For me there’s a difference between essential modernisation to make a house suitable for modern living, like a boiler/ radiators, repairing windows, maybe moving a tiny kitchen, and ruining the place on the basis of “personal taste.” I’ve seen the most glorious things- complete 1930s bathroom tiling, stained glass, encaustic tiles, parquet floor, fireplaces etc- removed and replaced with modern tat because they didn’t match the colour scheme. It’s just so sad because the next person in the house would probably love them!

Plus often the people wrecking these places are too stupid to realise that the stuff they are ripping out is better quality than anything they’ll replace it with.

Likewhatever · 16/01/2025 15:33

It’s not just Victorian houses. Not too far from us there are some very substantial pre war detached houses set in large gardens. It’s heartbreaking to see them being “modernised”, all of the character features removed, mature trees and shrubs uprooted and replaced with acres of block paving or decking. Most have been painted white, with grey cladding and dark framed windows. They just look like identikit executive new builds now, dated and a bit Footballers’ Wives.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 16/01/2025 15:32

@StinkyTowels do you know what it was that attracted her to the house in the first place??

BrioNotBiro · 16/01/2025 15:31

ChestnutGrove · 16/01/2025 15:23

What's this? the head things that pop out of the coving. A plaster face?

I was going to ask the same thing. Corbels?

CautiousLurker01 · 16/01/2025 15:29

diddl · 16/01/2025 15:25

If people are looking at the details online & want period features I'm surprised they are bothering to view at all having seen that it has all been ripped out.

Perhaps they think they could replace but then realise it would be more effort than they thought?

That would be my bet - they view it thinking that the features may be boxed beneath the panelling and can be reinstated or that they could source the period features from a reclamation yard and reinstall them… only to find out they have been completely stripped out in every room and realise the asking price + that cost + the time/effort involved makes the project a no go.

22nws · 16/01/2025 15:28

YANBU not to buy it and YANBU to state that the reason is because the period features have gone.

However, so long as what she's done isn't against any rules/covenants etc, then YABU to criticise her interior renovation.

diddl · 16/01/2025 15:25

If people are looking at the details online & want period features I'm surprised they are bothering to view at all having seen that it has all been ripped out.

Perhaps they think they could replace but then realise it would be more effort than they thought?

Thedarkmode · 16/01/2025 15:24

This reads like you just think you’re better than your sister because you prefer period features. Of course YANBU to not buy her house if you don’t like it.

She’ll probably sell it eventually, plenty of people don’t like period features. Maybes it’s too expensive. The market isn’t great atm.

Likewhatever · 16/01/2025 15:24

ChestnutGrove · 16/01/2025 15:23

What's this? the head things that pop out of the coving. A plaster face?

I think the OP means a corbel.

Jeschara · 16/01/2025 15:23

Six of one and half dozen of the other here. The OP made it clear to her sister she will not buy the house now it has been modernised and lost the original features. The sister is unreasonable to be annoyed by this.
The OP is unreasonable and spiteful to be glorifying in the sisters failure to sell the house, and making caustic remarks about ruining another.

ChestnutGrove · 16/01/2025 15:23

What's this? the head things that pop out of the coving. A plaster face?

khakilover · 16/01/2025 15:20

TheWholeMealBaby · 16/01/2025 15:19

I don't think she does hate her sister.
Me and my sister have different tastes and both of us have mentioned things in each others houses that we don't particularly like.
I know if I decided to gut my house and give it a full retro 70's makeover my sister would piss herself laughing. If she decided to turn her new ish build home into a shrine for all things victoriana I would probably ask if she was having a mid life crisis.
Just because OP's sister didn't read the room and removed all of the character from her home doesn't mean OP has to pretend she loves it, in fact if the sister had real confidence in her design choices she wouldn't be so wounded by OP not liking it.

you and your sister have different tastes

would you be glad that she was struggling to sell because of her interior decisions?

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 16/01/2025 15:19

TheSnootiestFox · 16/01/2025 14:02

YANBU. I honestly have no clue why people with a taste for all things modern buy period houses. They need to bugger off to new builds and leave the coving and fireplaces for the rest of us!

Yep, i like both, but it's one or the other, don't combine them.

TheWholeMealBaby · 16/01/2025 15:19

HighSpecWhistle · 16/01/2025 15:11

Why do you hate your sister?

I can’t believe you said that to her when renovating, that she’s ruined it. How bloody rude!!

It’s fine if you don’t want to buy it, and she’s stupid to be trying to force you to, but honestly I’d never tell anyone I hated their renovations, that’s so rude.

I don't think she does hate her sister.
Me and my sister have different tastes and both of us have mentioned things in each others houses that we don't particularly like.
I know if I decided to gut my house and give it a full retro 70's makeover my sister would piss herself laughing. If she decided to turn her new ish build home into a shrine for all things victoriana I would probably ask if she was having a mid life crisis.
Just because OP's sister didn't read the room and removed all of the character from her home doesn't mean OP has to pretend she loves it, in fact if the sister had real confidence in her design choices she wouldn't be so wounded by OP not liking it.

CautiousLurker01 · 16/01/2025 15:18

HighSpecWhistle · 16/01/2025 15:11

Why do you hate your sister?

I can’t believe you said that to her when renovating, that she’s ruined it. How bloody rude!!

It’s fine if you don’t want to buy it, and she’s stupid to be trying to force you to, but honestly I’d never tell anyone I hated their renovations, that’s so rude.

It may seem rude, but it appears everyone who has viewed the property agrees with OP but there’s a not particularly fine line between rudeness and unpalatable truth.

If OP’s sister can’t sell it at the original price plus costs of ‘renovations’, then she has devalued it, so it is also a ‘fact’ that it has been ruined. I think the time for sugar coating it is past if OP’s sister is stuck with a property she can’t sell.

khakilover · 16/01/2025 15:17

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eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 16/01/2025 15:16

We just watched our vile neighbours rip the soul out or a beautiful Edwardian house... original fireplaces in the skip, original tiles smashed out... cornicing replaced with fake panelling... large rooms chopped in half...
I am a snob but it makes me shudder...

Efillufwa · 16/01/2025 15:14

She can’t force you to buy her house, it’s amusing that she thinks you HAVE to buy it.

The thing is, even if it was restored with features that were of the time it was built, it still wouldn’t be in its original state, that’s all long gone now.

I agree that it’s a bit sad when houses with history get modernised just for the sake of it.

HighSpecWhistle · 16/01/2025 15:11

Why do you hate your sister?

I can’t believe you said that to her when renovating, that she’s ruined it. How bloody rude!!

It’s fine if you don’t want to buy it, and she’s stupid to be trying to force you to, but honestly I’d never tell anyone I hated their renovations, that’s so rude.

Shoezembagsforever · 16/01/2025 15:10

How did she get away with doing this without planning permission? I live in a city full of Regency buildings and it's against the law to rip stuff out of period homes!

CautiousLurker01 · 16/01/2025 15:10

I feel we need to see the RightMove page…

BarnacleBeasley · 16/01/2025 15:08

I wouldn't be gloating because of her poor design choices, but I would probably be gloating because she's pissed off that you won't buy it when you allegedly 'promised', but she didn't actually offer it to you when she thought she could get more for it on the open market.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 16/01/2025 15:08

I like modern design. I also like victorian houses. You can blend the two easily enough - original features, modern colours.

PollyPut · 16/01/2025 15:08

YANBU to not like what she has done to the house.

But YABU to come across as so gloating that no-one will buy your sister's house

MumonabikeE5 · 16/01/2025 15:08

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 16/01/2025 14:01

YANBU not to buy it if it’s not to your taste.

But assuming there were no restrictions on what she is allowed to do, she was also not being unreasonable to renovate the house to her own taste.

Shame she doesn’t want to stay living in it.
and that she so swiftly removed features that had been in place for more than 100years, proving both their robustness and appeal.

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