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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to buy her house and tell her why?

183 replies

StinkyTowels · 16/01/2025 13:59

A few years ago my sister bought a beautiful period property with all original features. Victorian fireplaces, hand crafted bannisters, Victorian carved coving, the head things that pop out of the coving - I adored the house and always said if she sells it, I’ll buy it.

That was of course until she “modernised it”. Stripped out all original features, painted everything white, installed a clinically white and shiny kitchen, lobbed the standalone bath out of the window and replaced it with a spa bath … I kept telling her she was ruining the house but she said I was old fashioned and nobody likes that shit anymore.

The house is historically important, a local famous post lived there, from the outside it looks like a grand Victorian villa. On the inside it look like a London penthouse. It’s awful.

last year she decided to sell it but rather than coming straight to me she tried to sell it for much more than I would have ever paid due to the “improvements” she’d made. LOTS of viewings but no offers - all feedback was exactly the same - put off by interior. Lack of original features etc

So she’s come back to me - I’m now saying I don’t want it either for the same reasons. She’s fuming at me and says I “promised” I would buy it. In its original state I did yes but once she started pulling it apart I very clearly told her I would no longer buy it as she’s wrecked it. She won’t accept this however and is already eying up another house she’d like to ruin/renovate.

AIBU to be glad she can’t sell the bloody thing. It should be illegal to do what she’s done to that belle house

OP posts:
Crazycatlady79 · 16/01/2025 21:21

YABU to "...be glad she can’t sell the bloody thing." Reeks of schadenfreude.

caringcarer · 16/01/2025 21:19

TheSnootiestFox · 16/01/2025 14:02

YANBU. I honestly have no clue why people with a taste for all things modern buy period houses. They need to bugger off to new builds and leave the coving and fireplaces for the rest of us!

Absolutely this.

Shinyandnew1 · 16/01/2025 21:11

She won’t accept this however

What on earth is she saying-the conversation is a non-starter?!

Her:- You have to buy my house!
You:- No, I don't. You took out all the feature that I liked-why would I want to buy it now?!
Her:-but you promised.
You:- I'm not buying it.
Her:- oh.

ElvenPowers · 16/01/2025 21:03

I'm with all of you on keeping period things. But!!!!

We just moved into a Victorian house and are having a quandary. The fireplace is nice in itself but very space consuming, if we take it out there will be loads more room and also comfort and cosiness if we get the gas fire as a modern glass front, not a big drafty hole and a grate. Also a conservatory that is bloody freezing and energy inefficient - we need to improve it but will lose the original wooden doors I am sure. And ceiling lights - they're OK but all shadowy and dangly and make the whole place so gloomy. Original door furniture - beautiful!! But none of the doors shut and the lock mechanisms are loose, they pinch your fingers and make a massive clatter in the night.

I as all for the period things but in terms of livability it is stretching us to our limits!!!
So in our horror we are going to be people who take out not all but some of the glorious features.

Fanacapan · 16/01/2025 20:47

Until recently I worked in an estate agency and I’ve seen this so many times! The one that had us all groaning in the office was a chocolate box thatched cottage in a small village with roses round the door, country cottage garden etc. The owner ripped out all the flower beds, repositioned the path and driveway so they were all straight lines and tidy manicured lawns, finished off with a gravelled car park in front. The original had been featured in Country Life but honestly it was on the market for months and I don’t think think it ever sold but I left the office last year.

PurpleFlower1983 · 16/01/2025 20:42

There should be a law against ruining beautiful old properties in this way!

GivingitToGod · 16/01/2025 20:35

YABU to be glad that she can't sell it. Not sure why you are glad about this

JLou08 · 16/01/2025 20:22

For the title YANBU
The final sentence where you ask of YABU, yes hugely unreasonable. I can't imagine ever being happy that my sister was in a position where she couldn't sell her house.

Whippetlovely · 16/01/2025 19:57

BeMellowOchreZebra · 16/01/2025 14:03

YANBU.

Your sister is an idiot. Tell her you'll happily buy it at a sensible price when she restores all the beautiful period features she ripped out, as you were only interested in it due to the period character. You are not interested in a modern white box.

A woman did the same to my grandads 1930s house. Absolutely ruined it. All character gone and just white. The stupid woman didn't even bother improving the insulation which was what it actually needed.

1930s isn't really old, most of the houses where I live are 1900 - 1930 a lot of people modernise them on the inside. Mine has the original ceiling roses but most people rip out the fires as they are ugly. I would consider 1800s old not really 1930s those are just standard houses around here.

WildRoseMentor · 16/01/2025 19:57

Yanbu
The property was obviously great before your sister moved in. You've made it clear you don't appreciate her renovations. She went to the open market first so no thought of you when she thought she might make a huge profit.

As someone else said up thread. If it's a listed building, internal alterations may require listed building consent. To do works to listed buildings without the necessary consents could be a criminal offence.

I'd tell her that if she keeps on at you. Mind you I'm in a period property that was partially renovated by previous owners, thankfully they didn't do too much but it's taken a while to get the balance between period features and modern necessities.

Plastictrees · 16/01/2025 19:54

@ViolinsPlayGentlyOn The point is that removing period features are a sure fire way to lose money and is a silly thing to do if you hope to increase the value of your property.

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 16/01/2025 19:43

Drfosters · 16/01/2025 19:42

Yes but but we are specifically talking about the OP who says her sister is expecting a premium for her renovated property

Sorry, I thought the poster you responded to was talking more generally about people changing properties,

I think a lot of people don’t get their money back for home improvements, whether period renovations or not.

Drfosters · 16/01/2025 19:42

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 16/01/2025 19:40

Which only matters if you want to sell and move on. If you intend to live there indefinitely then increasing / devaluing houses isn’t the primary concern.

Yes but but we are specifically talking about the OP who says her sister is expecting a premium for her renovated property

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 16/01/2025 19:40

Drfosters · 16/01/2025 19:38

True they can but honestly the period features in old houses are the valuable bit. It might be someone’s taste to not have them and makes use of the other features the house but ultimately you are severely devaluing your house if you take them out.

Which only matters if you want to sell and move on. If you intend to live there indefinitely then increasing / devaluing houses isn’t the primary concern.

Drfosters · 16/01/2025 19:38

TheignT · 16/01/2025 19:33

Can you really not see why someone might like to live where the old houses are., like the size of the garden as most new builds have tiny gardens, or because it has good public transport or the local schools are good. Having bought the house they can do it how they like, it isn't a museum.

True they can but honestly the period features in old houses are the valuable bit. It might be someone’s taste to not have them and makes use of the other features the house but ultimately you are severely devaluing your house if you take them out.

CautiousLurker01 · 16/01/2025 19:37

CautiousLurker01 · 16/01/2025 15:10

I feel we need to see the RightMove page…

Pleeeease PM me the rightMove link. Am beside myself with curiosity!

myusernamewastakenbyme · 16/01/2025 19:35

Tell her to buy a soulless new build next time...leave the old houses for those of us that appreciate them.

TheignT · 16/01/2025 19:35

onwardsupwardsandbeyond · 16/01/2025 18:51

Absolutely, and most of them have zero taste anyway and white, white, white or grey, grey, grey with cold white lights everywhere. Leave the period properties to those who treasure and take more of a custodian approach. Plenty of other properties out there...

No one is stopping people who like the features buying the houses but if they don't and someone else buys the house it is up to them.

TheignT · 16/01/2025 19:33

TheSnootiestFox · 16/01/2025 18:54

As a person who likes period features, I'm not baring anything, thank you! 😂
I'm not sure what you're mean? There's plenty of new build estates springing up that haven't needed to rewrite history.

Can you really not see why someone might like to live where the old houses are., like the size of the garden as most new builds have tiny gardens, or because it has good public transport or the local schools are good. Having bought the house they can do it how they like, it isn't a museum.

Anywherebuthere · 16/01/2025 19:33

YABU to be glad that she can't sell it. Thats just mean. It was her property to do with as she wanted (legally).

Yanbu to refuse to buy it as it isnt to your taste as it is now.

TheignT · 16/01/2025 19:30

ScholesPanda · 16/01/2025 18:22

YANBU to buy whatever you like.

It's a shame that the period features have been taken out, I wouldn't do that personally.

However, it's all a bit subjective isn't it? People love a bit of coving but they probably wouldn't want to have one toilet that is outside and a back boiler would they?

Very true. My memories of living in a Victorian house as a child was no hot water and no inside toilet, in fact shared toilets at the far end of the yard and the women organised a rota for using the brewhouse, where the washing was done. Washing involved lighting the boiler out there so you had some hot water, scrubbing you clothes, putting them through the mangle and hoping you could get them dry.

Not original features anyone wants.

Drfosters · 16/01/2025 19:27

I give her a low ball offer and buy it and put all the features back in!

BountifulPantry · 16/01/2025 19:24

Just be breezy - you don’t fancy buying the house any more and that’s that.

Gonners · 16/01/2025 19:02

YANBU not to buy it. She is being unreasonable to be fuming with you for not buying it ... I assume she wouldn't be so cross if she'd had any offers at what she thought it was worth?

AIBU to be glad she can’t sell the bloody thing .... well, probably, though I'm inclined to be charitable here and assume you wouldn't be "glad" if she wasn't fuming with you?

Lots of assuming going on from me here, obviously!

Tel12 · 16/01/2025 19:01

Happens a lot around here. I've never understood why people buy houses with beams and then paint them and everything else white.

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