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Original poster

Moving in together

104 replies

krustyburger1 · 16/01/2025 13:35

Would you move in together with someone you've not spent an entire weekend with?

I'd be interested to know what people think. I've been with my DP for 18 months, been friends for 10 years. He's started talking about moving in together within the next year but due to the fact he has his teenage DC with him every weekend, we've never actually spent a full weekend together, just the two of us.

Obviously no issue with him having his DC, but I don't think it'd be wise to move in together when we've never actually spent a solid few days together, alone. DP disagrees.

OP posts:
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PrincessHoneysuckle · 16/01/2025 19:58

P.s only joking.I don't think you should live together yet.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 16/01/2025 19:57

Why don't you move into his and rent yours out?
You can live for free there and make money at the same time.
Beat him to it

VaddaABeetch · 16/01/2025 19:28

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 16/01/2025 19:12

Then don't! Simples!

Well exactly. What’s the rush?

He still had 2 kids to bring up.

What happens if he moves in with the kids half the time & you hate it?

It’s going to be very hard to ask him to move back out. You’ll be the baddie.

The current set up may not be perfect for you but you’re taking on a lot if he does in now.

Greyish2025 · 16/01/2025 19:23

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 16/01/2025 19:12

Then don't! Simples!

Exactly! just tell him you are not ready then and give your reasons

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 16/01/2025 19:12

Then don't! Simples!

Original poster
krustyburger1 · 16/01/2025 19:10

@VaddaABeetch I'd like to live together eventually. I don't feel comfortable living with someone who I've not spent any significant chunks of time with though.

OP posts:
VaddaABeetch · 16/01/2025 19:00

Do you want him to move in?

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 16/01/2025 18:43

If the banks won't give him a mortgage OP, there is more to this than meets the eye. Even self employed people can get a mortgage, so you need to find out WHY he can't get one. This would be VERY important to me, because if you ever want to own a home jointly, presumably HE will need a mortgage to pay his 50%.

sometimesmovingforwards · 16/01/2025 18:40

TomatoSandwiches · 16/01/2025 13:38

I wouldn't move in with anyone who has dependant children.

Agreed

Therealjudgejudy · 16/01/2025 18:34

What is the rush?
Keep the status quo until his kids are older

Justsayit123 · 16/01/2025 18:32

I think you’d be stupid. You don’t know him and his baggage!

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 16/01/2025 18:28

Is your house big enough for all of them to move in ?

why don't you rent out your home, and the two of you find a large enough property for all of you including your dc and cat to live n, and you pay 2/5ths or whatever would be fair to you to compensate him having his children so much of the bills to compensate for his family being larger than yours

or of course you could date for a few years then when all the children are grown up then move in together

Original poster
krustyburger1 · 16/01/2025 18:24

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon It's supposed to be 50/50 but I've definitely noticed it creeping up over the last few months!

OP posts:
Normallynumb · 16/01/2025 18:23

What is his motivation?
He seems to have got his plan already.
You haven't even spent the whole weekend together yet
You say you've been friends for years, but it's a completely different when you're in a relationship.
Be very careful and non committal to these ideas
Be aware he might well have a hidden agenda which will become clear in time

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 16/01/2025 18:22

So now you say he actually has his children more than 50/50 ?!!!

even more red flags appearing.

Owly11 · 16/01/2025 18:19

The fact that you don't want to but are still posting on Mumsnet to see if you are reasonable or not is not a good sign. If you think it's too soon just say a straightforward 'no' and don't let him raise it again. If he respects your 'no' then all well and good. If he keeps nagging you about it then that would be concerning.

happy2025 · 16/01/2025 18:15

You have a grown up DC who is only home for holidays and a lovely cat.

he has no assets, but has teens instead, WHY would you even consider moving in?

Having your separate households and continuing the relationship is the best way forward. After his DC move out and hopefully by then you've spent enough time together you can get a rental place together and rent out your house. Marriage wouldn't even be a consideration if I were you. Protect yourself.

Snowmanscarf · 16/01/2025 18:14

Also, self-employed people can get mortgages. Why was he a risk?

Snowmanscarf · 16/01/2025 18:12

krustyburger1 · 16/01/2025 17:26

For those of you saying we need more time together first, how do we do that if he has his DC every weekend?

Have a Monday -to Friday holiday?

BeLimeTiger · 16/01/2025 18:11

Moving in with someone with no assets is a problem when you’re the homeowner. It will always feel like ‘your’ home, because it is, and it’s a bit depressing when your partner has nothing to bring to the table in order to build a future together. At least that’s my experience. Is he saving up money for his future?

Original poster
krustyburger1 · 16/01/2025 18:08

@JimHalpertsWife He does some nights but he actually has his DC more than the 50/50 so more often than not they are at his.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 16/01/2025 18:07

You wait to move three people in until you've spent long periods of time together to know if you're actually compatible and until his teens are 18 or out of the home..

He comes with two teens. Living together along with possibly having your kid or kids in the mix is a whole different kettle of fish. Do you want your kid or kids to feel pushed out by a new family? Do you want to cart around teens again?

JimHalpertsWife · 16/01/2025 18:07

Why doesn't he stay at yours weeknights?

Redcandlescandal · 16/01/2025 18:01

gabsdot45 · 16/01/2025 17:58

I married someone I'd never lived with.
I don't see the problem really

I’m not so worried about him. OP would also be living with his DC at least fifty per cent of the time.

gabsdot45 · 16/01/2025 17:58

I married someone I'd never lived with.
I don't see the problem really