Page 8 | Strange behaviour of school friend mum

Kikili · 2025-01-16T10:00:58+00:00

I had a strange interaction with a mum at school. Our kids are good friends at school so she invited my child to her house for a playdate. I have never met her and I thought the playdate would naturally include me coming over to her house as we are talking about 4 year old kids here. Anyway, I went to pick my child up from school and when she realized I was coming along she panicked and cancelled the play date. Im not sure how anyone would feel ok with sending a 4 year old alone to a strangers house...am I overeacting in thinking there's something strange going on?

10storeylovesong · 16/01/2025 10:54

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Original poster

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:52

Pinkywoo · 16/01/2025 10:50

I wouldn't leave my 5 year old at a stranger's for a play date, but staying with a 10 year old is taking it way too far. I'm an 80s child and was cycling alone to the next village to go my friend's house by 8!

Im fine with a 10 year old or 9 year old at some friend's house without me being there...but not at a stranger's house. Im an 80ies child too and times have changed since. Someone I know had a child assaulted by the husband of a friend, during a sleepover. These things happen, unfortunately..

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Chillilounger · 16/01/2025 10:51

It will probably have been that her house was a mess and/ or her husband was working or around and is anti social and she didn't expect you to rock up too. If you don't know the family and are uncomfortable with your child going there alone then say no. I wouldn't be accompanying my kid on an after school playdate though. For context mine were probably about 7 before I let them go on playdates with school friends.

Original poster

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:50

Iwishiwasapolarbear · 16/01/2025 10:46

My 9 year old would be horrified if I attempted to join her on a play date

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Would you send your 9 yo alone to a perfect strangers house?

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Pinkywoo · 16/01/2025 10:50

I wouldn't leave my 5 year old at a stranger's for a play date, but staying with a 10 year old is taking it way too far. I'm an 80s child and was cycling alone to the next village to go my friend's house by 8!

Original poster

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:49

WaitingForMojo · 16/01/2025 10:45

Then why this post?!

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Because I find it odd that she expected a 4 yo alone in her home, when we never even spoke at school before she invited my son over thru the intermediary of my husband. And I do not want to discuss this with other school mums to avoid her embarassment.

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Iwishiwasapolarbear · 16/01/2025 10:46

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:37

I would never leave a child under 10 years old alone at a stranger's house. Anything could happen, from a dog bite, to a weird relative hanging around. Where Im from it certainly is not the norm.

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My 9 year old would be horrified if I attempted to join her on a play date

WaitingForMojo · 16/01/2025 10:45

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:43

That's fine by me.

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Then why this post?!

FoxtonFoxton · 16/01/2025 10:43

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:37

I would never leave a child under 10 years old alone at a stranger's house. Anything could happen, from a dog bite, to a weird relative hanging around. Where Im from it certainly is not the norm.

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That's absolutely fine. 10 is old for an accompanied play date for me personally, and when mine were at primary would have been very unusual unless the parents were friends and socialising, but you are allowed to have your own boundaries.

Original poster

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:43

WaitingForMojo · 16/01/2025 10:40

Then you’re not going to be able to have play dates with this particular friend 🤷‍♀️

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That's fine by me.

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Original poster

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:41

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/01/2025 10:25

Oh okay 😬

I think she's just awkward and her house needs decorating

I've been telling one mum that I'm gonna bring her to my house as soon as my carpets get replaced and I finish decorating my hallway, both fingers crossed happening next month, so I'm sure it's just that

Don't worry yourself or make a big deal out of it, no need for stress at the school gates - if she brings it up again, I'd just say I'm not comfortable leaving her just yet. Yanbu though

Edited

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Im ok with her at school but she seems to be getting out of her way to avoid eye contact. I did not want to gossip with other mums that know her about this and make it worse for her in case she's going through some issues...

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WaitingForMojo · 16/01/2025 10:40

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:37

I would never leave a child under 10 years old alone at a stranger's house. Anything could happen, from a dog bite, to a weird relative hanging around. Where Im from it certainly is not the norm.

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Then you’re not going to be able to have play dates with this particular friend 🤷‍♀️

FoxtonFoxton · 16/01/2025 10:38

I'd not think anything of it really. There are loads of people who are anxious/uncomfortable around people and others who are ashamed of their homes or being judged about their cleanliness etc. It was just a misunderstanding about what you both expected. If she doesn't want to arrange anything that's fine, you've asked and left the ball in her court. Say hi at the gates and forget it happened.

Original poster

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:38

devastatedagain · 16/01/2025 10:27

And you've been chewing on this for months and months?

Have you invited the kid to your house in the meantime?

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If you read my answers you'd know.

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Original poster

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:37

WaitingForMojo · 16/01/2025 10:22

The norm here once they’re in school is that parents don’t go on play dates. It seems like you just expected different things. I wouldn’t particularly want to be making conversation with the parent.

Has your child had other play dates? Do you know what the norm is in your area/ for your school? It would be highly unusual for a parent to go along here.

Did she think you were cancelling the play date when you turned up to collect from school?

I would never leave a child under 10 years old alone at a stranger's house. Anything could happen, from a dog bite, to a weird relative hanging around. Where Im from it certainly is not the norm.

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IrisApfel · 16/01/2025 10:31

I'd take it as just crossed wires and it wouldn't have worked for her for whatever reason, messy house, supposed to be working from home, hates small talk...

In future I'd always clarify the exact arrangements beforehand, as people do have wildly different ideas about this type of thing.
I remember a particularly awkward 6th birthday party which was bowling then a pizza/burgers next door to the bowling. I simply hadn't realised all the parents and in some cases multiple relations would assume they were also invited which was fine for the bowling but they also followed us to the restaurant and attempted to lurk around behind us while we had the food, getting in the way and pissing off the staff.
I ended up paying for them all to have a coffee and cake at a cafe two doors down and I could tell some weren't comfortable with it.

devastatedagain · 16/01/2025 10:27

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:16

It happened a while back, months ago.

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And you've been chewing on this for months and months?

Have you invited the kid to your house in the meantime?

TeenLifeMum · 16/01/2025 10:25

I think if she’s in primary then it’s normal for the parent not to attend so I’d assume she planned to do something while the dc played (like her online shop order or sorting drawers/washing)

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/01/2025 10:25

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:16

It happened a while back, months ago.

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Oh okay 😬

I think she's just awkward and her house needs decorating

I've been telling one mum that I'm gonna bring her to my house as soon as my carpets get replaced and I finish decorating my hallway, both fingers crossed happening next month, so I'm sure it's just that

Don't worry yourself or make a big deal out of it, no need for stress at the school gates - if she brings it up again, I'd just say I'm not comfortable leaving her just yet. Yanbu though

WaitingForMojo · 16/01/2025 10:23

It sounds like she just doesn’t want to do play dates if you’re wanting to go along too. You might have to leave it until they’re older and you’re comfortable with that happening?

WaitingForMojo · 16/01/2025 10:22

The norm here once they’re in school is that parents don’t go on play dates. It seems like you just expected different things. I wouldn’t particularly want to be making conversation with the parent.

Has your child had other play dates? Do you know what the norm is in your area/ for your school? It would be highly unusual for a parent to go along here.

Did she think you were cancelling the play date when you turned up to collect from school?

Original poster

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:16

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/01/2025 10:12

At first I thought she'd probably have been stressed because she wasn't expecting to have to make conversation with another mum

This is a bit weird - how long ago was this?

Maybe she's a scatterbrain?

I wouldn't think too much of it, i think pp are right and she's sorting out her house

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It happened a while back, months ago.

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BlondeMamaToBe · 16/01/2025 10:13

Her house was probably a mess or she didn’t have any coffee/snacks in.

I wouldn’t overthink it.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/01/2025 10:12

Kikili · 16/01/2025 10:10

Thanks for your answers. There is a part 2 to this. That same day, I texted her to say we can arrange a play date at her convenience, either at hers or mine, and she responded by saying that her son cried himself to sleep because the playdate was cancelled and that she'll let me know and of course have not heard from her since.

At first I thought she'd probably have been stressed because she wasn't expecting to have to make conversation with another mum

This is a bit weird - how long ago was this?

Maybe she's a scatterbrain?

I wouldn't think too much of it, i think pp are right and she's sorting out her house

Firingsz · 16/01/2025 10:10

It is usually confirmed by the parent that they are included too.
My 4 year old wouldn't be going anywhere with someone I didn't know.
Perhaps her house was a mess and she hadn't thought it through.