Strange behaviour of school friend mum

I have my 6 year old DDs friends here alone in my house all the time and she goes to her friends without me but these are solid friendships over reception and year one.

I wouldn't have felt comfortable my child going to someone's house for the first time without me at 4 years old.

I have an 8 year old and there is just one mum in the class who insists on coming for play dates. She knows me well by now. But as a result I cannot invite her child because I don’t have two free hours to sit and chat with her.

If I attempted to take my now teenager to a play date at 10 he would have rolled his eyes. By 11 he was making his own way to school. On public transport!

What????

You'd accompany your child every time they went to play at a friend's house?

No one said to ignore the children.

With dd the first time she ever went on a play date in reception year, so age 4, I did accompany her to the friend’s house and then the mum to mine another time. We just had a cup of tea both times and left after maybe half an hour. I don’t think I did this with any other mum, I got to know the parents and we were fine to let the parent pick up our child or vis versa.

Age 10 is really extreme. By 10 kids are marauding around often going from one house to another. Children need free time and time when they’re not being constantly monitored.

No one gets a vote on this except for you and your husband of course but there's no chance I'm entertaining parents of my kids' friends at 10 years old. My kids had dropoff playdates from nursery age and it was a fabulous opportunity to spend 1:1 time with my other kid, get some stuff done, do some work, whatever. I have never loved anything as much as the start of fully dropoff playdates. Every now and again of course I might have a coffee with another parent but it definitely wasn't the norm. Just worth being clear from the start as it sounds like she talked to your husband and he wasn't.

Yeah 100%

😆🤣😆🤣 because 4 year olds fall down the stairs constantly.... maybe don't let them upstairs 🙄

Playdates are childcare! Sort of.

I'd have expected the parents to stay at nursery age, but you did get the odd one who wanted to drop off (usually someone who had loads of kids.) Reception to Year 1, it's whatever the dropping off parent feels comfortable with - maybe you'd stay the first time, or have a quick cup of tea until you see they're settled. Year 2 and up it's definitely drop and run.

Unsupervised at 4 though?

Surely the idea is for the kids to entertain themselves.

Exactly. Ignore the children so you can get on with stuff. Let them fall down the stairs etc 🥴

That’s it. Who wants to have to make small talk with some random x

Was unheard of in the 70s for the mum to go to the other kid’s house with you after school to play. Didn’t happen in the 90s either.

The strange behaviour is from you.

Chaperoned play dates until 10?

No thank you. I organise play dates so my kids can play and I can get on with stuff, not entertain their parent.

I think she panicked and didn't realise you were expecting to come. She may have anxiety and wasn't expecting an evening of making conversation with a stranger in her home. She may have felt put on the spot by this and wasn't anticipating an evening of awkward conversation rather than simply leaving the kids to it. To be honest I feel that you shouldn't have assumed that the invite included you being present, best to always check.

I'm not a mum but I do remember going to friend's houses for dinner at 4 years old and it was the norm for parents not to be there. Perhaps times have changed but could that have been what she was expecting? Perhaps it was simply that she was out of coffee/milk/biscuits?

Exactly! It's not like your sending your child off with some randomer that you met on the street!

The dramatics on this thread is crazy!

How are you going to handle sleepovers

I wonder whether it was a misunderstanding and when she saw you at pick up, she thought that you were cancelling?

Anyway, I'd invite her kid round.

They are not perfect strangers

Did you tell her you were expecting to go on the play date with the child? It's not normally the done thing to go on a play date.

The parents of playdates aren't strangers though

The norm in my circles is that once at school a parent accompanies child on a playdate the first time, and then leaves them there the following times. However all the mums (myself included) extend the invite to the parent as well, so that the other parent can choose what they're comfortable with.

That's very extreme, normally here it's fine once you've been the first time with your child.

Exactly. Teachers are trained, supervised and have criminal record checks. Thinking its normal to have strangers looking after a 4 year old is such a weird concept. Kinda neglectful actually.

TBF their teachers were strangers when they started school...

Oh come on, that’s a ridiculous thing to say and you know it.