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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids WhatsApp group

132 replies

Pjsallday · 16/01/2025 09:55

My 11 year old (year 6) got a phone for Christmas. He will be starting to walk to and from school soon as i want to prepare him for secondary school in September. I've always walked or drove him to school and I've seen quite a few peers going it alone so I guess it's time. Im abit nervous as he can be abit ditzy and I just want him to be aware of the roads etc. Anyway he got a phone so I could track his movements. He's exchanged his number with all our family members and some school friends. I didn't want him to have Snapchat WhatsApp etc as i knew he would become obsessed. So he downloaded WhatsApp secretly and of course there is a group chats with kids from school. Well it's all kicking off. One girl is putting up the little questionnaire things like who is funnier x or y. Who's the prettier girl x or y. Then the kids are voting. I'm very concerned about this. My child isn't responding so she's calling him out for it. I have took him off the chats but she keeps adding him. I fear this could lead to bullying. Unfortunately some of his pals who he's close with have interacted with all of this and I just feel it's all peer pressure. I want him to delete the whole WhatsApp but he likes sending pictures to his aunts and uncles etc. Anyway my AIBU is do I tell the teacher. Obviously if she addresses the whole class the kids will figure out it might have come from my kid as he was the only one to leave the chat. And I don't want him to get left out or bullied for it. Im in two minds
I wish I never got the blooming phone now. What do I do. I feel so sad for him

OP posts:
tpmumtobe · 16/01/2025 10:32

You need to install effective parental controls as a condition of him having the phone. You'll be able to limit what apps he can have and how long he spends on them. Google Family Link is free and very good.

If you want him to keep Whatsapp for family chat purposes then you can adjust the settings in Whatsapp so only selected contacts can add him to groups. They can still send him an invitation, but he just declines it rather than being added automatically. If he's not mature enough to delete it those requests, then he loses Whatsapp.

SinnerBoy · 16/01/2025 10:30

The school are very likely to be interested. We get an mail every term, stating that they are banned, there's loads of bullying on the groups.

B0xes · 16/01/2025 10:26

It would be nice if other parents bothered to monitor their children's smartphone usage and take similar action too. It's very difficult for kids who feel like they're missing out on something the majority of the class is involved in.

JacquesHarlow · 16/01/2025 10:23

The phone isn't a genie in a bottle. It's not a horse which has bolted.

You are the parent. You are the person who can guide for him how he acts. It doesn't matter if this girl is calling him out; he has to stand up and see past her pressurising approach.

Until then, I'd take the phone and delete WhatsApp. He doesn't need it to message you (iMessage? normal SMS?) and you don't need it for tracking him.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 16/01/2025 10:22

H is a teacher, bullying on whtsapp is rife, and one of the biggest issues they face. I would be deleting Whatsapp off his phone, put restrictions on it so he can't download things and if h won't comply take the phone off him.

Endofyear · 16/01/2025 10:10

Why would you tell the teacher? This is not a school issue. You need to delete the WhatsApp from his phone and keep a much closer check on what he's got on there - he shouldn't be able to download apps without your permission. If he doesn't comply with your rules, take the phone away until secondary school.

TipsyKoala · 16/01/2025 09:59

No do not tell the teacher. It's got nothing to do with the teacher, the teacher has enough to do. This is a parenting issue. Delete Whatsapp from the phone as your child is too young and set up proper controls so he can't download whatever apps he wants.