Partner watching female “fitness” video when I was asleep next to him

Huge over reaction

I can't see where OP says she regards exercise videos as porn.
I think you are either very naive or being disingenuous if you are not acknowledging why many men view these supposed exercise videos though.
OP has every right to feel disrespected by her partner lying in bed next to her watching videos of other women.
Why do you feel the need to mock the valid emotions of OP?

Goodness what a dirty bastard

Well no he could shut it down as he scrolls through, knowing his partner views exercise videos as porn and he’s not allowed to watch it. He should then bleach his eyeballs, obviously after massaging her and hugging her, fetching her painkillers.and basically subjecting himself at the alter of her womanliness.

😂

Yes you are totally unreasonable. Get a grip.

You clearly didn’t read what I wrote.
It is life, doesn’t mean it needs to happen in front of the other person.

I am fully aware that my DP watches porn and other content online, for instance, but I would never dream of actually seeing him do it.

Really?? Omg people on here need to get a grip. So what if he was watching a female fitness video.... its life. So what if he watches porn.....its life. GET OVET IT

But it wasn't "fitness" dressed up as porn (as you have described) was it? Because anything remotely like a soft porn video would have been reported and taken down by Tiktok.

If you had caught him with his hands down his pants pleasuring himself next to you, whilst watching it, then I could understand you feeling put out. The fact that a video game came up in the next video indicates that it was on his FY page and not that he had deliberately searched similar videos.

My husband has entered the room and been transfixed while I've been doing a Heather Robertson YouTube video. He has commented "look at the arse on her!" My response would be to playfully throw a cushion at him. But I don't blame him as she's got an amazing body. And i don't feel he is disrespecting me.

I think you overreacted and the fact you are on your period could be to blame.

YABU. I couldnt get worked up over something like this. Me and DH are both into fitness so our algorithm brings up a lot of fitness influencers and videos. You say it was a woman thrusting the floor so more than likely a yoga or pilates video. Shes just a fitness content creator but you sound jealous that she was attractive.
If I scroll across a shirtless, muscular male influencer I will absolutely sit and watch the video. Yes im probably going to admire his body but im also interested in what hes doing too. It doesnt make me a bad person and it certainly isnt me cheating or being disloyal. Id be fuming too if DH tried to see his arse with me and act like id done something wrong.
What happens if he went to the gym or joined one of these classes. Would you stop him from going because there are attractive women there working out? Do you expect him to walk looking at the floor when out and about so he doesnt accidentally check out an attractive woman? Sorry but this is something you absolutely need to try and get over.

I don't do Tiktok.
But I assume there is no requirement to watch random videos that pop up if you have no interest in them?
The fact he lay next to OP and watched this woman would surely indicate he had an interest otherwise he would have skipped straight on to the next random item.

So to clarify, your DH woke up wanting to have sex (normal) but you had come on your period and were in pain so didn't want to (fine), you asked him to get you painkillers (which he did), then he went onto TikTok (also fine). Presumably he didn't type in "hot girls exercising" whilst you were lay next to him so I'm really struggling to see what the issue is here...

Do you not look at other men OP?

just stick some porn on and look at naked blokes.

Why is it hurtful that he started watching TikTok when you said no to sex???

It's TikTok. You don't decide what comes up. Yes of course there is an algorithm to a certain degree but I get loads of random videos of stuff I have no interest in.

Wow, you’re being very controlling. I couldn’t care less if my husband watched hot girls working out. But then again, he’s not a cheating loser.

I suspect there are deeper issues than this one video.

Was he actually aware of that when he initiated it, though?

She never said that he was aware that this had happened.

And shes more up-set with video i dont get it.

I can't get over the fact that you woke up in pain, having bled through your PJs and his first thought was sex. That's disgusting behaviour.

Abuse? Because he watched a tiktok? Yeah trying to initiate sex whilst op is bleeding like this is awful, but did he even know? I'd be interested in hearing his take on this.

The thing is op only you can decide what kind of relationship you want to be in. Maybe this was a one off and he will apologise and see how this has affected you. Or maybe its typical behaviour we can't say.

Others will judge this on their behaviours,intentions and what is acceptable in their relationships. Even behaviours they are trying to normalise. All of which is unhelpful to you. Its YOUR life. You and your partner are not them.
This affected you. You need to listen to that. A healthy partner would also want to understand what was going on for you because they care. Even if they dont agree they would listen and should have the intention of i dont want my partner to hurt how can we address this together.

We are all allowed to have different boundaries in our relationships that work for us/the couple. Everyone is different. But make sure YOU are happy with whatever you decide is acceptable or not.

We certainly don't have to just accept behaviour that feels hurtful to us because someone else says it doesn't effect them.

Yes, I really think you overreacted.

Unless there is more to this then I don't see any abusive behaviour here. He initiated sex, you asked him to stop and he did. He found a video on tick tok of an attractive woman - I think most men and probably a lot of women would have a good look.

Goodness this took a turn, now he’s abusive and he was supposed to massage you and be close to you in any way you want.

blimey who knew.

No from him.

A loving partner would be concerned you was in pain. Might suggest a hot water bottle,massage ask you how they could help. Would continue wanting to be close with you in a way you wanted too.

He sounds more concerned about his 'needs' (really just wants)and his entitlement to sex.

The video is a red herring. I would be more upset that the cuddle was only there to initiate sex and once you'd said no he stopped cuddling. It makes the intimacy of the cuddle very transactional.