To not take DSS on holiday this year?

If he’s expecting to come, it would be mean to go without him. His term time is equally as important as your job, so why does one mean the holiday happens and the other doesn’t?

Do two holidays, a couple one in term time and a shorter one focused on his interests in the holidays.

Explain the situation and offer him £200!

A holiday in term time is a fraction of the cost. Me and DH holidayed without (and with, but sometimes without) DSS for this reason and so does his Mum. I don’t see anything wrong with it - IMO being able to holiday childfree is one of the few benefits of blended families.

Not a problem at all - I don’t have stepchildren but I do have three of my own and yes, the pair of us have taken holidays without them at that age.

”Your stepmum and I are going to xxx in May this year. We couldn’t get time off in the school holidays. Sorry, love, I know you’d like to have come. We’ll book a weekend away somewhere you fancy when 6th form breaks up.”

Of course you can't go without him! Sounds like you're trying to justify it. Absolutely not.

You have other trips booked with him, it's fine for you both to have a break without him.
MN is very weird in that parents should never holiday without DC until they're about 25!!

To me that's fine then.

His mum doesn't bother so it sounds lucky that you and his dad have taken him the previous 4 years.

Him and his dad have other holidays planned so to me go for the couples holiday.

Ask him whether there is somewhere particular he would like to go on holiday this year (perhaps limiting to Europe or by flight time). See if you can make that work - either as a long weekend or just him and DH if you can't get time off in the school holidays.
Explain about you only being able to get away for a full week in term-time, and surely he will entirely understand if you and DH go on a holiday without him.

Sorry no.

It's absolutely fine to take an adult only break but only if you also take the DC away.

Find something which has activities that he can independently do whilst you two chill. Pop over to the holiday boards for ideas.

If he's already going away with his dad then I see no reason for you not to go when it suits you. At 17 they are more than old enough to understand this and it's a good lesson on how work actually fits around life.
I haven't taken my dds away since they were 17 but I do contribute to their holidays with friends as a compromise

If we gave him the choice he would jump at going, but how much enjoyment he’d get out of we are unsure. Last time we did this trip he spend 80% of the time in his room with the aircon on!

Just because someone isn't doing the activities you think they should be doing doesn't mean they're not enjoying themselves, or enjoying being included. Maybe he had a great time sitting in the comfortable aircon reading and relaxing and being with his family, and he didn't need to be out in the sun to have an excellent holiday.

You should just talk to him properly though. He's 17 and he's old enough to understand your logistical dilemma. You can talk about the other trips, outings etc you're taking him on; you can talk about doing things he might enjoy more rather than a family holiday. I totally get why you want to change things now. But you need to have the discussion and listen to what he says, and stick to the logistics being the problem rather than pretending you're doing this on his behalf.

Your latest post puts a different spin on things from your earlier one. If you can’t get leave in his school holiday, there’s not really much to discuss.

Could you do a term time couples trip then he does a week away with his dad? My DS used to do walking holidays with DH- 4 days or so staying at really basic places so didn’t cost much but was great father/son time.

It is fine to go on holiday just the two of you.

My parents went on holiday without me when I was that age.

This is tricky. Could you compromise and not take him away in the summer, and do something say October half term. It seems a shame to miss out as you and DH want to take him. A different time of year will offer different opportunities as to what holiday you have. In the meantime, could you and DH go to a spa for a weekend. It’s not a weeks worth of chill, but it could make the best of a different situation. It seems unfortunate for you to have no summer but that’s how it goes sometime. I assume it’s A Levels? So once he’s finished his exams treat him to an extra special holiday that can be in term time…imagine what that could get you 😃

So just say to him that he has choices:-

A short long weekend city break abroad as a three
A week away with his dad (you staying home)
Or skip it this year

Either way, as long as he is happy with one of the above, there's no problem (imo) you and dh doing a separate term time trip just the two of you. Parents are allowed to do holidays as a two every now and then

I think if it’s just you and dh then that’s okay, but I wouldn’t go somewhere your dss has been before or would want to go. I’d do something completely different as a couples thing, I think that’s okay especially if you have other things booked with dss which you do.

The fact that he chose to go with you as a teen once he got a say and you say he’d jump at the chance to go makes me think it would really be sad not to take him, especially on what is probably one of his last family holidays given his age. And I’m definitely one of those people who have no problem holidaying without the kids! But that doesn’t mean they don’t get a holiday at all.

You say it’s not down to finances but down to your work schedule. So your schedule is effectively trumping his! Which totally makes sense as you’re paying. But the solution for me would therefore be for his dad to take him on a holiday somewhere for a week. They can tailor it to the two of them then.

Just talk to him and explain. You can't get leave out of term time so can't do a holiday with him this year but you'll all plan something else.

Better to do that now than tie yourselves up in knots about it.

Sounds like he's got other stuff planned with you both anyway.

Why don't you discuss it with him. Be honest, he's old enough. Say that you'd love to go away with him but you're compromised on the dates due to other people's leave.

Could his dad get school holidays time off to do a longer than weekend holiday somewhere and then the two of you have your term time break? You could talk to him, ask him where he'd like to go, that's if his dad can get holiday off in school holidays.

At 17 lots of parents start to take holidays without their kids and it is optional. The fact it is somewhere he wouldn’t be keen to go is a bonus. Talk to him about it before booking and be honest.

Do a 3 night city break the three of you in school holidays. Then during term time you and dh take a break away just the two of you for 4/5 nights