To not take DSS on holiday this year?

It's fine to go on holiday without kids. It's not as if you're taking younger ones and leaving him out. At 17 mine would rather have gone camping with mates or go to a festival, can you offset your guilt by offering to pay for a summer festival ticket?

You can't be serious?

Oh dear god, do you always take everything so literally? You must be a great bloody craic to live with 😏

Sounds like there are quite a few options to me.

1. go away at Easter or in a half term instead when you can get leave.
2. he goes on holiday with Dad and you and DH have a separate holiday (sounds like they're already going away somewhere anyway? This sounds fine to me)
3. if he's 17 is he doing A levels this year? In which case won't he finish earlier than normal summer anyway?

Hardly hysterics

OP explain the situation to him and tell him that you are going on a beach/pool holiday and he didn't seem to enjoy it last time

If he wants to go then fine but if it doesn't suit then that's okay

Take your holiday at a time that suits him. He is 17 and it is likely one of your last with him.
Find another similar place to visit in Summer.

Plan holidays alone after he has turned 19.

My parents went away without me once I was 16. I didn’t think much of it and recognised they liked archeology and architecture and I didn’t! On Mumsnet you’re a monster if you do that!

OP as an alternative can you do a couple of weekends away with your stepson doing things he would like? Doesn’t have to be abroad? And then you two can have a week doing this hot holiday he won’t really get much out of.

"If you can't afford a holiday for all the family, you can't afford a holiday"

"If you can’t make it work you choose something else - he’s not an optional extra."

"If he’s expecting to come, it would be mean to go without him. "

"Of course you can't go without him! Sounds like you're trying to justify it. Absolutely not."

"Sorry no. It's absolutely fine to take an adult only break but only if you also take the DC away."

Yeah this.

We just have DSD so we take her on holiday (usually May or October), her mum takes her on holiday (summer) and then me and DH and DH ex have a holiday without her where she goes to stay with the other parent.

I think that's fair on everyone as means DSD gets two nice holidays (usually abroad) and us and DH ex get a holiday where we don't have to go in term time.

Ask him if he wants to go on holiday with you this year now that he is older, he might turn around and say no and then there is nothing to worry about

We stopped taking ours when they were 17 because they didn't want to come, would rather go away with their mates

Just explain to him he is 17 not 7, at that age I'd imagine he's mature enough to understand the reason why and just plan a weekend with him where you do something instead

He’s 17!

of course you can go away for a break in term time without him.

my parents went away for a week abroad without me every year from when I was a toddler. And no, we didn’t always have a family holiday as well.

my nephew’s mum goes abroad with her husband (who was the OM) every year, leaving the kids with us. They don’t take the kids abroad every year either. When the kids to go abroad with mum and stepdad their dad gets left behind, he doesn’t get to go on every holiday his kids do. It’s often not practical to have a holiday with both parents every year, time, money, school, hobbies etc.

adults can go on holiday without a 17 year old!

dh is going on holiday next week without me and the kids as it’s school time and one of us has to stay. I went with one dc last year and left dh and the other at home. Dh and I are planning a holiday when eldest passes driving test.

insisting everyone goes or no one does is ridiculous. Kids learn that they don’t get everything and they can’t always be included.

i agree if it was their own child no one would care.

My daughter is 18yrs and on the verge of wanting to do her own thing but still be included with us (my 13yr old and myself). Our compromise is that we are doing a long weekend in Rome for her 18th and maybe another smaller city break later in the year. It sounds like a long weekend maybe more doable fo you.

What sort of holiday would he really like? It's the last one you'll probably have with him so why not do something that he would love?

Where's the hysterics?

If it’s not money then I think it’s fine for you and DH to go away without him if he gets a separate holiday with just his dad.

I would say. "Sorry, DSS, we have left it a bit late to sort out and now we can't get time off together apart from term time. So we are going to go back to xxx this year, but where would you like to go next year? You will be 18, so let's think about a good holiday destination to celebrate that, and get the time off organised well in advance"

God, book the holiday. It's not like the DSS is deprived if he's going on other trips. Like others have already said, people go on holiday without older teens all the time. And you can't make it work any other time.

Why should you go without a holiday? You've had some ridiculous replies so far.

Yes. Totally agree the responses would be completely different.

Of course you can leave him behind if you're going on a couples holiday in term time.

Some silly responses on here.

Different if you were taking your own DCs and purposely leaving him behind.

Offer to pay for him to go on a post A-levels holiday with his friends if you're feeling guilty.

It's because she said DSS not DS. If it was a shared DS it would be fine.

Despite the hysterics on here there's a whole other thread rumbling where many many MANY people have stated that once their kids are 16/17 they don't always go on holiday with them. Stepson is a red herring really and that makes people very over-sensitive when you use that.

He’s 17! I can’t believe some of the posters responses.

He’s not a primary aged DC.

Take him or don't take him, it's your decision, but do recognise it makes your narrative of being blocked from taking him on holiday for years sound like BS.

You could have taken the time and money from one couples holiday to have the matter sorted in court, and unless there was abuse or potential harm in your DH spending holidays with his kid, it's hugely likely the court would have ruled in his favour.

You also claim that "between DH and I we’ve agreed that we’ll continue to offer to take him until he is out of full-time education" but at the first sign of a problem that agreement gets dropped.

Plus you're openly sneery about his mum not taking her son on holiday, whilst not recognising the hypocrisy when you point out how hard it's going to be to take him away with you.

So, in short, whether you take him or not, you need to drop the bad attitude towards his mum as it's clear you've quite enjoyed the flexibility (& cheapness) of the childfree holidays you've had over the years and it hasn't taken you long to want that flexibility back.

If you’ve no other kids then this isn’t a family holiday he’s left out of, it’s a couples holiday specifically for adults. Romantic, drinking, no responsibilities type of holiday. Long walks alone on the beach and long dinners to look into each others eyes and reconnect with each other.

I think if he knows from the get go that this is why you’re going away, he’ll be fine. Even if he’s disappointed he can’t come it’s not excluding him specifically.