To not take DSS on holiday this year?

I think parents are allowed child free holidays

It's only bad if you take one child and not the other

You should offer him another treat in the school
Holidays thoigh like theme park or trip to seaside for the weekend of shopping in London

I'd invite him and let it be his choice. If he spends 80% of the time in his room, as long as he's happy, who cares?
Maybe he enjoys the getting away from reality for a week and being in a different space. If you all meet up for food once a day to talk about things and catch up, brilliant! His not in your hair hanging about annoying you, so I'd call it a win win situation if it was me.
It's lovely that you have such a good relationship so definitely dont do anything to jeopardise that!

Is it possible for him to bring a friend on your holiday? If so, can you compromise on the location? Perhaps somewhere similar but not as hot.

Gosh my ex goes on holding constantly without our so it feels so odd people telling you what you can't do in your child free time.
What does he say he wants to do? I wasn't all that interested in holiday with parents at 17 but did do lots with friends (school trips etc) at that age.

You ok?

Is that just holidays?

it it selfish to buy myself a phone and not get the 17 year old one. A car? Tickets to a show?

I’m an adult. If I want to buy myself a holiday I will. I don’t have to include the kids, in fact for many people an especially women- it’s a great mental health break to get away from the responsibility of kids, doing what they want and keeping them happy, your own needs coming last.

like that woman who hit the news a few years back. Books herself a holiday on her own and goes. Good on her.

51 weeks a year I spend taking the kids to school, to their hobbies, cooking for them, cleaning, making decisions as to what I think they’d like or not like. If I want one week where I go away and not be thinking about other people and sorting out other people then I don’t see why it’s “selfish”.

I think it’s selfish to not give your kids a holiday and have one yourself. To say that the kids are going away in a year’s time is a bullshit excuse.

My DC are currently 15 and I wouldn’t take them out of school for a holiday anymore as these are exam years and too important. So if we couldn’t go during school holidays we wouldn’t be going as a family.

If it’s not about the money, I would offer to pay for him to go away with friends, school or on some sort of activity/adventure holiday for teens. Then I’d feel less guilty about going away in term time without him!

I think that’s pretty poor from your friend to be honest.

Sounds like you have made your mind up and are trying to justify it. Don’t pretend you are doing it for him.

It sounds like you are looking for any excuse possible to not have him come with you. Quite mean.

@rookiemere I share your pain!

Hah !
Our DS steadfastly refused to holiday with us age 16-17 unless we brought along a pal for him which we did on occasion. Now he has turned 18 and is at uni, he seems to have suddenly realised the benefits of a fully paid holiday and comes along whenever he can. Thankfully Costa Rica - which we are managing to afford due to free BA flights from the Amex card - is during term time. He eats and drinks like a gannet as well,costs an absolute fortune to take him.

This generally what parents do.

Plan holidays alone after he has turned 19.
seriously? so parents cannot holiday without their kids until 19?
utterly ridiculous.

Because they're paying for it and because they can't just take a couple of weeks off work when it suits the son?

Do something different this year, go away to this place next year when he's off at Uni, working or whatever.

And that’s your choice.

some parents choose to go away without kids. Some even prioritise couples holidays over family holidays.

As long as the children are left cared for then there isn’t a problem.

it’s not obligatory to involve kids in everything you do. I go shopping without them, I go to the gym without them. They go to school without me, they even go abroad without me. My brothers kids go away without him. So no, I don’t think there’s a problem going away without kids if circumstances allow.

there’s no need to be jumping through hoops to “make it up” to a 17 year old that his dad went on an adult holiday with his wife.

If you can't get time off to go during the school holidays, then you can't do a big trip away with him this year. It's that simple. You don't have to feel guilty about doing a couples trip with your DH when you can get holiday.

What you can think about is whether you could plan an extra-special trip next year (and ask him where he'd like to go) and whether there are any smaller things he'd like to do in the UK (maybe half-term trips/weekend trips) this year to make up for it. Maybe he and his dad could put a 'bucket list' together with a few ideas.

But (on the assumption that you can't get the leave for a trip with DSS) no, there's no point in you and your DH missing out on a trip together just because DSS can't come. It's not like there's any other children in the mix who are missing school for the trip so unequal treatment.

Have you already booked the trip?
Why not go somewhere else? Why not combine sightseeing with beach time? When we book our holidays we always chose 1-2 days when we hire a car and tour the island or go on some trip on a bus or take a train to a nearby city/town. My parents used to go to the same beach place year after year after year and I was so bored and hated it as a teenager (but I still didn't want to stay at home alone!).

After reading your second post I think it's ok not to take him. I would just explain to him about not being able to take a long holiday during school holidays so you've decided to take a holiday just the two of you for some couple time.
But you'll be taking him away for long weekends instead.
If he'll be 17 by the summer he might prefer to go away with friends instead anyway

He is 17, not a small child. Adults are allowed to go away without the children, step or otherwise.

This - if I can’t afford to take the kids, we do a camping/uk weekends and save up for the next year. We don’t exclude the kids (step or otherwise).