To think it isn’t appropriate (nursery)

What a sad world we are in when nursery workers, who naturally become attached to the children they care for, and the children attached to them, can no longer show spontaneous signs of affection in case it is deemed unprofessional or inappropriate.

Next stop Romanian orphanages.

They are vetted but some things slip through the cracks. It's not unheard of. Just google Vanessa George, and there's a few others I can't think of the name of. I do realise that you can't go through life being worried about everything and you need faith in people but you trust the nursery organisation as a whole, not the individuals who work there because beyond their work role, you don't know them. And not kissing a child is not such a hardship. That aside, what about coldsores and hygiene?

I think they're just different things, although I'm not in England so maybe the expectations are different there. Here nursery schools are either associated with a primary school or standalone but they will have a primary school teacher in each room and it will be run like a P1 classroom. Whereas a private nursery is childcare and the staff in the preschool room have the same qualifications as the staff in the baby room - various levels of childcare qualifications but not teachers.

Both great though, just different things. I wouldn't want my 3yo in the nursery school setting for 5 full days, just as I wouldn't want my 5yo in a P1 classroom until 5:30.

All fabulous staff though who do a great job. And I wouldn't have an issue with any of them giving our DC a kiss on the forehead.

Baby and toddlers at nursery fine- I would expect it

Secondary pupil would be - well many teenagers find that off from parents

So somewhere in the middle

First year in Primary is pretty much a key worker who is aiming to get a child set up for school - the transition to a formal environment so it wouldn't raise my eyebrows in reception if a child was badly distressed

Baby's are not miniature adults - their needs are different , their communication is different

We don't have fewer wiredos as we become more hands off as a society and most of the weirdos are inside the family and trusted by the adults

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest but this is your child and if it makes you uncomfortable you’re within your rights to ask them not to. I’d speak in private to the staff member and not make it official though. I couldn’t do that to someone who was caring towards my child.

Yes, of course everyone who actually works with children knows they put themselves at risk professionally. That's something entirely different though. That's workers protecting themselves from allegations which is unfortunately the reality when we pay for people we don't have a natural relationship with to care for our babies. It's an unnatural situation, therefore the conflict arises.

You also know as well as I do that primary and secondary are different developmental stages. High levels of physical contact is necessary for younger ones, it tapers off as they grow. A kiss is a natural impulse, babies are delightful! Teens are not, in that way.

@CaptainMyCaptain
You are correct.

In my experience all LA nurseries have had a QTS member of staff in the nursery.

I don’t this private schools at any level need QTS.

Just by doing a quick internet search I can already see the disparage between LA lead job roles and the private sector.

Plenty of hugs and cuddles yes definitely. Kissing no. I've done some safeguarding training briefly and think it was mentioned in that on appropriate behaviour.
HOWEVER. Trying to apply this situation to myself if I was waiting to collect dc from nursery and could see this happen through the door window and it was one of the staff members who I have a good relationship with and not someone I'd never met then I'd be absolutely fine.
Fwiw my child kisses the cats, Henry the hoover and random objects he loves. He's a very very hands on cuddly boy!

They are vetted, or do you think that parents are just leaving their children with just anybody? Over the top response.

@B0xes
How about a primary teacher or secondary?
At what point do we find it unacceptable. A reception teacher?

Every person on this thread who works in childcare has said it is inappropriate.

It is invaluable to have key workers who care for our children and have an affection towards them, but kissing is crossing a line.

There have been times where I have been holding a child and my natural reaction would be to kiss them on the forehead but then another natural reaction kicks in and tells me this is not my child and it is crossing a line.

No, it’s not appropriate and potentially dangerous for the child. People from different generations don’t necessarily agree so I’d be raising it as an issue of something you’re uncomfortable with but respectfully.

Working at a nursery they should really already be well trained regarding the dangers (cold sores, RSV etc) and acceptable boundaries.

Also, people advocating that you should be eager and willing to let someone outside the family kiss your baby lest their mental health take a nosedive seriously need to get a grip. Your baby will be getting plenty of love and affection at home and with family and friends, besides, they don’t need kisses to show that they’re loved, there are many ways to display affection to a child without that.

School Nurseries have always had to have a qualified teacher in charge. When I did my BEd I specialised in the 3 to 8 age range and worked in either School Nursery or Reception for 30 years. Private nurseries aren't required to have a qualified teacher, if they do I doubt if they are on the usual teacher pay scale. There used to be a strict divide between nursery education overseen by the LA Education department and child care overseen by Social Services. This became blurred in the 90s when Nursery Vouchers and, later, funded places were introduced.

As a Nursery Teacher I've never kissed a child but always gave a cuddle if it was needed. My daughter was in a Day Nursery (child care provider) and was glad that, as a baby, she was given affection and felt safe and loved.

I'm so disturbed for all these poor babies whos parents expect them to be deprived of warmth and affection. No wonder MH health issues are going through the roof.

I imagine you don't have to change your bosses nappy either.

Babies are not the same as adults developmentally. Surely you know this.

Amazing how polarised the views are. I can see why it probably isn’t a good idea for nursery staff to kiss children but I’d be grateful for them being loving and affectionate to my child. Do you wish to rock the boat and they be hands off with your child for fear that they’ve cuddled her too much?

Blimey.
When mine were at nursery they were showered with affection. I'm sure the were kissed too.
I never thought it inappropriate. And I can't bring myself to think it is now.

Is this a joke? Your baby's not at work, nursery isn't her job!

Both my DS's loved their nursery staff, one in particular.
She was brilliant at her job and small town famous for being so brilliant.
They definitely got the odd kiss on the head from her.
Personal choice of course, but I was so, so glad she was looking after them in such a warm and natural way (same as home)! They're 19 and 17 now and they still talk about her with affection.

Hardly the same as your boss kissing you in a professional setting - that's a ridiculous comparison. A good nursery recreates a home style environment, with lots of play and a bit of fun education, not a fucking corporate boardroom!

If you don't like it tell them not to with your child.

Wouldn’t bother me at all, a forehead kiss is a very gentle expression of affection and little children need affectionate physical touch from their caregivers. However, it’s your right to ask them not to kiss your child if it makes you uncomfortable.

Babies and young children love kisses and cuddles. Those of you saying that nursery staff should be “professional” and show no physical affection - are you expecting them to push toddlers away when they ask for a cuddle? What about non-mobile babies who need carrying from one place to another? How is carrying a baby securely any different to a cuddle? Would you like them to verbally announce “THIS IS NOT A CUDDLE, I AM BEING PROFESSIONAL” to the babies as they pick them up? What if a child is badly injured and in need of comfort? Should they be left lying on the ground without anyone cuddling them or holding their hand whilst they wait for an ambulance?

I have quite extensive safeguarding training, and a nursery worker cuddling a toddler or dropping a kiss on the top of their head is not remotely a concern. If someone was being cold, robotic and unaffectionate, on the other hand, this would be far more of a red flag.

Kissing a child on the temple ? Of course it's ok - what a sad society where sone people think it isn't

@BarbaraHoward ask your provider. It is more common to have someone with QTS in a publicly run setting.

From experience publicly funded nurseries were much better than private. Private are fantastic at image but staff were quite poorly paid and less experienced. I understand this isn’t everywhere but I worked in quite a few in inner London and wages and conditions were shocking in some of the private nurseries. Again, I understand this isn’t the same everywhere.

My childminders kisses and cuddles my daughter and I love that's she's being shown love and safety outside our home

I was always happy with key workers hugging my children but I would have drawn a line with kissing. I agree children need affection but there's plenty of ways to show that without kissing. It's a bit of a stretch to him from not kissing to not showing a child affection for hours.