To think it isn’t appropriate (nursery)

If I'd have had to leave my little boy in nursery for hours on end I'd want them to show affection and whether that's a kiss or a cuddle would have been irrelevant. At 17 months old a baby doesn't know that he/she is in a professional setting, they just know that these big people are not loving them!

It isn't in the real world, honestly. I don't think anyone could do that job if they didn't genuinely love spending time with young DC - it's too difficult and lord knows they're not in it for the pay.

I understand why staff may be advised not to kiss small DC, there's lots of sound reasons. But as a parent if I saw one of mine getting a peck on the forehead I'd be delighted. Banning cuddles would be horrific, but I don't think anywhere is remotely considering that, they're too important.

I suspect the current cohort of parents with nursery age children are too young to remember the horror of them coming into our awareness. I was a child myself when the worst was being exposed. The idea of children in the UK putting their arms out for a cuddle and kiss from a key worker and being told no is heartbreaking. Forming attachments to key workers and being able to be physically affectionate with them is a vital part of emotional development.

I am glad my children are older if this is the way early years childcare is going.

I have worked in preschool settings, and almost without exception, the children would climb up on our laps, put their arms around our necks, offer us hugs and kisses, and generally act like a bunch of affectionate little puppies or kittens! How can you not reciprocate? As a mother, I was always delighted to see my young children being affectionate with their teachers. I saw it as a sign that they were being cared for by normal, responsive and warm people.

A lot of babies and v young children are in childcare settings from 8 until 6 every weekday which would mean they were spending more of their waking time during the week with the nursery staff than with their parents. I really do hope that the staff in these settings are caring, kind and affectionate towards them and show interest in them - certainly hugs and cuddles if required, hand holding etc no to kisses on the lips but otherwise no problem
I can remember children running in for a hug in the morning (nursery)
I think life would feel very cold without it

You sound like our fabulous nursery workers. I'm sure the babies and their parents adore you.

Ahhh if I am cuddling a baby, I cant help but give them a little kiss on the head.

The children are often with me for 10 hours a day. I shower them with love, cuddles and kisses. I actually treat them exactly how I would treat my own baby.

it is NOT a childcarers job to be affectionate to other peoples children and I'm deeply concerned by all of the mothers on this thread who are more than happy to have their children kissed by a virtual unvetted stranger

I disagree on both counts. Firstly, it is their job to give appropriate comfort and affection to the children they care for, and that affection will sometimes be physical in nature. A fussing baby rocked to sleep, a crying child picked up and comforted, an arm round the shoulder. Secondly, no one should be working in a nursery who hasn't been comprehensively checked and vetted.

When I'm holding babies, I find it very difficult to stop myself either stroking their hair or kissing them on the head. It's mostly because I forget they're not mine! Luckily, the parents haven't minded so far although I do try not to make a habit of it 😂.

I wouldn't have a problem if a nursery worker kissed my child on the head or temple personally (lips or anywhere else no, obviously), especially if it was an infrequent event. They've probably just zoned out and forgotten not to, especially if they have children or grandchildren themselves that they're in the habit of kissing.

Let's face it, babies and small toddlers are absolutely adorable to many of us - like human squishmallows that you just want to scoop up and love and cuddle 😂. Of course we should have proper boundaries in place and be teaching them about personal autonomy and personal space and similar concepts, but I've always supposed that tiny children were designed to be cute to trigger the nurture instinct in us so that we protect them and forgive them all the trouble they cause rather than leaving them out for the wolves. So it's their own fault really 😉. Well, maybe I wouldn't go that far but I'd certainly forgive the odd, well-meaning lapse in professional behaviour from a conscientious and affectionate nursery worker. It's certainly better than the ones (of whom there are a few, unfortunately) who can't really be bothered with the children and mostly ignore them as much as they can when nobody's looking.

Yes. The Romanian orphanages came to my mind too.

Many very young babies & children are in childcare from 8am - 6pm 5 days a week, often spending more awake time with carers than parents. Do you expect them to go without affection for all this time because that is very damaging to their emotional well-being?
Suzanne Zeedyt has produced some very good work about this. Maslow's hierarchy of needs - unless emotional needs are met then any other development is impacted.
It's well documented that very young children denied normal affection from their main carers experience lifelong impact from that. Tbh you only need to read some other posts on MN to see many adults talking about how the lack of affection from parents/carers is still affecting them & longterm relationships.
I'm a childminder & I'm not ashamed to say that every single baby & child I've looked after is hugged & 'shock horror' given kisses when they are looking for affection. I'm in place of their parents for hours on end & this is part of what they would receive from them. I'm not kissing them on the lips or sticking my tongue down their throat for goodness sake!! If you can't trust your child's carers then rethink whether you should be sending them into childcare, your trust issues shouldn't be detrimental to your child.
Edited to add - yes of course all parents know their child will be show affection from me, it's part of the reason they are happy their child is safe & well looked after. They won't be left to cry for hours without comfort.

Exactly. Kids don't stop needing stuff just because they're not with us.

"I know I provide all of the care my child needs at home" at HOME yes. What about when they've fallen out with their best friend and are crying in the changing room and just need a cuddle? Half our year 5's give the TA a hug before they go home. My Squirrel at Scouts will always come in and give me a hug. It's ok for them to have bonds with someone other than you.

I think it's ok because they need affection, but at the same time feel sad it's not a family member doing it.

Imagine if you had an accident and your boss came in to help you change your pants. Or if you fell over and hurt yourself and they picked you up, carried you inside and put a plaster on your booboo and wrote a note to take home to your partner.
It's almost like it's an ENTIRELY different relationship.

And the idea that childcare workers shouldn't be affectionate in any sense is awful. My kids ADORE their nursery/ reception teachers. They aren't unvetted strangers, they're vetted staff who's job is to CARE for my child in loco parentis as well as tech them. I'd be gutted if my kid threw their arms around a teacher for a hug and she just disentangled herself and told him off for touching her

I don't see the difference between a male kiss on the template and a female one. Would it be different if op had a son? A kiss on the temple isn't sexual.

I would be happy that my child was loved and cared for by their nursery worker

children need affection

I’m glad at school if dd7 falls over /has headache etx that she can have a cuddle with her teacher /ta

and If they kissed her on the head I wouldn’t think anything strnage

lips a no

head /hair not an problem

I wouldn't have an issue with a small peck on the head at that age.

Given the amount of time infants and toddlers spend in childcare, I believe it would ultimately be more damaging for their main caregivers not to express affection towards them. Young children literally need affection and physical contact to grow and thrive, when they don't receive enough of this it causes a myriad of developmental and behavioural issues.

Provided this was being done publicly (ie in front of other staff as per the settings childcare ratios) and that there was no other concerning or inappropriate behaviour towards the child, I don't see an issue with it.

I would want my children to feel comforted and cared for by those providing care for them.

@onceuponatimelived

I’m just a mother who would NEVER allow another stranger, vetted or unvetted to touch my child through the guise of affection

The guise? If you're not a troll you are completely bonkers. Your life will not be lived well being on high alert like this all the time and your child will be emotionally damaged by your suspicion of other people.

The same virtually unvetted stranger that you're happy to leave your child with several hours a day? Doing intimate care?

Ok then 🙄

Yes affection can be shown without physical touch but babies NEED physical touch, and yes 17 month is still a baby! Some children this age will be in nursery full time 8am-6pm Monday to Friday. Are you suggesting these children are never held and cuddled? How sad for them! A quick peck on the forehead is absolutely fine and I would hope that a vetted professional who I have deemed safe and responsible for my child would give them that affection if they needed it. And they are not a stranger, they may be to you but to your child they are one of their main caregivers!

One of the reasons I picked my DCs nursery was because the staff were all very hands on with the babies and toddlers. Every time I went in they were cuddling children or had them playing on their lap. I loved that and my children enjoyed it too. If you're not happy, ask the staff not to kiss your child or choose a more hands-off nursery.

Good luck getting a 4 or 5 year old to perfectly recount their day 😆 mine can't even tell me what she had for lunch

You do realise that adding 'each to their own' to your post doesn't hide the fact you're a judgemental prick with a superiority complex?

It's a kiss on the head. Very different to kissing on the face/mouth.

@B0xes
Therefore making it inappropriate to kiss a child that is not your own?

Primary and Secondary are absolutely completely different developmental stages.
My primary School aged children still like a lot of hugs and kisses from us, but I would never be comfortable with their primary teacher kissing their forehead.

I understand it is very much a different relationship when the child is at a preschool setting as their key workers will have a handful of children they are responsible for and the bond they have is much stronger than a primary school teacher will have, but regardless of that it is still inappropriate to kiss a child that is not yours.

If this was raised in a setting then the key worker will be spoken to and if it continues there would be disciplinary action taken.

Most nurseries have a policy where their staff should not kiss the children. Regardless of peoples thought on here it has been deemed inappropriate by settings for a variety of reasons.