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AIBU?

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Original poster

Pregnant again but already have 9 month old twins - Is it possible to manage 3 under 18 months?!

142 replies

OnePintWonder · 15/01/2025 21:44

So the title says it all...

Despite using condoms, I've just found out I'm pregnant again. Based on my LMP I think I'm about 5-6 weeks.

Whilst we talked about my partner having the snip when I was pregnant with the twins, after they were born he never mentioned it again. I made a few hints about it but he never seemed to take any action and we continued to rely on condoms.

I'm really conflicted - I fully understand when people don't continue with pregnancy when they aren't ready or not in the right relationship.... but we are both nearly 40, both have good careers and absolutely adore my partner... the thought of having an abortion makes me feel uncomfortable but I'm worried about how to manage with 3 kids under 18 months.

AIBU to have an abortion purely because I don't think we/I can mange 3 kids under 18months?

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 16/01/2025 01:20

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The abortion rates after 12 weeks are tiny. There's no need to lower it.

AmusedAzureZebra · 16/01/2025 01:17

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SouthLondonMum22 · 16/01/2025 01:14

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Not really.

The vast majority of abortions happen during the first 12 weeks. Late term abortions almost always are for medical reasons, either the foetus or the woman.

No one is waking up at 23 weeks & 6 days and suddenly deciding they don't want to be pregnant any more.

AmusedAzureZebra · 16/01/2025 01:11

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Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 16/01/2025 01:10

KnittyNell · 16/01/2025 00:51

Not in my opinion.

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Great news!!! You don't have to have an abortion!!!

Isn't that wonderful???!!!

Rivett · 16/01/2025 00:58

It would be a big no from me.

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/01/2025 00:57

KnittyNell · 16/01/2025 00:51

Not in my opinion.

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That's ok, you don't have to have one if you don't want to.

KnittyNell · 16/01/2025 00:51

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/01/2025 00:28

Until 24 weeks, yes.

Thankfully.

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Not in my opinion.

crumblingschools · 16/01/2025 00:47

If partner is away a lot, will you cope with disturbed nights?

NuffSaidSam · 16/01/2025 00:46

The early years will be very hard. No question. But it gets easier relatively quickly. By the time they're all at school it'll be much easier (and cheaper in terms of childcare). I'd look long-term before making a decision, don't base it all on the early years. You'll only have three under 18 months/2/3 for a very short while.

nildesparandum · 16/01/2025 00:37

My grandmother had twins 13 months after her first child was born.After another 2 years she had a single baby.
This was around the end of WW1.She had help from relatives with child care, one twin lived with my grandmother's sister until starting school.

Ohthatsabitshit · 16/01/2025 00:35

I would do it. I had a 2 year old when my twins were born and another surprise singleton when they were 2, so 4 under 5. It was fine. They’re all grown up now but it is perfectly doable.

Rainbowqueeen · 16/01/2025 00:34

You call him your partner. Does that mean you are not married? Are you in he UK? If so you also need to carefully consider the financial implications of not being married.

My advice would be to get married if you continue the pregnancy. The drop off in employment for mums of 3 or more kids is huge. You need to protect both yourself and your DC

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/01/2025 00:28

KnittyNell · 16/01/2025 00:27

Can you just get an abortion at will these days?

Until 24 weeks, yes.

Thankfully.

KnittyNell · 16/01/2025 00:27

Can you just get an abortion at will these days?

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/01/2025 00:11

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It's her body, of course she can. She has to think about her babies who are actually here and if she'll be able to cope.

She's also 5-6 weeks, incredibly early. It isn't yet a foetus, nevermind a baby.

justasking111 · 16/01/2025 00:05

My son had twins then another baby in 20 months. My DIL decided to take a career break. They hired a local woman part time who had worked at a nursery . At the weekend they had help from another nursery worker. They also had a cleaner.

It was very hard, DIL has resumed her career, hybrid working. The children go to after school club.

You'll need a Very Big car, as well. Seven seater.

3within3 · 15/01/2025 23:59

Dillydollydingdong · 15/01/2025 21:50

Surely if you've already got 2 tiny ones, another won't make much difference? And if you've both got good careers you can afford childcare or a nanny? What about help from family? And the babies won't stay babies forever, they'll soon be beyond that baby stage. I think you've got to bite the bullet. The deed is done. And insist he gets the snip now! 😀

Speaking from experience it makes a big difference. Literally not enough pairs of hands. Toddlers running in different directions. Babies/toddlers on different nap schedules. It is really really hard.

bonus is that when they’re older they’re more likely to be interested in similar things which helps. Eg will all watch the same tv show or film at the cinema, happy to do same activities as each other unlike some families where they’re several years apart and one child wants to go to the playground but another to an older activity

AmusedAzureZebra · 15/01/2025 23:56

Also pregnant with condoms? At your age.

Miracle :)

AmusedAzureZebra · 15/01/2025 23:56

Also fuck don't hint for birth control

AmusedAzureZebra · 15/01/2025 23:56

I'm anti abortion.

Does anyone cope with children?

CorduroySituation · 15/01/2025 23:55

minipie · 15/01/2025 22:16

AIBU to have an abortion purely because I don't think we/I can mange 3 kids under 18months?

The only reason you need to have an abortion, IMO, is “I don’t want to have a baby”. That is all. Even if you can manage, if it’s not what you want, you don’t have to do it.

This!!!

sesquipedalian · 15/01/2025 23:46

OP, you will manage, because people do - I’m not saying it will be easy, but with a cleaner and other help, you’ll be fine. After twins, a singleton will be a walk in the park! When my twins were born, my others were 2, 3 and 5 - you just get on with it, and somehow, you manage. I do know the feeling of thinking you just won’t be able to cope, but you really will be able to.

Biffsboys · 15/01/2025 23:36

Childcare for 3 will be expensive but 3 teenagers will be way more so especially if they all go to university at the same time 🙈

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 15/01/2025 23:34

Keep in mind finding a nanny to take care of three kids under the age of 2 will be difficult.

You might need to hire two nannies, or at least be prepared to pay more than the going rate.

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