Pregnant again but already have 9 month old twins - Is it possible to manage 3 under 18 months?!

My only advice is that your dh says he wants the wedding to be " special ".

Everyone I know who had this situation never got married.

It was always too expensive, not the right time, needed to save up more.

I wouldn't agree to a third child unless he agrees to go next week and get married.

My mum had 3 in 15 months - my brother and us twins. She swears it was the happiest time of her life!!!!

No personal experience, but my friend had three under two. It was obviously hard beyond belief but she loved it. She had three healthy babies.

The main problem was when the kids were constantly ill and she lost her job because between her and her husband, they were hardly at work.

You need to decide this between the two of you. You'll live with this forever regardless of what you choose.

I would have thought that obvious! 🙄

So did mine. In fact she had five under five at one point. How the poor woman retained her sanity I have no idea. I couldn’t cope with three under 18 months @OnePintWonder. The solution would be a no brainer for me.

Your DP didnt mention the vasectomy after the twins arrived and you hinted at it - why didn't you feel able to have a proper conversation? He wants a bigger wedding than you, he wants his DC to go to private school, he works away a lot. You're working part-time but aren't married. You sound quite vulnerable to the goodwill of your DH. I'd have a proper think about your own security and future before adding another child to the mux.

Hmmmm - I think if I was you I’d just put my head down and go for it. I’m pro choice (I’ve had an abortion in the past when I was very young) but I’d personally struggle to have one now I’ve got children, in a stable loving relationship and financially secure.

I know someone who had 2 kids very close (a year apart) then got pregnant by accident and it was twins; 4 under 4! Obviously it was hellish at times but they are the best of friends now.

Good luck with your decision!

So what? What's your son's testicles got to do with the op?

The things is having an older child then twins will be different to having twins then a baby just as the twins start toddling. You'll be pulled in three different directions with the twins running off in opposite directions just as the baby is crying, you'll need eyes in the back of your head and 3 pairs of hands. If it was the other way round, the twins would stay where you put them and you'd only need to run after the one.

Is it doable? Of course it is. Would I want to do it? Absolutely not.

My son wasn’t so fortunate and has been left with residual pain.
All surgical procedures are risky.

I disagree. You don’t mutilate your body to express your love.
There is no need for unwanted pregnancies with the amount of contraception choices available.

Her husband raised it so why are you so against him having a vasectomy? Mine had one and drove himself home afterwards, it's a very quick and simple procedure that doesn't require a GA.

Tubal ligation has potentially more side effects, it is a more complicated procedure and requires more surgical assistance and a longer recovery time.

This isn't even a thread about that.

OP all you can do is what you think is right for you and your family. There's no easy answer so maybe consider getting some unbiased counselling.

It’ll be hard work, to say the least. Think carefully, 🤷‍♀️

Yes but love means taking one for the team so your wife doesn't have to undergo a proper operation under GA.

Don’t be stupid!
Why is it anti-women to suggest that the woman who obviously doesn’t want more children is sterilised?
Maybe her partner doesn’t want to have a vasectomy!

So, to be positive OP, it can be done, I had premature twins, which was hard work. Then not long after an unexpected third baby. Honestly, it was fine. After twins, one newborn was a breeze! So I had three under two and a half. But you have to do what’s right for you.

A friend of mine had 3 within 20 months. Not quite as close as you but not far. She survived and the kids are all great friends now. Family days out, holidays etc are geared to a particular age group so that really works well. It's a lovely dynamic now (but the pre-school years were definitely tough)

Hi
I had a 19 month gap between my first child and twins. And I survived!
The baby/toddler stage was really bloody hard work. I can remember literally sitting at the bottom of the stairs waiting for DH to get home from work and help me get them upstairs for bedtime because the challenge of getting them all upstairs seemed so great. It was pretty relentless for a while.
But... we did it, and after the first bit, there have been loads of benefits to having the kids so close in age - everyone's at about the same stage, so you just throw yourself into that bit, rather than juggling different ages, which looks quite hard to me.
The drawbacks as they have got older are partly that families of five just don't work as well logistically as families of four - hotel rooms, car sizes, family tickets and so on are all more complicated. It was hard when the kids were growing up to carve out time with them as individuals (we did it, but it was tricky).
And the finances of three kids close together can be brutal. My kids are late teens now - twins turn 17 shortly and then we'll have three learner/new drivers to insure. Not to mention potentially funding all three through university at the same time.
I don't want to make it sound all sunshine and rainbows (and I absolutely wouldn't judge you for making whatever decision you make for yourself and your family), but if do you want to do it, it can be done (and in that case, I'll try to dredge up my logistical tips from back then!).

Why don't you go and spout your vile anti women rhetoric somewhere else?

As a fellow twin mum, I would suggest you consider if you want to survive child rearing or enjoy it.

Twins are hard enough, you will only be surviving with 3 so close together. I wouldn’t think twice about an abortion personally.

Why can’t the OP be sterilised if she doesn’t want more children, MN is full of making the man have the snip.
What happened to body autonomy?

I had four thanks and at the age of sixty it won’t be happening again. 😉

I think it's a particularly difficult decision to make after you've already had children.

On the one hand you've lived through pregnancy and the experience of two lines on a pregnancy test becoming an adored child (or children in your case!) - it's very really, very deeply emotive thing to be pregnant again.

On the other hand, your weighing up the impact not only you and your partner's lives but on your existing children.

What you say about "logic" vs "gut" really stood out to me. I'm not going to say "trust your gut" but it's definitely worth thinking about the depth of that gut feeling. It would be perfectly natural to have some level of regret if you were to have a termination. But what for might one person be an occasional wistful "what might have been" might tear another person up. There's no right or wrong here, only you can know how you feel about it.

(for what it's worth, I've always been fairly confident that despite the fact our two children are adored, I loved the baby/toddler stages and we have the financial means to afford a third, if I were to get pregnant again I would terminate).