What do you practically do if your adult child wants to live at home but cannot find a job

Turbulence in keeping jobs is often a sign of ADHD.

ADHD and autism often go together too. Not always. But often. If your friend is “extremely shy” it sounds like that could be autism? Maybe? It’s often hereditary so her DD might have it too.

Have a watch of these video and see if anything rings true.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=583402184445431&id=100083269641838

do have a look at some of their other videos too by clicking on the name ADHD_Love. It’s so helpful to understand how ADHD affects your workplace chances.

Roxy, the channel owner has had multiple jobs. Life has been a real struggle for her but it’s going much better the last few years since she was diagnosed.

I don’t know exactly how much UC a single young person would get at the moment but when DS was applying for internships after university it was around £70-80 a week of which he gave me £50
He had to actively look for work for 30+ hours per week and agree to do things like unpaid work trials
If this young person needs additional help they need to apply for benefits and work with their job coach to find something suitable whether that be a job, volunteering, work experience etc

Yes, insist that the child has a job or is studying.
Make it clear that if they want to swap jobs they need a new one before they leave the first.

Also make it clear that they will contribute XX per week to household bills and they will need to still pay that if they are sacked. (So they need some savings)
Have a list of two or three local charitiesthat DC can volunteer at while they are out of work.
Make it a yearly 'board and lodging'.
Have a date each year (maybe a week after their birthday) where you will renegotiate the terms. You can always ask them to find other accommodation then.

The girl needs to be trained for something, that will give her confidence. She must have some ideas about what she could do, be interested in.

If she were my daughter I would keep her for now but help her to work out what she wants, find details of courses, etc.

It wasn’t you I was asking, I wanted to know if she could have possibly already spent her time doing a short course or something and if she could build from that if it was something she was interested in it

This is not the case everywhere. My DS applied at 4 supermarkets, only 1 got in touch and he still didn't get a job there.

Give her a list of chores to be done 5 days a week until she finds a job. Do not give her money, food and toiletries only.

Do they have social prescribers in your friends area? They are a service in my city - they can help with various different things (you get referred via GP, or go to a walk in appointment).

This might be a service that could help your friends daughter explore routes to take next.

It is imperative she works as she is likely to lose her confidence and start to endure mental health problems etc. It’s imperative she applies herself now and doesn’t give up.

Do you think that getting a job in a supermarket is easy and you can just apply and get a role?

This is a fair point and concern though. Support for ND is sorely lacking, but it's a post code lottery really.

I'd find her a job. Or send her to her fathers to find a job. Its not difficult

If she isn’t disabled or have severe special needs I would be expecting her to take on any job. With a view to taking extra qualifications and training as well. There is no way I would be comfortable with UC or anything else.

IMO adult kids are welcome to live at home so long as they a) contribute their part of the bills and b) do their portion of the household chores. Hopefully not having a job and the money that goes with it will get boring before long. She will need to be looking for jobs while on benefits anyway.

I would look into WHY she doesn't seem to want a job. You say she's okay, but surely she can't be? I mean, okay, who DOES want to have to work for a living? But it's just a fact of life, isn't it?

I would introduce them to this thing called the internet where there are multiple places to find a job of some form.

You can’t just “walk into a job” at Tesco, or any other supermarket. There is a proper, and quite competitive application process.

I wound try every option but after that I'd be telling them they need to claim UC including housing element and charging them rent after all if they lived away from home they'd need to be paying rent.

Once someone reaches 18 they are an adult and need to stand on their own 2 feet. Given CofL parents should not be expected to subsidise kids, I agree neither should the tax payer but that's between the young adult and the state. Having to navigate Auckland and all of this would almost certainly focus them.

Give copious amount of uninformed advice, to an ASD young person. When they start to provide a service to specifically support ND young people into work, we may engage.

No problem then, tell her we are all really happy to support her as a non productive member of society while she is makes herself unemployable.

She could walk into any of the supermarkets and get some shifts.
My local Tesco is full of Student and 20 somethings on the Tills or around the store, especially at the weekend.

It doesn't need to be full time to start, but she does need to be out there working some hours.
It's a downward slope otherwise.

That's not quite what happens contrary to popular belief. People claiming UC have to evidence they are spending 35 hrs per week looking and applying for work or they get sanctioned! Or need a Dr's certificate. Neither are handed out like toffee.

Force her into taking on an absolute minimum of £28,600 of debt with no clear financial benefit?

If she can't keep hold of the kind of entry-level jobs that typically employ young people with no specific skills or qualifications what makes it more likely she would stay employed after a degree?

I wouldn't encourage them to apply for UC until there was no other stone unturned. 'Settling ' for UC at 20 is very likely to lead to this young woman never getting a job. Why would she try, when she's getting money without getting out of bed?

Further than that, we really can't advise without knowing what has caused her to be sacked from the jobs she's had so far, what qualifications she has, and what options there are where she is.