I would appreciate some advice on how to handle this situation. My DP and I were discussing where to go on holiday this summer. We had mentioned some places but not really made any decisions yet. Yesterday evening, he told me he'd booked somewhere for a week in June. I was surprised that he'd gone ahead and booked something without discussing it with me, especially as the dates he booked included my mum's birthday when I was planning on booking her a weekend away to celebrate. I couldn't be with her last year for work reasons. I told him this and he just said 'oh, I forgot, maybe you can celebrate another day.'
Also, his parents will be there. Every year, they go away for a month to a mountainous resort in Europe. He's booked us in at the same resort because apparently 'they know the person who owns all the chalets'. After some discussion, it seems that all this was sorted between them on WhatsApp without involving me, and that his parents are paying for it. We just have to pay for flights.
I'm not very happy about it. I wish he had asked me first before going ahead with it. I like his parents and I don't mind seeing them now and then to have dinner together but I don't want to spend a week on holiday with them. I find his mum tricky to deal with, as she is judgemental about people's eating habits and weight and we had a rough time last summer because she kept commenting that I'd gained weight, which upset me. I'm a size 10/12 so not big. She's also controlling and you have to be very firm with her - not exactly a recipe for a relaxing holiday. They are from a different country and speak no English so I have to communicate with them through DP. I am learning their language but my ability is limited.
To be honest, I limit the time I spend with her as I am always self-conscious that she's judging my figure. For example, last time we saw her for dinner around Christmas, she commented that I didn't eat enough vegetables. I also feel uncomfortable that they are paying for us. I prefer to pay my own way and when someone pays, there is an unspoken expectation that you do what they want during the trip.
I told DP that it was a nice idea but I wish he'd asked me. He got defensive and seemed annoyed. He brought up the fact that his parents were paying and not a lot of people gift holidays for free. He made me feel ungrateful but I don't mean to be. I think it's kind of them to pay for us but I'd rather pay for myself and have a choice of what to do. He then started saying 'if you don't want to come that's fine, in fact we'll cancel. You don't want to go so it's pointless.' In the end I gave up discussing it and went to bed. I don't think he will cancel as he seems to want to go. I could suggest he goes alone but that will cause an argument.
Neither of us have mentioned it since. I am unsure now about what to do. If I say I'm not going, then it could cause conflict between me, him and his parents. If I go along with it, I miss my mum's birthday and I would probably be quite anxious while there. We both work a lot and don't get much time for holidays so I'm upset he's arranged this. AIBU to think he should have asked me first?