Financial abuse?

Sorry ... just read earlier explanation.i would have gone back ... you made it too easy for her.

Why are you not returning to the employment you left to go on maternity leave?

U have my sympathy having to deal with him. He doesn't seem to get how maintenance works or what it is for. It's as though he feels he is paying for ur lifestyle or something. He shld be more concerned about his child and grow up.

So he gave up his well paid job to avoid u getting maintenance through cms. Sounds like £1,350 wld be drop on the ocean to him, that's pretty sad. Cut his nose to spite his face 🙄

@Clmt Please get this hidden op, didn't blot or all info

Personally, I'd stop engaging with him about anything other than his child. Your messages are too long and too anger. You need to take all the emotion out of them. He is loving how upset/ angry he is making you. It gives him joy and power. Have you considered a coparenting communication app?

You can't force him to work or to see his child. The court could award him set days but that doesn't mean he needs to use them or be reliable. He's a wanker. Unfortunately, he doesn't have his child's best interests at heart.

On the plus side, I imagine that he's used to living a certain lifestyle and £75k won't keep him going for long. He'll have to get a job eventually unless he set up his own business and then you'll really he fucked.

Is he in a relationship with her atm? or anyone?

It says right there in the OP:

He has been on a 'career break' for 7 months, since I filed for CMS (our son is 8 months old)

It doesn't look like you can afford not to go back to work OP.

You simply cannot force him to have regular contact with your bairn. You can't. You need to take a breath, let him wash over you and hopefully you'll both settle down in time for the bairns sake.

When he was working, CMS awarded me £1350 per month

but you say you both left at the same time is presumably when you left to have your baby

and you’ve not been to CMS before i thought

Do you have anyone else like family who can babysit? Spending your time with your child IS moving on and having a life. Relying on him for money and breaks isn’t moving on, it’s setting yourself up for failure. He isn’t going to be a great or reliable dad so you need to change your mindset and see anything he does as a bonus for your child. Don’t let him no you are so bothered all the time, if he says he’s not having the baby just say ‘oh that’s a shame, DS would have enjoyed it, see you next time’ and rant about it to someone else. He will soon her bored of winding you up if that’s what he’s doing.

Ah ok. That does sound abusive. Definitely show the courts that evidence. Good luck.

but now you are unemployed
with a baby
and no job on the horizon

and you’re looking for work?

So how are you going to manage rent, bills, life?

It seemed like he was just saying that if he gave you money to bring your son to him and you didn’t bring him then what was the point of paying. It sounds like he’d be happy to see him every week and pay you £500 per month for that if you would actually bring him. That’s going off those specific messages.

I’m pretty sure CM is only about £400 per month even if he’s working so I don’t see why you think you’d get more than that. It is generous to give you £500 when he isn’t even working. It sounds like what you want is a share of his assets and/or spousal maintenance. You won’t get anything like that if you weren’t married. CM is a pittance. £500 is actually pretty good going.

The courts would expect you to get a job. HR is pretty family friendly. I appreciate that you can’t go back to the old company but what’s stopping you from getting a different job?

You need to completely grey rock him. No emotion, no showing frustration, don’t rise to him baiting you.

Stop all the back and forth arguing messages.

If he messages you about something irrelevant, just ignore it.

Only message him about contact. Short and factual messages. Never show you are upset or annoyed - that’s exactly what he wants, he is enjoying the power over you, enjoying winding you up. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

If you show you are desperate for a break and desperately want him to take the child for the weekend, he gets power over you by refusing that. If he cancels contact say “no problem, I miss him so much when he’s away, will be nice for me to have some extra time with him this weekend.”

Don’t discuss money again, just go through CMS. He will have to return to work soon I’m guessing. He likes the power he feels by withholding money from you, knowing that you are struggling.

Yes he’s a twat. We all agree with that. But you aren’t currently helping yourself. Play smart.

There are 2 separate issues here - contact and finances.

Then there is a dickhead ex who is going to make life as difficult as possible for you. That is not going to change. My expectation would be that in one years time he will never see your son, based on his current behaviour.

All you can do is manage your own life. Budget as if you do not receive any money from him. You cant rely on him.

With contact, you are correct that it is best for your son if you have a clear consistent schedule. Tell him that. Frame every message you send as if it will be read in court one day. Stick to facts, do not rise to his bait, centre your child first in everything. So "it is best for LO to have consistent regular contact with you. I propose x y z until he is age 1. Then i propose abc. Can you confirm if you agree. "

Once you have an agreed schedule, do not deviate. If he does not turn up then your son is not available until the next scheduled contact.

The suggestion to use a parenting app is a good one. Then messages cannot be deleted.

Just remember this man is always going to be a deadbeat and a dickhead. He is not your priority. Your son is. Ignore the dickhead as much as possible and accept that he will do the bare minimum. Yes its not fair. But focus on achieving peace for yourself and the best life you can for you and LO.