I don’t want ex partner around my kids

He has boundries now he's in a relationship.

You can still take the kids on holiday and days out on public transport though. Nothing stopping you.

Yet you think she should mind your kids for her when you need her too do basically your happy for them to be around her only when it suits you?

I’m sorry OP but you come across as being very emotionally immature. I completely understand how it feels like she’s encroaching on your life, but when you are co-parenting with someone you have to accept that other person is very much a part of their life as well. Giving advice to your children such as she has, shows she cares about them, I don’t see a harm in that? It seems there’s a lot of animosity towards her and this may well be with good reason. If she’s making nasty comments about you personally then that’s for your ex partner to deal with. If she chooses not to look after them, then whatever her reason, you have to accept that because at the end of the day, they are your and their dads responsibility. Take the issues up with him if you feel it necessary?

as for the chicken pox, why would you not want them to stay out given they were ill? You sound very bitter. Don’t let it get a grip on your life because it’ll start seeping in to your own time with your children if you’re not careful. Make your own family time/holidays etc. You can’t control how someone else behaves.

How can she look after the kids if she can't be around them due to being so terrible? Video link? Telepathy?

You, like other single parents, can take the kids away by yourself, you don't need your ex there, same with days out.

They are a family now, whether you like it or not.

The thrush thing is good advice.

They aren’t ’your’ children more than they are their father’s, and he doesn’t need your permission to talk to them about things you don’t want them to know, or to allow his partner to.

Why would you expect her to provide childcare for you? That isn’t something a stepparent has to offer at all. It’s also hardly surprising that she isn’t comfortable at the thought of her partner going on holiday with his ex.

I don't think OP means Uni graduation...
X posted

Why can’t you take your children on holiday or have a day out with them? She is their step mum as she is the mother of their sibling.

I can see why she has refused to look after your children (by the sounds of it you don’t want her to anyway), but I can’t believe you wouldn’t want to look after your own children whilst they had chicken pox!!

If she's so terrible why do you want her to.have your kids when you need her too ?
It sounds like you want it all on your terms.

Is your break up recent and did it involve her? You do sound exceptionally upset about a very normal arrangement. I'm assuming you mean a graduation from nursery or something rather than uni since most of what you've written seems to be about younger kids.

The role step parents play is a v tricky one but unless they are massively over-stepping, the don't take anything easy from the parents. Also, you can't have it both ways..if you don't want her near your kids she can't help you out with childcare.

Honestly, you’re being unreasonable.

This woman is under no obligation to mind your children by herself. I don’t think many partners would be happy with their partner going on holiday with their ex and children. You do holidays with your children and separately, your ex brings them in holidays. And knowing this woman is pregnant, you should have kept your children with you when they had chicken-pox.

I don’t think you can dictate to your ex where he can see his children. And I think she was right with regards to explaining to your DD not to out soap inside herself.

Your children are also your ex’s children. You do your own fun things with them.

OP you are writing like a 12 year old yet you have graduation age kids?
Why is she taking things from you? Surely you do days out and holidays on your time? You sound very jealous.

Honestly OP you need to take a deep breath and realise this is not something you can 'win'. There's a lot of jealousy in what you've written - of course he can see his kids, and if he wants them to see/spend time with his partner there's nothing you can do to stop it unless there's abuse, which doesn't seem to be the case.

Yes it sucks! But ultimately your children will be the ones to suffer if you keep letting the jealousy eat away at you. It sounds like your kids have a lovely relationship with her - be happy for them and organise your own family trips and holidays to spend time together. You don't need him involved to have fun, you can plan things for yourself and the kids.

How has she taken family days out and holidays from you?

Surely you can arrange those things with your children yourself and do them? Your ex being in a new relationship doesn't change that unless you were expecting to do those things with your ex even though you're separated?

The thrush thing wouldn't bother me massively.

I think it sounds as though you're struggling that he's moved on rather than this girl actually being the problem herself.

You expect your ex to go on holiday with you?

you may not like her but she is his partner so she is in their lives. I am generally all for not changing visits when a child is ill but I think with pregnancy and chicken pox being known risks keeping them if possible would have been nice especially if she has never had it.

I think if your kids are graduating age you'll have very little say in whether they spend time with her. You sound jealous you need to rebuild your own life and forget about them, they're not doing anything abusive or harmful to the kids. Chicken pox are really dangerous in pregnancy if you refused out of spite then that's not cool. You need to let go of all this.