Therapist won’t let me cancel!

Hi OP, I worked as a therapist before. This is unprofessional behaviour and I would 100% raise your concerns with whatever professional body she is registered under. Therapy can end for what ever reason- and this can be explored in the session however, you should not be harassed.

Do, If she responds to your cancellation e-mail trying to pull you back in

Just to add to all the above OP, I am a psychologist.. CBT therapy should not be taking 2 years unless you’ve both had in depth conversations about why the continuation or moved towards a different model. CBT is usually recommended for 12-17 sessions, not as a longer term psychotherapy. It is quite possible that you moved to a different way of working but if you are still doing ‘cbt’ it is time to talk about that with your therapist before continuing.

Another vote her for you owe her absolutely nothing. Not a second more of your energy or time, and not a penny of your money.

You've been paying her for a service, you've decided it's unsatisfactory, and in addition you can't afford it, and that is where it ends.

The fact that she's been helping you with your boundaries and then ridden roughshod all over them is laughable, and tells you everything you need to know about her. What an absolute LOON.

All you need to do is text her and say, I won't be attending my appointment on Tuesday Clare, and this will be the end of our ongoing arrangement. I do not wish to discuss futher. Thanks.

If she harrasses you tell her you'll report her to the the police if she doesn't get a grip of herself, and I'd be reporting her to the BACP anyway due to her behaviour thus far.

Oh my, that's very unprofessional. You should absolutely cease contact with her! I'm sure most therapists are excellent but I know one therapist who is the most mentally unstable person I've ever met. I even wondered if she's your therapist. It actually scares me that she's working with vulnerable people.

@Moocow1995
I really hope these posts help you find your voice!

Good luck

You don't need to make excuses or give her reasons. Keep it simple. Send an email saying 'Please cancel all future appointments. Thank you'. Then ignore any responses, don't engage, get a new therapist and forget about her. Block her if you need to. No one can physically force you to go back.

I voted YABU because you are letting someone who you are paying a service for bully you. Course she doesn't want you to cancel, you are giving her money.
Cancel any further sessions and block/ignore

Sorry @Moocow1995 I missed where you said she is BACP registered. She is likely a counsellor and not CBT trained and supervised which she should be clear about. It doesn't sound like you've been receiving CBT.

I think you should complain to the BACP as they and every ethical counsellor who is registered with the BACP would want this kind of behaviour tackled. The BACP has a clear procedure for complaints on their website.

James Acaster is that you ?
https://youtube.com/shorts/_99vi-S2UgY?si=ybMRETN_2yFWEcBY

Also, the fact that you consider blocking her is such a red flag. It should not be neccessary with a decent therapist.

Ever again it is. It's such a shame that you could not have a therapeutic experience free from judgement. You should feel totally safe in this relationship when you bring stuff up like the bi-weekly sessions. She could have course have said she does weekly sessions only and you would have had the option to leave or continue, but what she does it not ethical. Do not waste anymore energy on debating on whether or not you are unreasonable. You are not. There are better therapists out there.

£75 a session, for 2 years!!

Op. Just cancel and block. They are clearly ineffective if they haven't helped you develop basic strategies to assert yourself.

Maybe try the gym or yoga? I know you are now pregnant but some gentle physical activity may well do wonders for your mental wellbeing where this person doesn't seem to have helped at all.

She now spends almost my entire session moaning about me having dropped down to fortnightly. I am finding very little value in this now

If you went to a nail tech, and they spent most of the appointment moaning that you needed to come more often and only painted half your nails as a result, you'd never go back.

Your mental health is more important than your nails.

In the bin with them.

You really should report her too.

(and get a refund on all those wasted sessions!)

I voted YABU because you should have just stopped the sessions when she started acting like this. Why on earth are you still paying for these sessions, when she is causing you more stress and wasting both your time and money, trying to get you to continue these sessions? You say you are under no contractual agreement, so just tell her that you won’t be back, you will be putting a complaint in to her professional body and just block her. End. Of.

What can she be saying that takes half a session every session? She must sound like a broken record. Surely that’s enough reason to want to cancel without having to explain yourself!

CBT isn't supposed to be long term, IDK exactly how long you've been seeing her but 5 - 20 sessions is about right. It's also not suitable for complex PTSD, which you might have.

If you feel strong enough, consider reporting her to Citizens Advice as well as her professional body if she has one.

@SchrodingersTwat2 the CBT professional body is the BABCP.

The frustrating thing about this situation is that if she is unethical and poor at her job she is more than likely not accredited by any professional body of any substance. Of course, being an accredited member of a decent professional body like BABCP or BACP (counsellors psychotherapists) is no watertight guarantee but in the case of the BABCP (as that's the one I know) accreditation by them indicates a core profession or further training, a post grad qualification and CBT specific clinical supervision and ongoing CBT and related training, with the need to reaccredit each year and practice audit. If @Moocow1995's therapist was an accredited member and Moocow complained then this therapist could well be prevented from reaccrediting based on what MooCow has said.

However, if the therapist has done a weekend certificate and set herself up with none of the above and what often comes with this: no insurance, no safeguarding or risk training, no GDPR compliance, no supervision etc then there is nowhere to take a complaint. It's very unfair on people who may be very vulnerable and it's very frustrating for therapists and counsellors who try hard to work ethically and wish it was harder to claim expertise in this area for the sake of people looking for support. How are the general public supposed to know who to trust?

Does she claim to have an accrediting professional body @Moocow1995? Not just as a member but with specific accreditation/registration?

Five pages later can’t be bothered to read - sorry - fuck her off and get someone else.

It does sound like you may need to do some work around boundaries and assertiveness- there’s plenty that can be done online for free and some in person from various charities depending on where you are based.

the therapist you are currently working with is clearly not effective as after 2 years and being fully aware of your history she is not able or willing to respect your boundaries. She has acted unethically and you should report this

send a email giving her notice that you will no longer be requiring her services. If she contacts you in regards to payment for sessions that you don’t attend state that you have no contract with her

also do not engage in messages or calls with her.

She sounds very unprofessional and I would suggest reporting her as she is manipulating potentially vulnerable people. I’ve had 3 thesrpists each for about 9 months. The first explained in first session that it’s unusual to work with someone for more than a year and that she’d expect a natural end to develop. She said that she felt if I still needed therapy beyond about a year it would probably be time to move to a different therapist. My 2nd therapist agreed with that. With all three therapists I said I’d stopped feeling like I was getting as much out of them and they were all absolutely fine, in fact I’d say they felt pleased and like this validated the work we’d been doing. Your therapist response sounds more focused on her own interests

Just tell her you won't be attending anymore, stop engaging with her and block. This is the problem with a lot of so called therapists, they are crooks at best, cons at worst. I have unfortunately come across quite a few in my time. The worst was extremely manipulative and revelled in my misery. I still feel angry about it.

She wants you to continue because she's earning money out of you. But as already has been said, you are the customer and you decide whether or not you want to pay for her services. It is not her decision to make, it's yours.