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Original poster

Therapist won’t let me cancel!

262 replies

Moocow1995 · 15/01/2025 12:26

Hi all

Bit of a strange one really. I have been going to talking therapy / CBT with a therapist for the last couple of years. It’s expensive- £75 per session.

I have had some very good sessions with her but some others where I have come away feeling that the advice wasn’t totally sound but that’s neither here nor there really. I started therapy due to a particularly difficult break up and having escaped an abusive boyfriend in 2019 and I do feel that I am in the most part ‘recovered’ from the damage caused by that situation and so the therapy is more of a nice to have than a complete essential now.

A couple of months ago, I explained to her that due to changes in my financial situation I would like to cut down to fortnightly sessions. This was met with a lot of disagreement and often half of my 50 minute session would be taken up with her telling me I would really benefit from weekly sessions. This was frustrating as I was paying more than I could afford for appointments in which I was making no progress and coming away feeling stressed. Nonetheless she eventually relented and I dropped down to fortnightly sessions.

She now spends almost my entire session moaning about me having dropped down to fortnightly. I am finding very little value in this now and am also expecting my first baby so have said I will be cancelling completely at the end of May.

She has taken this really badly and I feel like I am spending the whole session defending this decision and my financial situation to her. She has even suggested that I ask my partner or parents to continue paying.

It is probably worth mentioning that I am under no contractual agreement in this situation.

So, would I be unreasonable to just send an email to say ‘I will be ceasing all therapy sessions as of X date’ and refuse to engage any further? Previously she inundated me with calls and messages when I tried this approach when dropping down to fortnightly sessions.

If I ABU to take this approach, how would you get out of it?

It is causing me quite a lot of stress and financial pressure at a time I could do without it.

Thank you for taking the time to read if you got this far.

OP posts:
readingismycardio · 16/01/2025 04:59

Just for a different perspective - I had therapy weekly, then fortnightly and now once a month. My therapist supported and encouraged me through all this! Block & report.

Balloonhearts · 15/01/2025 23:15

This is crazy. Isn't stopping therapy kind of what you're working towards? I'd just refuse to engage. She clearly wants the money.

AnotherDayAnotherIdea · 15/01/2025 23:13

Wait a minute, so you had a bad break up from an abusive partner? And now the therapist who helped you through that is causing you to have a bad break up from an abusive therapist?

Very weird. I wish you strength in dealing with saying goodbye to her!

ThinWomansBrain · 15/01/2025 23:07

YouOKHun · 15/01/2025 13:04

@Moocow1995 I'm a CBT therapist. A properly trained CBT therapist should be accredited by the BABCP and they have a complaints procedure. Unfortunately there are a lot of people calling themselves CBT therapists who are not properly trained and supervised. Generally speaking CBT is not a long-term therapy and there should be a clear case for it decided between the client and the therapist. Central to CBT is that it is open and collaborative. It is not ethical to prolong therapy if it's not in the client's best interests. You absolutely can (and you should) decide what you want to do and tell her. If you want to find another CBT therapist then make sure they are BABCP accredited.

Thanks for that - I was really surprised when I started reading the thread because I'd understood CBT to be a short term therapy - OP seems to have been going forever

VictoriaMum323 · 15/01/2025 23:05

Do not report her - that’s really harsh. Maybe she hasn’t dealt with it well but she will get the message loud and clear when you stop going completely that she didn’t act appropriately. Why damage someone’s career?

ThatRareUmberJoker · 15/01/2025 23:00

januaryblues83 · 15/01/2025 19:53

My partner had therapy years ago before he met me it was with a sex therapist. He felt at the time he was a sex addict. The last session he had with her he shagged her. I wonder what he accomplished at the end of his therapy and whether he felt he could move on.

@ThatRareUmberJoker OMG...when exactly did you find this out?!

I wasn't with him when it happened. It is a shocking story.

calmandcollected101 · 15/01/2025 22:56

I'm a therapist

This is wrong, sort of bullying behaviour and unethical
She is projecting onto you

Just block her, she can't do anything

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/01/2025 22:33

It was from my post. It seems that the OP and her therapist have moved from CBT to some form of open-ended therapy. I was suggesting ideas on how to approach the ending of such therapy.

There are lots of different types of open ended therapy, and they don’t need a protracted ending process. While psychodynamic theory might point to a number of sessions to process the work and ending, if a client is clearly saying they are done it’s unethical to try and compel them to continue. Any contracting should work in the clients favour, so if I was stopping work as a therapist the onus is on me to offer an appropriately planned ending, there is no such obligation on the client.

I’d also be interested in whether the therapist explicitly explained the shift away from CBT and gained informed consent, or whether the work just drifted into something longer term. In any case if the client tells you they want to end, the therapy ends.

NameChanges123 · 15/01/2025 21:52

OrangeSlices998 · 15/01/2025 12:29

Block, stop attending, report her to her authority body. She can make a recommended treatment plan but to hound you and waste your sessions is unprofessional

^This!

She needs to be reported.

Mountainpika · 15/01/2025 21:48

A couple of years ago I went for sessions with a solution focused hypnotherapist. After a number of sessions, which were brilliant, he said he thought I'd be OK, but I could always go back to him if I needed to. And I have a few times. He has never put pressure on me to have sessions. On the contrary, if I contact him about something, he might remind me (we email) of things we've talked about before so I don't need to see him in person at that particular time. And that's surely how it should be.

stichguru · 15/01/2025 21:35

Presuming that you have no sessions you pay in advance for and actually no contract as you say, I think a message saying thanks and bye and that you won't be attending any sessions going forward, would be highly appropriate!

aster10 · 15/01/2025 21:31

2025willbemytime · 15/01/2025 20:51

"The rule of thumb is a month per year of therapy. But in her initial letter or initial discussions she would tell you what the formal notice period is like, for example 4 weeks."

What is this related to?

It was from my post. It seems that the OP and her therapist have moved from CBT to some form of open-ended therapy. I was suggesting ideas on how to approach the ending of such therapy.

BellissimoGecko · 15/01/2025 21:26

Bloody hell, she is unprofessional AF.

Report her to BACP.

Cancel her immediately then block on all SM. And I'd leave honest reviews of her too.

nervousnellylikesjaffacakes · 15/01/2025 21:22

That is awful and incredibly unprofessional. If therapy is working then they should start to phase down sessions at your choosing and to be happy about it - that they are succeeding with their role. I've had a therapist say they are available for more sessions if ever needed, and that is it. Never pushing or asking for more. Cancel ASAP. I'm sorry this has been your experience.

FedUp2025 · 15/01/2025 21:13

This woman sounds like a nutberg and your being scammed. Just stop communicating with her and block her ass . She's been praying on your vulnerability

zerogrey · 15/01/2025 21:08

The more I read this, the wider my eyes got.

She's gone all Single White Female

In all seriousness, that is really fucking batshit and don't go near her again.

MumonabikeE5 · 15/01/2025 21:05

Why wait til May?
cancel appointment in writing on the day after your next appointment and don’t pay for any more.

surely you don’t have a 5 month cancellation policy?

lifebyfaith · 15/01/2025 21:03

DowntonNabby · 15/01/2025 12:33

I would cancel with immediate effect and make it clear in the email that you have found her approach towards you wanting to end your sessions both stressful and unprofessional and that you do not want any further contact now. If she ignores that and harasses you further, send one more short message saying if she persists in contacting you, you’ll be forced to report her to her professional body.

She is totally in the wrong here, so don’t let her wear you down.

This.

She is trying to control you. Awful behaviour from anyone, but especially from a therapist.

2025willbemytime · 15/01/2025 20:51

"The rule of thumb is a month per year of therapy. But in her initial letter or initial discussions she would tell you what the formal notice period is like, for example 4 weeks."

What is this related to?

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/01/2025 20:28

The rule of thumb is a month per year of therapy. But in her initial letter or initial discussions she would tell you what the formal notice period is like, for example 4 weeks.

The OP was seeing someone for CBT, and while it can be useful to have time to process the ending, if the client wants to stop there’s literally nothing to stop them doing that regardless of any notice period the therapist would like. It’s wrong to keep someone in therapy when they want to leave.

canyouletthedogoutplease · 15/01/2025 19:58

@aster10

Rapport? I think we can see from OPs posts that rapport flew out of the window quite some time ago...

PeppyGreenFinch · 15/01/2025 19:55

everythingcrossed · 15/01/2025 17:12

We had a similar experience with my DC's therapist - she would not let us stop their therapy even when it seemed to have reached a plateau. She kept saying that our DC was in a far worse state than we could possibly envisage (because, according to the therapist, they were hiding it from us) and she had reached a crucial stage in their recovery. It was really hard to get rid of her, partly because we were so worried that we would be jeopardising our DC's mental health. It dragged on for at least 18 months after we had initially tried to cancel Sad

18 months! she should be reported!

januaryblues83 · 15/01/2025 19:53

My partner had therapy years ago before he met me it was with a sex therapist. He felt at the time he was a sex addict. The last session he had with her he shagged her. I wonder what he accomplished at the end of his therapy and whether he felt he could move on.

@ThatRareUmberJoker OMG...when exactly did you find this out?!

januaryblues83 · 15/01/2025 19:49

Are you a therapist by any chance?

@Greyish2025
No. But I have had lots of therapy.

LegoBingo · 15/01/2025 17:44

Frostynoman · 15/01/2025 12:28

She sounds exceedingly unprofessional. Perhaps talk to the professional body that she belongs to

This

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