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Original poster

Therapist won’t let me cancel!

262 replies

Moocow1995 · 15/01/2025 12:26

Hi all

Bit of a strange one really. I have been going to talking therapy / CBT with a therapist for the last couple of years. It’s expensive- £75 per session.

I have had some very good sessions with her but some others where I have come away feeling that the advice wasn’t totally sound but that’s neither here nor there really. I started therapy due to a particularly difficult break up and having escaped an abusive boyfriend in 2019 and I do feel that I am in the most part ‘recovered’ from the damage caused by that situation and so the therapy is more of a nice to have than a complete essential now.

A couple of months ago, I explained to her that due to changes in my financial situation I would like to cut down to fortnightly sessions. This was met with a lot of disagreement and often half of my 50 minute session would be taken up with her telling me I would really benefit from weekly sessions. This was frustrating as I was paying more than I could afford for appointments in which I was making no progress and coming away feeling stressed. Nonetheless she eventually relented and I dropped down to fortnightly sessions.

She now spends almost my entire session moaning about me having dropped down to fortnightly. I am finding very little value in this now and am also expecting my first baby so have said I will be cancelling completely at the end of May.

She has taken this really badly and I feel like I am spending the whole session defending this decision and my financial situation to her. She has even suggested that I ask my partner or parents to continue paying.

It is probably worth mentioning that I am under no contractual agreement in this situation.

So, would I be unreasonable to just send an email to say ‘I will be ceasing all therapy sessions as of X date’ and refuse to engage any further? Previously she inundated me with calls and messages when I tried this approach when dropping down to fortnightly sessions.

If I ABU to take this approach, how would you get out of it?

It is causing me quite a lot of stress and financial pressure at a time I could do without it.

Thank you for taking the time to read if you got this far.

OP posts:
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Bourneo · 24/01/2025 19:00

What am absolute vulture! Cancel all appointments and never go back. Block on all platforms.

thescandalwascontained · 22/01/2025 17:05

Findinganewme · 19/01/2025 15:46

Your therapist needs a therapist for herself, it appears. Walk away after a polite and clear email, thanking her for her valuable services.

Not uncommon, sadly. Many people choose careers in therapy and counselling because they have their own issues.

T1Dmama · 22/01/2025 11:58

Dear Therapist
I am emailing you to inform you that I will be cancelling our sessions with immediate effect, including the one booked on (insert date).
yours sincerely
@Moocow1995

As she should have told you, you do not need to thank someone for a paid service, you do not need to give an explanation, you owe them literally nothing except enough notice to offer the appointment to someone else… I would say minimum of 48 hours notice is adequate but a week would be polite… Then if she texts you/calls you I would ignore…. If it verges on harassment and or pressure/ abuse to attend I would be tempted to report your concerns to whoever her boss/regulator is

T1Dmama · 22/01/2025 11:46

Oh my god @Moocow1995 I would be emailing her and cancelling any further sessions with immediate effect!
her behaviour is harassment and isn’t helping you at all… it sounds like you’re paying to be be abused !
I would suggest registering on a free freedom program or buying the book online, I’m currently supporting a friend through this program and it’s helped her after two sessions!!
also you can do CBT online or buy books and do this yourself at home!
I would have stopped all sessions after she hounded you with calls and spent half a session discussing it… the fact you feel unable to shut her down suggests you’re still in need of therapy but definitely not with her! Ask your GP or midwife if they can refer you to a freedom program or for free CBT!!

DiduAye · 20/01/2025 19:29

I'd have stopped going AND reported her by now

FckTheSchGateHuns · 20/01/2025 05:16

Not only would I cancel, but I'd report her to whichever professional body she is associated with.
This absolutely bulldozes any concept of a therapy agreement/contract, and is increadibly unethical.
And that's without touching on fact CBT is supposed to operate within time specified goals and objectives.

bloodyhellthishurta · 19/01/2025 22:35

Just email her saying that you won't be coming back.

End of!!!!

Findinganewme · 19/01/2025 15:46

Your therapist needs a therapist for herself, it appears. Walk away after a polite and clear email, thanking her for her valuable services.

Jumpingoffthefence · 19/01/2025 15:12

The “advice” is also a red flag. This is not usual in professional therapy. Block, delete and see where you at in a few months. Your needs shift and change in response to therapy so always review how it’s going with individual therapists.

SnappyPoet · 19/01/2025 13:42

DowntonNabby · 15/01/2025 12:33

I would cancel with immediate effect and make it clear in the email that you have found her approach towards you wanting to end your sessions both stressful and unprofessional and that you do not want any further contact now. If she ignores that and harasses you further, send one more short message saying if she persists in contacting you, you’ll be forced to report her to her professional body.

She is totally in the wrong here, so don’t let her wear you down.

This is what I would do.

thescandalwascontained · 19/01/2025 11:28

She's being very unprofessional and focused on her income rather than your needs and well being. I would write up what you've written here and send a formal letter of complaint to her oversight accrediting board.

SharpOpalNewt · 19/01/2025 11:13

Tell her to get stuffed and report her to her professional body.

You are not obliged to provide her with work.

FlyingFox · 19/01/2025 11:09

As others have said just cancel and don't go back if you have cancelled in the required time frame for the next session, i.e. 48 hours or whatever she asks for. Also yes I would report her unprofessional attitude, she's meant to be helping not causing you stress!

SouthernBelle2 · 19/01/2025 10:58

Just stop going. Block her number, block from social media if applicable and just move on. She has been very unprofessional and charging you £15 for every 10 minutes of ranting about your sessions is theft. Block and report.

Andsoitbeganagain · 19/01/2025 10:50

Cancel her and block her. If you need to pick back up with a therapist in the future, find a better one. They are not all good. I had a friend who went to one for months after a bereavement and came away a shell of themseleves due to constantly being made to relive traumatising events. I'm sure there are good ones out there but if it doesn't work for ou, move on. It's no different to any other service.

Thirstysue · 19/01/2025 10:30

Wow. Firstly, as a CBT therapist, there is a strong belief, backed with evidence, that fortnightly sessions can have more of a therapeutic benefit as this offers the patient time to consolidate, process and practice techniques.

Her sessions are cearly making you feel worse than better, and am sorry this is happening. She needs reporting to the professional body who holds her accreditation. And you have evidence to back this up.

Good luck, take care, and do what's best for you.

Pinkclouds80 · 19/01/2025 10:29

This makes me so sad - I had therapist who was not dissimilar and I wish I had called her out but I never did. I bottled it and sent an email saying I wasn’t coming back because work was relocating me and I felt uneasy about it for ages afterwards.

Your therapist sounds a bit horrendous - not to say she hasn’t been with you through some important stuff but remember that work was done by you! As others have said, she categorically should NOT be giving you advice.

It was ironic for me that it was raging codependency and people pleasing that took me to therapy in the first place, and I ended up in the same dynamic with her…I only say that because I wondered when I read your post whether that was part of what was happening for you.

You can ABSOLUTELY end this relationship immediately, however you see fit. It’s bordering on abusive, when you consider how she’s using your time together and the financial gain she is making.

Very best of luck…this shit is hard!! X

extramile · 19/01/2025 10:21

Cancel immediately if you have no obligations and make sure to tell her that you would have continued if she hadn’t pressured you in this way and done what she was paid to do. Can you also post a review of her services online?

Disneyrunner · 19/01/2025 09:51

Moocow1995 · 15/01/2025 13:57

Thanks very much all for the replies. I suppose I was just checking I was in the right to cancel without further notice based on this experience. She is indeed BACP registered yes. I think I will take the approach of cancelling ASAP and not waiting until May and then blocking on all avenues.

Ironically a lot of our work together has been focussed on giving me the confidence to set boundaries and stand up for myself when I don’t feel situations are right or beneficial to me, so it has been strange and counterproductive for her to bat all of my boundaries/ requests and very reasonable explanations away at every given opportunity.

I do agree that she is providing a service and I am a customer and so it is not up to her whether or not I continue!

Is it a test & when you've got the balls to fully cancel you've passed?!

boredoflaundry · 19/01/2025 09:28

Moocow1995 · 15/01/2025 13:57

Thanks very much all for the replies. I suppose I was just checking I was in the right to cancel without further notice based on this experience. She is indeed BACP registered yes. I think I will take the approach of cancelling ASAP and not waiting until May and then blocking on all avenues.

Ironically a lot of our work together has been focussed on giving me the confidence to set boundaries and stand up for myself when I don’t feel situations are right or beneficial to me, so it has been strange and counterproductive for her to bat all of my boundaries/ requests and very reasonable explanations away at every given opportunity.

I do agree that she is providing a service and I am a customer and so it is not up to her whether or not I continue!

So put that in your letter ! … based on the work you have done with her you are setting your own boundaries!

ThatRareUmberJoker · 17/01/2025 15:50

AndanotherThingggg · 16/01/2025 18:28

I had a therapist turn bolshy when I gave her (months of) notice that I’d be stopping after five-plus years of weekly therapy. I had two thoughts: firstly, that maybe she was using me as a case study and hadn’t yet finished her thesis; and secondly, that this particular cash cow had baled on her and she was fretting about how she’d pay for her expensive holiday (when I started with her, she said if I gave her enough notice she’d be able to fill my weekly slot so I wouldn’t have to pay: in all that time she never did, even though I frequently gave her four-plus months notice).
BTW she was BACP registered so I don’t think that’s necessarily a guarantee of acceptable behaviour.

Show quote history

It sounds like the therapist was codependent on you.

ilovesooty · 17/01/2025 12:14

PorridgeEater · 17/01/2025 11:26

This thread just shows how unreliable "therapy" can be - people should be prepared to make their own judgements. The person who claimed it was ridiculous to say something derogatory about the therapist should read the comments people have made!

That's not what that poster said, as she has confirmed. Perhaps you should realise that you have misinterpreted.

Eyesopenwideawake · 17/01/2025 12:04

PorridgeEater · 17/01/2025 11:26

This thread just shows how unreliable "therapy" can be - people should be prepared to make their own judgements. The person who claimed it was ridiculous to say something derogatory about the therapist should read the comments people have made!

I said that the poster who said "OMG, I think I know who this (therapist) is!!" was ridiculous. Because it was.

PorridgeEater · 17/01/2025 11:26

This thread just shows how unreliable "therapy" can be - people should be prepared to make their own judgements. The person who claimed it was ridiculous to say something derogatory about the therapist should read the comments people have made!

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/01/2025 10:36

Silverfoxette · 16/01/2025 23:32

I am attending a therapist too who is the same. Told me he would prefer if I have to miss a session, that we have two the following week.

Find a new one!

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