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Original poster

Ignoring someone's weight when they keep mentioning it

60 replies

weightyissue · 15/01/2025 11:02

This is a family member. Whenever we see them or have any contact they mention the fact they are fat. They are probably in the morbidly obese category but it's not something I would ever bring up. They are a somewhat distant relative but due to a family situation we are needing to be in regular contact for various reasons that I won't bore you with.

It's making me and my dc uncomfortable. We would hardly say to them, yes you are really fat because that would be rude and the dc have been brought up to not comment on weight/size. We can hardy deny it either. We just change the subject but it is awkward and is making us not want to see them.

Do we continue to ignore or should we say something? We are very non-confrontational and also ND (autism and ADHD) and struggle in social situations as it is.

What do we do?

OP posts:
fanaticalfairy · 15/01/2025 11:19

Just be blunt.

"Stop mentioning that you're fat please, we're not going to engage".

She probably just wants you to go "ohhhh nooooo you're not faaaat".

redbokoblin · 15/01/2025 11:17

When people do this my response tends to be laugh and change subject. They are the ones making it awkward, not you. It's a weird thing to constantly bring up, and entirely to do with them and their insecurities/ perception of how others are looking at them.

You don't need to get into a conversation about weight with a distant relative you don't even know that well.

IPM · 15/01/2025 11:16

I hear you OP, I have a colleague like this and yes it makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

I've learned to deal with it by just saying 'Oh right', when they mention their weight and then I continue with the conversation they've tried to shoehorn it into.

Just stay completely non committal.

As PPs have said, it's probably just their way of coping with how they feel others perceive them.

Icanttakethisanymore · 15/01/2025 11:15

I think it depends on how they bring it up; are they inviting you to minimise the issue like "oh, you like fine!" or do they want to discuss it in a meaningful way and perhaps want support? How close are you to them?

Huckyfell · 15/01/2025 11:14

Balloonhearts · 15/01/2025 11:03

I would just laugh it off tbh. Oh well, something has to kill you, might as well be chocolate.

I'll use that one😂

RedLightsStopSigns · 15/01/2025 11:13

Can you give an example of how they bring it up? Does it require a response from you or your DC, or can you just ignore/laugh and move on?

lljkk · 15/01/2025 11:12

Maybe tell your kids that relative worries about it but it's not a problem that can be shared so basically the person is just sharing their feelings which is ok but doesn't need to be dwelled upon. Smile politely & steer conversation to topics that can have mutual benefits. It's a useful lifeskill anyway to show your kids.

MidnightBloom · 15/01/2025 11:11

It depends on what they have said about their weight. I wouldn't out of the blue say something about someone's weight but if they brought it up then maybe they want to chat about it or hope you will give them help or something or maybe they are just open and chatty, we don't know because you haven't said. I find it a bit extreme that it's making you feel uncomfortable and you don't want to see them.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/01/2025 11:04

As above said - they're obviously uncomfortable having to socialise and are making a joke of a tough situation

Be nice about it and smile politely

Balloonhearts · 15/01/2025 11:03

I would just laugh it off tbh. Oh well, something has to kill you, might as well be chocolate.

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