Ignoring someone's weight when they keep mentioning it

Why do you feel the need to ignore it when he's the one bringing it up?

I expect because

1. His weight is not the OP's problem.
2. It makes her feel awkward.
3. It's boring when people bang on about it.

You can bet your bottom dollar it's way more uncomfortable for them than you. As a former morbidly obese person, now just plain old obese, it's a defence. You're weight can be the first thing you think of when you wake up and last thing when you go to bed at night. Stands to reason you're going to think it will be foremost in other people's minds so you get it in before they do. I'm not sure what your response should be but I would hope you can acknowledge it must be a big issue for them to constantly refer to it.

Why not say something like "if it makes you unhappy perhaps you should see your GP"

Or if they are reasonably comfortable financially suggest they look into injections. They are available privately to anyone with a BMI over 30 (or 27 if other criteria are met).

The fact they keep raising it suggests they want to talk about it

I got really fat due to medication I have to take that is saving my life - the alternative is to die by a horrible condition. It’s embarrassing when you see people you haven’t seen in a while (even relatives) and so I do maybe mention it more than I ought to but in todays society I feel I need to justify this change. I’m guessing he’s embarrassed and is thinking everyone is internally judging him so he acknowledges it first. It’s really sad that fat people feel the need to do that but the shame we are inflicted with due to a society assuming we eat too many pies and don’t exercise enough makes us do odd things.

i don’t think he’s reaching for a no you’re not comment because he knows he is. Nothing angers me more than people who tell me I’m not fat - we have eyes and we know what we see.

I don’t know how you should respond - maybe with honesty. Explain you understand he’s very self conscious but that you still love him anyway and he doesn’t need to point out his body weight because it’s irrelevant to your relationship.

Please don't say this! The chances are he is really struggling with thinking other people are thinking badly of him because of his weight so is bringing it into the conversation himself. There is being blunt, and there is being rude. This response is the latter.

Why do you feel the need to ignore it when he's the one bringing it up?

Because it may not be likely to be an appropriate conversation to have with her kids there.

There's a time and a place for a noncommittal, rather bored "uh-huh" type of neutral acknowledgment, and I'm inclined to think this is one of them.

Does it require a response? Do they just announce they're fat or do they say something like "damn, hiking is rough when you're fat"? If the latter then you can say 9
something about hiking.

Why do you feel the need to ignore it when he's the one bringing it up?

I'm quite overweight (am currently losing it, so have just escaped the obese category into the overweight one), and some times I'll mention it, either as part of a joke or because it's relevant to the conversation. For instance I've got quite short legs, but a large waist so it's a nightmare trying to find jeans that fit, a topic that came up in work the other day.

I'm not ashamed by it. I eat too much food so I'm fat, it's just a fact of life. If I was ashamed, or didn't want it included in conversation in the first place, then I wouldn't mention it in the first place.

To add to my post, I had a (now deceased) family member who was generally lovely and meant well but weight, food and looks obsessed. Half what she talked about was her latest diet details, gained 5 pounds after Christmas such a piggy, need to diet for holiday to wear bikini without shame, am not eating white carbs, 132 calories in that mini roll you know, wants to be a size 10 again felt so disgusting when buying size 14. On and on.

She passed when my kids were pretty small but as someone who has had food issues I hated hearing it and didn’t want my kids growing up hearing it.

I can't imagine anyone with an ounce of emotional intelligence speaking to someone like this. Silly advice.

It's probably on their mind constantly so they can't help but talk about it.
I'd gently suggest they talk to their GP if they're finding it hard to take steps to start losing weight.
I can understand why you find it uncomfortable, but it seems they're ok with bringing up their weight, so don't feel you're insulting them by leaning into the conversation.

I think there can be a place for saying to people that you try not to discuss weight issues in front of the children, could they not. However without understanding the context and the way he is doing it it is hard to say if that is appropriate.

This! Think about it OP, if you're self conscious about something and thinking that other people are thinking about it you just want to blurt it out to have it over and done with. I would just treat this as if he hadn't said anything. Like "I'm fat." You: "We were thinking about going to the cinema next week to see..." if he insists on saying it again I would ask him what he would like me to say to that. Does he need validation, does he want me to deny it or is he reaching out gor help?

How close are you? When my sister tells me about her weight related health issues, I find myself saying things like, ‘yes, you need to lose weight because it is affecting your mobility and we have a history of diabetes in the family. Have you tried x, etc’ But we are quite direct with each other.

Whereas if my cousin or aunt asks me, I’m more circumspect and ask questions like ‘are you finding it difficult?’

The same for me, when my mum or sisters tell me I’m fat, I just rub my belly and say ‘I know’ really glumly.

I am quite overweight and I do this. It's like a sort of defense mechanism I think. I mention that I'm fat or that I know I'm fat. It's because the people around me tend to point it out and so I just expect everyone to be judging me for it.

Having people give me weight loss tips isn't what I want to hear so I'd rather they just laughed it off and moved on.

That would be so rude and agressive!

Unless he's saying 'Do you think I'm fat?' or actively asking for advice, you don't need to say anything. He's just mentioning it, not asking you to comment.

If, for example, I mention to a friend that I hate shopping for trousers because I'm short, I'm not inviting them to comment on my shortness. Just stating a fact in passing.

Both my Mum and MIL do this. My Mum has to let me know everytime she’s eaten something she considers “bad” since the last time I visited. I’ve asked her to discuss it less in front of the DC because I don’t want them to grow up with her attitude to food.

It must be and feel horrible in daily life.
Can they get help?

Oh, I assumed it was a woman!

Regardless, I'm the sort to go into coaching mode.

How does that make you feel?
What do you think causes it?
What's driving you?
What do you want?
What do you need for your health and your relationship?
What have you done so far?
What else could you do?
What will you do next?

I would not be smiling, minimising, saying oh surely not, don't be silly.

And if that kind of pandering is what he wants from me, hopefully the questions would make him stop.

But if it was a helpful conversation? - everyone benefits.

What exactly is he saying? Does it require a response from you?

I think that I am fat- do you think I am fat?
or is it more like
I wont be able to do that because I am too fat?

Sometimes people do this as a defence mechanism, like they are saying it before someone else has a chance too. Chances are they are probably insecure about their situation. I would just focus on the other parts of what they are saying. Like if they say oh I tried to do this but couldn't because of my weight, you could reply oh that's a shame, what did you do instead or that's a shame, I'm sure that was disappointing.

Id be saying what you have said here „I don’t know what you want me to say to that“. Are they fishing for compliments or thinking if they say it you won’t think it. As others have said it’s all on them and

Can you give an example of what they say when they mention it and when they mention it?

I would think that they are aware they are very fat, and want to pre-empt any comments about it and make it clear that they know.

I have a family member who does this. I think maybe they feel that it's a taboo subject, and it would be better if everyone was more open about it and less awkward? (They've never said that to me - that's just the vibe I get.) I think it's a 'nod and sympathetic smile' situation.