DS has quit his job to go travelling with a girl he just met

Best thing I ever did was quitting my job at 22 and go travelling for 10 weeks. Returned with a whole new outlook on life, increased confidence, renewed enthusiasm to work hard and "settle" after feeling like I'd got the travelling out of my system to some extent. Travel in your early twenties is wonderful and should be encouraged I think.

I haven’t read the whole thread but it is a good thing that he’s travelling as it’ll go down well with future employers, as he’ll show he has guts, new experiences and be broader minded. So just support him.

He’s the best age for this type of decision. Once you get responsibilities it becomes much harder to travel. Is he still living at home or does he have his own place?
My 24yo did a month trip to Bali last May as she wanted to travel. She went with camp Bali as had nobody to travel with. It has made her grow up in a good way and now she has a boyfriend they are thinking of going to Indonesia this year. They are both at home so can put their money into this for the moment. She managed to get unpaid time off from her job so could go back to it. Your son should explore if his workplace might do similar before completely quitting (assuming he likes his work).

He doesn't know her that well, you said. She may be carrying something illegal (drugs)

I travelled the world for two years between 23 and 25. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it weren’t for those experiences and the people I met.

That was 30 years ago and I’ve had a good career.

I used to trust people I’d only just met in my 20s, by relying on my instinct. Typical when you’re young. But he should be a little wary about travelling with a woman he barely knows. There are dodgy people out there. Was she travelling solo? Has he met any of her friends or spoken to her family. Did she approach him in the bar or did he approach her? Have you got her and her family’s contact details in case you can’t get hold of your DS?

If he’s not that streetwise, I’d have a gentle chat with him about staying safe. Don’t agree to carry her stuff on flights or at border crossings. Don’t pay for her if she suddenly doesn’t have enough money. Don’t leave her alone with his cards, money or passport. Be careful about drinks offered to him rather than ones he buys. And generally trust his gut in any situation.

I’m sure he’ll have a ball. I wish my son would do this.

@5128gap what has he missed out on?

I don't think it's about it being an 'achievement', more demonstrating that he didn't spend the year dossing around gaming or whatever.

I’ve always wished I had travelled more like that when I was that age. It’s much more difficult to do these things when you are older. I doubt he will regret it, whether or not it works out with the girl. It will be an enriching experience.

For an introverted young nan who has missed out on a fair bit, this is an excellent thing for him. A fantastic adventure. He is very young with plenty of time to pick up his career afterwards and no real ties or responsibilities so nothing to lose and much to gain. However I completely get how this must feel for you. The son you know feels like he has disappeared. You're probably concerned that this woman you barely know has had such influence, and the 'see how we feel' is sufficient that you may worry you'll ever 'get him back'. Try not to worry. People dont tend to conpletely change, they just discover and explore new sides to thenselves. Stay supportive and happy for him.

Some jobs let you take a career break if you apply so the job is still there for you on your return. A bit of paperwork but it saves them having to recruit to a permanent role and saves you having to reapply.

Op I agree it's really unlikely she'll be using him as a drugs mule. But actually in reality just tell him to be careful what he says to customs etc. He needs to say he packed his back himself and it's only his and his girlfriends things etc. or he could end up being searched by customs etc.

The people who are trading red flags about the drugs mule thing are probably a bit older. There was a raft of news coverage in the 80s/ 90s and a very famous TV drama (Bangkok Hilton) about this issue. It still happens but doesn’t make the news as much. Usually it’s the other way around - young girl is charmed by good looking man, they go travelling together, she takes part of his luggage and gets arrested for drug smuggling. While it’s unlikely the speed of this courtship and where they’re going does mean it ticks all the boxes.

This is the stuff that stops folks having a mid life crisis.

Drugs!

It won’t necessarily add to your CV in the way it might have but it won’t get in the way much. I would just think that someone who had taken time out to travel was interesting and I’d be a bit jealous. I wouldn’t be less likely to employ them. It does demonstrate qualities like willing to take a risk, a zest for life, being interested and curious about the world.

I’d be nervous too OP, that he was taking such a risk, albeit a very exciting one while he’s still a young man. But to be honest, you set the precedent by taking a bigger risk when you emigrated 13 years ago. He’s just doing the same as you did. Maybe he’ll marry this girl and decide to stay in Europe .

I don’t think one thing or another when see a gap year on someone’s CV - minus a vague sense of jealousy that I never had the opportunity (I grew up in the states and had never heard of such a thing) It’s a valid reason to take a pause so I just move on to considering the rest of it. I mostly hope they don’t flag up their gap year on their cover letter as some sort of ‘life experience’ as that’s always a stretch in the sense of employability (unless of course it was spent volunteering etc)

Is it any wonder he lacks confidence with parents like you?? All you did in your post was criticize him and talk him down. All you have to say about his adventurous plans is negative. Can you not see the connection between your lack of support and his lack of confidence??

Give your son a break. He’s young and this is the ideal time to quit a job and explore the world. So what if it doesn’t work out with this girl? He’s 24! He’ll be fine. Let him live his life, give him a chance to be happy - if you go around spoiling everything for him, he will soon distance himself from you.

Drugs

I can see your concern as a mother I'd be worried too.
It sounds exciting but he has only met this girl doesn't really know her.
Hopefully he has the best time of his life. Make some great friends along the way and who will look out for each other

Sounds like a great opportunity!

He sounds quite innocent so I would be worried as a mum about him setting off. As he hasn't know this girl for that long (only 3 months???) I would be cautious about them travelling the whole trip together and make sure he knows how to make arrangements himself if they did go their separate ways. I imagine at the moment they see eachother for dates, I don't know whether they are planning on a shared room together when travelling or bunking up with others? If it's just the 2 of them this is when annoying habits about the other can be discovered and the honeymoon period ends. Also it's easy to get caught up in the excitement and she sounds like an experienced traveller and may have her set ideas or how to do things. I am not sure I would have gone on holiday with someone I had only known for 3 months, let alone plan on going away for a little while.
It's good she has perhaps enabled your son to come out of his shell to do this through, as it's a good time before he settles down (if that's what he wants in the future).

That’s great. You know your son best so if you trust his instincts and he is sensible then just wave him off with a smile. I think your first OP may be sounded like you thought he was a bit naive and star struck. You seemed unnerved at the speed of it. That got people to consider the risks along with you. It’s good to be aware but I agree, it’s not a reason not to go.

I think with risk assessments you figure out the likelihood of something happening and the consequences if it does. Here the likelihood is tiny. But the consequences are catastrophic. So it shouldn’t stop him doing it as, like you say, the chances of this being an issue are tiny, but, as the consequence could be catastrophic it’s a good idea that he knows that this is a risk so, like you say, he carries the extra T-Shirts but not the funny looking statue bought at the market.

Every time we travel on a motorway there is a risk of a serious accident. The chances are slim but the consequences could be catastrophic. So we minimise the risk by taking driving lessons, having a speed limit and driving carefully. It doesn’t mean we stop driving.

So give him a quick heads up about the risk (sandwiched between lots of excited curiosity and interest) and tell him to have the best time of his life.

I see what you are saying, totally agree about non-availability of short-haul flights for your part of the world, but what is this EXPERIENCE of travel? How does it benefit his CV? Wow, he can book a ticket on an Internet site! Wow, he can make it to the airport on time! And he can sip cocktails in a bar in Europe without getting into a brawl? I can't believe the employers would be so easily impressed - I never put my spade-and-bucket holidays in Spain on my CV - which would be an equivalent of modern gap year (mummy on Whatsapp daily, money wired at a drop of a hat, don't even have to know how to read a guide-book, don't need to read maps - google maps will shout TURN RIGHT NOW). You can't simply put 'gap year' on your CV these days and expect your employer to be singling you out from other applicants. Yes, even in the early 1990s a gap year, when you had to read maps, could not easily wire money and had to be responsible not to lose your AmEx traveller's cheques and your mummy was not on Whatsapp and you were not on her tracker was an achievement. But sorry, not now.

Yeah I am not so sure about that last line in all honesty.

We (me and my ex husband, bf then) backpacked practically around the world in our 20's.

He was still a complete moron when he hit MLC.

As a mother of an adult son I would have the same concerns. But you have to
let your children make their own way in the world. Even if things don’t work out it will be a massive learning experience for him and make him think twice before taking the similar steps in the future. I know you will worry for him but you have to show you are happy for him and support him and be there for him if things don’t work out.

Support him and also advise him to have his tax up to date and to ask that he discusses with you about any banking details that you might need to know about, passport info etc.

Can you advise him to leave an amount in savings in readiness for his return and for emergencies etc?