DS has quit his job to go travelling with a girl he just met

Sounds like great fun, can I come? This is probably a once in a lifetime opportunity for him to travel If he is funding in it I'd wish him all the best. He can get another job when he gets home!

Before they go, decide on an 'emergency phrase' so if you get one of those calls, Mum, please send me some money, without the phrase you'll know it's a scam!

It has made me chuckle how this thread has gone from ‘ds got a new girlfriend’ to drugs mule in about three posts lol

So many threads about kids stuck inside gaming, not doing anything with their lives … sure some of these parents would give their eye teeth for their kid to get out there and explore the world with a lovely new girlfriend.

This is brilliant, he’s living his life, just the way he should.

Lucky bugger , I wish I’d done this
just make sure he has lots of comdoms!

I do wonder why they’ll be using companies that organise gap year tours, rather than organising it themselves. Both our dds did gap year travels (dd1 over a year after she’d graduated and had been working) but managed it all themselves.
Incidentally dd1 ‘fell’ into her eventual career via a voluntary job she did while away in SE Asia. She was away for 2 years, but funded most of it via sundry jobs, some of which were TEFL (she had done a course on purpose) before leaving.

Oh that’s a great life experience, you’ll worry for sure, but you’ll deal with it.

I think you/your son were referencing carrying someone elses heavy stuff when walking around a city/backpacking around a country. They thought you were talking about going through an airport. Everyone packs their own bag and carries their own stuff through customs. Its a good rule to have when travelling as its not so much that the girl is secretly a smuggler, but they will likely meet other people/make new friends. So its good just to have it as a solid rule from the start - makes it less awkward later on. And I would use that angle rather than "your girlfriend might be using you as a drugs mule."

So long as he knows some of the sensible rules around travelling (like the above) then he should go for it and hopefully have a great time!

Hi @ilosttheracoonjack , I sound like quite a similar man to your son, and I had a similar experience in my 20s that I thought I'd share.

I went travelling at 22 to Australia, with my brother for the first couple of months and then alone after that. Like your son, I'm not exactly a social butterfly. I've always really struggled to strike up and maintain conversations with strangers, so while I had an absolutely brilliant time, and did meet people and make friends while out there, I also spent quite a bit of time on my own.

Anyway, one evening a girl who'd been sleeping in the bunk below mine in the hostel struck up a conversation, persisted past my awkwardness and we just clicked. Sat up talking until 7am, and then did exactly the same the next night. I'd never just clicked like that with anyone before, and by the end of night two we felt like we'd known each other forever.

The only problem was that second night was her last is Aus, and she was heading off to NZ and then Thailand and Vietnam. We were both devastated, I took her to the airport, we had a tearful goodbye and she buggered off forever. We kept in touch over the next couple of weeks by email, and I hatched a plan that I could head to Thailand and meet her. I put it too her and she was ecstatic about the idea so I instantly sorted out flights and visas. I had to scrap all my existing plans, I was due to meet family in a few weeks and had work lined up in my next destination, so ruffled a few feathers when I cancelled stuff. My parents were also concerned that I was going off to a strange country alone chasing after someone I'd only known for 48 hours.

Anyway, I went, we met up at the airport and then spent 3 of the best months of my life in some wonderful places in absolutely wonderful company. The relationship didn't last, at the end of the 3 months I came home to the UK and quickly found a job, she went home to Israel and struggled to find one. We chatted online most nights and 6 months later she came over to visit me. It wasn't the same, when we went away for the weekend or whatever it was great, but at home I was working, she was rattling round the house all day waiting for me to come home. We made the best of it, but when she went home we both mutually decided to call it a day.

Despite that I wouldn't change a moment of it. I had 3 proper relationships before I met my DP of the last 20 years, and all of them had an hand in forming who I am now, taught me things about myself, some of it good, some of it bad. The one above though was by far the most important. It taught me that I was capable of spontaneity when I really wanted something, how to improvise. It taught me that with the right person, I was proud of who I was, I felt confident to be vulnerable and not have to hide parts of myself. It taught me what it felt like to properly fall in love, and to be loved in return. And it taught me that sometimes that's not enough, and you have to make an adult decision to do what's best, even if it goes against what you want.

6 months later, I met DP, and we didn't have the easiest start to our relationship. A month in I got her pregnant, although neither of us knew this until DP went into labour, and suddenly we had a baby. We weren't living together, were both fairly casual about the relationship, had busy lives so saw each other a few times a week. We had to have some hard conversations over those first few weeks, about whether we were going to try and make a proper go at it or just co-parent. In the end, it went fantastically and 20 years later we're still standing, but I don't know if I'd have handled it nearly as well had it not been for the prior relationship.

Support him OP, this could be the making of him.
Travelling is so good for young people.
He has completed his degree, it is going nowhere.
Let him have this.
Be positive and encourage him to keep in touch.
Take a photo of his passport.
It really helped when my friends son lost his bag that they had a good photo of it for a temporary one to be issued in Thailand.
It messed up his travel though as he couldn't finish the trip.
Tell him mind it carefully.

This could be me and my Husband.

We met at 23 in the January, quit our jobs and went travelling together in the May.

People thought we were mad but 5 years later we are now married with 2 children and a house together. Not saying it will end the same but worst case he can get a flight home if he's not enjoying it! The travelling will do wonders for his confidence.

I didn't even respond to that, as what I took from it, is that things are VERY different in other parts of the world.

Including negativity.

I can see people’s concerns here. What tries she do for a living? Beautiful, extrovert fun loving girls with money, but no obvious signs of where the money is coming from is a massive red flag. Alternatively a beautiful, extroverted fun loving girl with a great career and solid family ties would sound like a great adventure. Be very nosy.

Ha, yes that's true! Brain not properly functioning at 4am. But i am surprised that OP was so surprised at everyone else being surprised that the possibility didn't at least occur to her.

I think the biggest danger is actually the second half of my post - that they have a big falling out half way through the trip and either lose money coming home or an awkward sharing of rooms for the rest of the trip. 3months isn't long to have known someone.

Sounds wonderful @ilosttheracoonjack even though I sympathise why you’re nervous. I do think working lives are longer these days and tougher and the experiences of confidence this will bring will be valuable in later life. Sounds like a great relationship too.
i am sure it will all work out well and wish him lots of luck!

I have had both my DDs do the SE Asia thing. I actually went to join one in Myanmar at the end of her 6 months. It felt such a safe thing to do, I stayed in hostels with her and realised the camaraderie that exists between what are mostly young people. Sadly Myanmar is not now a great destination, but any of the other countries would be great. I'm not even sure about using a third party to arrange trips. You are paying someone else to do something that you can do yourself. If you keep your options open and stay for a week or so somewhere, you don't need to be so worried about schedules so DIY can work well. I would encourage anyone to go travelling when they are young if they can afford it.

However the advice about not carrying stuff for someone else is paramount. It would be so easy for someone to drop anything into a rucksack e.g. amongst dirty laundry - Really do not let him be tricked into being a drug mule.

This sounds like a great opportunity for your DS. He's 24 and doesn't have the weight of the world on him yet, so why not? As his mum, be positive and remind him to get any immunizations he might need for travel.

What a sneery post. It’s Australia, not UK, and gap years are the norm. I have relatives there and all their kids do it. They aren’t talking about 2 weeks on the Costa Blanca. Travelling/backpacking does broaden their minds, you have to be resourceful, make connections with people, be able to manage tricky situations, you see more than your own culture, which some people could do with more of, and so on. It’s also a lot of fun.

Drugs. Other smuggling.

Having known some drug smugglers in my time / they are unlikely to use accredited group travel organisations to run drugs across countries!

That's absolutely brilliant. I love being married and dull and settled now, but the year(s!) my DH and I spent travelling and living all over the world before we had children are the best memories of my life.

That's fantastic that your son has met someone fun to share all that with.

My dc have travelled extensively all over the world. I am very much in favour of travelling. I do think it is important to read all the foreign office advice, be aware of possible problems and as pp said, get very good travel insurance.
Thailand and South and central America are beautiful but risky places, so it is important to be aware. Especially if they don't speak the language.

I did this exact thing! I met someone in my summer job after uni, took out a loan at the time when they’d give them to anyone. Flew across the world and went travelling for seven months, working in hostels and cafes for cash in hand along the way.
One of the biggest learning experiences of my life. I travelled to some incredible places and learnt so much about myself. No regrets at all.
Im also now married with kids to the same person 20years later!

You never stop worrying about your children, that comes with being a mother.
You emigrated when you were maybe in your 30s? I’m sure your parents worried about you but kept quiet as they knew it was what you wanted to do.

I really believe everyone should have great experiences, travel when they can. It’s the best educational experience there is and none of us know when the opportunities will end. Health condition has scuppered my ideas for exotic travel I’m damned glad I travelled while I was younger.

???? Most people have said its a great idea?

To add. Best thing I ever did. Will never have that time again and loved every second of it. Even the 24 hour busses across Vietnam and food poisoning hitting on a plane.