To think I’m pushing it with my employer?

Is this your first? If so the period where they start nursery is like this, with bugs every two seconds - particularly at this time of year. It gets easier as their immune system builds. You are not taking the piss, you are doing what you need to to look after your child and do the best you can at work. Reality is when you have kids they are the most important thing. It’s very possible that your manager knows this from experience and is trying to support you. It will get easier, perhaps you could alternate child care with your partner on the days you child is ill? Or ask grandparents/family for the odd bit of last min help?

It’s so common to have work delayed! I genuinely don’t understand why tradespeople don’t manage expectations better. I bake in delays to the work, if that was the basis for bad reviews I wouldn’t pay any attention.

OP, are you actually angling to give up work and be a SAHM for a while?

That’s a legitimate choice (though comes with lots of risks, mainly for you) but you need to be honest with everyone concerned if you are. A child off nursery a few days every week is unusual, and a DH that ‘can’t’ possibly help is perhaps a convenient excuse if you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed being back at work.

I absolutely wouldn’t go with a childminder. They bring up their own host of problems. If they’re unwell or have an accident or injury then your child can’t attend. You also have to factor in a childminder taking holidays and need to plan around that which is really restrictive.

Your child will develop immunity in time and things will get much better as we head into spring but I agree that in the meantime there’s no alternative other than your husband stepping up and sharing some of the burden for now

They are not only answerable to themselves, they are also answerable to their clients! As a decorator if he has to delay a job he’s half way through, it delays his next job! It will only take a few bad reviews and his work will dry up! No doubt if he was working for you, you’d be one who’d leave a bad review if he had to delay your work!

No professional advice, just wanted to reassure you that you’ll come through the other side soon enough! We had one winter where I might as well not have gone back to work as my child was sick so often. After that almost never ill at all. X

Do you are making your DH's reputation in affect your employers problem. Getting the balance right is important. What about your reputation? what about it you lose your job? why is DH so much more important than you?

Her DH needs to step up too! I am also self employed and sometimes I have to take time off and lose money. It happens when you have kids.

I am a woman with dc and this is exactly what made me go self-employed, even though I was in a very well paid job. We were supposed to pick up the slack of those who returned from maternity leave. I can't even describe the resentment -in addition to the usual illnesses, etc. it was 'Toby has a concert I have asked to leave early', 'Illie is in a play, I have asked to leave early'. They openly took the piss. Same with demands for working from home - their input was so sub-standard, that it came to not asking them to do things, because we would have to re-do them. It was not easy to get adjusted to being self-employed, it was scary, but the relief that I did not have to do somebody's work for free just because little Toby has a concert or suchlike, was enormous.

My childminder doesn’t take unwell kids (does anyone?) but both my DC had a lot less illnesses and bugs at DC. They are exposed to fewer children and adults (sometimes 2-3 kids only) and generally I found it cleaner at a childminders. No kids running around w snotty noses, lots of handwashing etc.

Unless the child is vomiting or very unwell send them in.

Have you considered changing hours/role? The current role doesn't work for you. Do you really have to wait until you get fired? Get proactive. Also not fair on the team to take on extra work because of you. Are they getting paid for the extra bit you were supposed to take over?

A couple of days most weeks? If I read that right it is a lot .... are you sure he isnt able to attend some of those days? I can't quite think of the right words but I mean this is a nice way but are you sure you aren't being too soft as such some days?

If you child is so unwell that he has to miss nursery every week I’d take him for a check up with a private paeds. Mine had constant ent issues and the consultant put him on antibiotics three times a week. And yes of course it’s normal to have sniffles every week and a draw full of calpol syringes, but off every week sounds odd. Or you could give him meds and take him to nursery.

it sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it by cramming it into two days. WFH with a sick kid is not wfh.

most weeks he can’t go at least a couple of days due to illness

And this has been going on for 6 months? This seems really excessive.

I think this is the reality for most mothers going back to work. All children in childcare get ill somewhat often so time off work is inevitable. I’d just do as much as you can, of everything, without killing your self in the process. It’s not an ideal answer but if you want/need to work that’s what has to happen from the parents’ POV. I couldn’t manage it and was effectively managed out but if your boss is supportive you have an ally there. There are many threads on mn about parents’ burnt out and not coping so take heed of those and do what you can.. this period is not forever. Lots of luck x

My daughter went to a childminder and was rarely ill.

Might be worth considering this as an alternative to nursery?

I mean she was ill occasionally but nowhere near the level you're describing.

The other thing is, as others have said, it isn't your works problem that your children are ill or your husband is self employed, they will just want you to be fair with them.

I think if I were your DH I would be allowing more time than I need for each job and also prioritising Saturdays when you will definitely be available (I assume).

He won't damage his reputation if he takes on a doable amount of work and does it reliably.

I am of two minds on this situation. On the one hand, if you were a single parent, you'd miss just as much work as you do now. However, you are not a single parent. You husband needs to step up, otherwise resentment will eventually build up between you two.

I think you need to think longer term. Your child won't always be this young. Once they start school there will be illnesses and school plays, assemblies etc. you'll want flexibility to go to things like that but you can't expect it if you use up all their goodwill.

My manager is really good but can see we share illnesses and inset days. When I ask for time for school events they tend to let me. I've a colleague who is off a lot with their children as her husband has a job where he can't get time off (!) and their patience is wearing thin with her.

Same, never known a new parent (man or woman) where I work to not require a lot of flexibility when having a young child. I also suspect there's a lot of people on this thread who would do the same as OP if their partner was self employed.

I had similar happen when mine were younger, first few winters in nursery were rough for us all. DH worked away so it was always me that had to take holiday and stay home. It does pass though and now they barely ever miss a day from school.

Is there any family that could help? Even for a few hours so you could get some work done or could you catch up in the evening? Otherwise it is just riding it out until it passes.

Solo parent over here, I have to take all the sickness time.

Saying that, if I were in a busy period, I would hire a babysitter and WFH out of the way, or catch up after hours. Or both. Work in the evening to catch up.

I feel like if work is so flexible that you can get the work done whenever as long as you hit deadlines, then you should still be able to do this. Have teams on your phone and manage the people stuff ad-hoc, and do the actual work after hours.

Can you set days and hours? Or does your husband decide if he's working early/late and you flex accordingly?

Agree with you on the husband part but don’t think childminder would take sick children either, and also, it’s not particularly nice for the child. This is why dependency leave exists.