To think I’m pushing it with my employer?

DH and I do half days each is the kids are sick, it’s easier to catch up that way and it shows our employers we’re not relying on just one of them to take the hit.

What about the baby OP? What does the baby say?

Get a childminder...now! My friend lost her job due to the same reason - her child was constantly sick and off the nursery. At the childminder's he is less likely to catch bugs as there are fewer children. And it will be a lot of fun, as they tend to take them out and about in a car to clubs, playgrounds, softplays, etc. Mine went till he was 3 years old.

I have been a manager in a large business and also a very small business and have always been supportive of staff juggling children especially on a return to work.
It sounds like you are ok at the moment and you are valuable to them so they’re being fair and patient.

however I would also do the following to mitigate a potential rise in resentment.

1. your DP needs more flexibilty. this needs to start right now somehow. Maybe he always covers Fridays regardless - it’s not fair you and your business is shouldering entire burden. Maybe in years to come he doesn’t take jobs in Jan for example so he is around for all childcare at a time of year when there’s lots of illnesses so you can really support your team.
2. can you do work in the evenings to catch up and show you’re really trying at the moment. I have worked 9pm until midnight many times to catch up.
3. offer to take unpaid leave the next time it happens - even if they say no, they will appreciate gesture and if they’re struggling or want temp admin help they will have some budget.

Try not to feel guilty - just be as proactive as you can in coming up with solutions that show your employer you’re trying. It’s a really hard time of year and employers have to be as understanding as possible especially if they feel their employee is meeting them half way.
good luck OP x .

To be honest I don’t really understand the voting options.

If you personally think you are taking the piss (your title), then make some changes.

Having said that, your employer hasn’t raised an issue yet so you would be fine to carry on as you are. But if you are well paid and have the income for childcare, there’s no reason not to pay for it.

I hate employers that make other staff pick up work for colleagues on maternity leave. It does just build resentment. Management need to support you, and also support the others who are in work in ensuring they are not overloaded. That is not your burden.

You're expecting your boss and colleagues to be understanding of your child being sick but not the people your DH is decorating for. Why the double standards? I think our (female) decorator is really sensible as she estimates something will take her 5 days but knows it will most probably only take her 4. That way, she has got some leeway for childcare issues, pet related issues etc. She doesn't charge a day rate but charges for the job so it makes no difference to the customer. It does means she earns less but she enjoys the odd Friday off and often has a list of people who want really small bits of work needing to be done so can call them on a Wednesday evening and say she'll do their job on a Friday.
I also think you need to be firmer with nursery. He's a bit clingy - well, why don't they see how he does for the next hour or so and then let you know. He's a bit warm on waking up - well, they know that's standard for your DS by now so why don't they see how he is in an hour.
I would also say don't rely on the fact that emergency days are paid at your place. Ours used to be but after a couple of people had a run of having one or two days off a week for months, the policy was revised.

Sounds very much like my nursery rules. Fair enough, too!

As a childminder, I won't take "potentially unwell children"
I do have a policy and it's 48 hours just like nurseries and most schools.
I have a duty to protect the children in my care from contagious illnesses.(it's in the EYFS documents)
If a child needs calpol then they need to stay at home.
Exceptions are common colds, if I excluded for that then I'd have no children in the winter months.
I also have it in my contracts that if a parent knowingly sends a sick child I can terminate the contract immediately!
So if you choose a childminder make sure you have a good chat about illnesses and that your/her expectaions are.

Am in the camp of considering a childminder? I know they are like gold-dust, and it doesn’t protect your child from never getting ill, but amongst my CM friends (I was one for a while too) you tend to find their charges get ill less often due to a smaller cohort. A CM can be more fastidious in ensuring hands are washed etc where a nursery may not be able to.

I think you may also want to discuss flexible working with your company. ie, can you log on and work in the evening when your DH is home so that you are working more efficiently and effectively on sickness days - at least until you are over this hump? It sounds as though you have, at the moment, understanding employers and colleagues but sometimes good will wanes if you aren’t seen to be doing something about it… such as exploring the CM option?

I would be pretty pissed off with nursery if they sent my child home because of clinginess or not being themself. That’s not an illness. I would want something more tangible than that, and I’d be complaining if it happened again. My little snot bags are off sick enough without that, specially in the first 6-8 months!

Understandable for the other issues. 3x loose stools, or 1 vomit gets ours sent home, as does a fever.

child 1 started nursery during Covid. DH and I both started new jobs around the same time. Bloody nightmare. I felt like you did, worried the team was picking up my slack,worried about passing probation, worried about having to take constant time off - every temperature needed a Covid test so that was 48 hours off straight away. It was never Covid, just normal colds and bugs. Very glad I work for a supportive employer

I had this exact conversation with someone at work yesterday. Yes you feel guilty, you KNOW its an issue, your company are supportive and your kid will grow out of it at some point.

Assume you've been there more than 2 years which means you have more employment rights?

Some companies / bosses are ok with this. Mine are and it sounds like yours are too. Just do your best, perform as well as you can and pray it will improve.

So does your reputation.

Sorry, what?

Decorators round here are booked solid for months! He needs to take on fewer jobs so that there's slack in his schedule to look after his child. Tradesmen are notoriously unreliable, which has a plus side in that being unreliable is basically expected of them.

She feels like she’s taking the piss because she’s been off a lot due to kids with nursery bugs. Because she’s not in the office the mandated number of days. Sounds like she’s got a decent employer who understands it’s one of those things and won’t last forever.

Seeing as she’s EXPLICITLY asked and they’ve EXPLICITLY said it’s not a problem, I’d say that answers that question.

Behind the policies and beyond common practice … well therein lies manager or HR discretion. Manager says it’s ok. It’s ok.

Don’t feel bad OP. It’s one of those things and sounds like you’ve got a supportive employer. Good for you! If you get it paid then even better.

Its over 20 years ago now but I used to tag team with my husband. He's a teacher so tricky for him to get time off but he would go in early and then set work, teach a bit and leave early so I could go in for the afternoon. We didn't take the piss so to speak and my job was just as important as his. There are ways around it - you just need to be more flexible and creative.

They are being very careful in what they say. Resentment is growing. You are not being fair to your colleagues. I worked in a school years ago. I was a single parent of 2 and only took time off if I absolutely had to. My children were generally very healthy and old enough to know that, unless they were actually at deaths door, they just had to go to school ( I realise your child is far younger than that). I got paid if I was off for a day with a sick child, which was absolutely crucial as my exhusband was patchy with money. Another teacher returned from mat leave. She was off for a day/ two days/ three days a week every week. Her child didn't have serious health problems, if she sneezed her mother took a day off. In the end the governors acted. We all got a letter to say that, if we took time off with a sick child, that was absolutely understandable, but we would no longer be paid unless the child was in hospital with a serious illness. She didn't particularly care because she had a husband with a very well paid job. Not being paid was far more serious for me. Be careful. You will muck it up for yourself abd fir the parents that come after you.

Absolutely. This is why the OP needs to check her employer’s policy because they might actually pay for some of the leave she needs to take, through one policy or another .

However, her posts seem to suggest she thinks she is going beyond what is allowed in the policy because she thinks she’s “pushing it”

Do you know what your employer’s policy says OP?
Beyond that, are you aware of what is common practice in your organisation?

Ok but you do need to consider the employed person's position too - it could lead to them losing their job completely? Or limiting promotion opportunities- it is so short sighted.

Doesn't have to be 50/50 but surely OP's DH could rearrange his working hours to at least do her 3 days required in the office? She is leaving herself massively open to being managed out.

So you get your full salary while doing less, your husband gets his full salary while doing the same amount of work and everyone else at your work gets to do all the work you aren’t doing for the same amount of money but with the added bonus of going home even more tired and stressed every day.

The only one of those that the nursery would definitely need to send home for is a temperature. Loose stools are not the same as diarrhoea which they should be sending home for. Also 'not himself' or 'clingy' is a bit vague and could be used as an excuse to offload children.

Do you know any of the other parents at the nursery? Do they have a similar experience? As a parent I would not be happy with my child being sent home every week. When my children were in nursery they were sent home perhaps once every couple of months. Obviously I would collect them if asked but if they were sent home weekly I might start looking for alternative childcare.

Unpaid parental leave is different and separate to this. Don’t conflate the 2. 2 separate rights with separate rules and purposes. There is also a legal right to time off for dependants, whether paid or not. It’s covered in the employee rights act. While there is no requirement to pay many employers do choose to pay. If they choose to pay and OP is using that benefit, or annual leave etc I’m really not sure what the issue is!

I think your DH needs to try to do 50% but I understand sometimes that isn't easy. I think thankfully a lot of employers and colleagues have been there and will give you extra flexibility the first few months back as nursery illnesses are just awful. We have used nursery and it has some advantages but when we've used childminders we've had far fewer illnesses and by the time pre-school or school starts they have more developed immune systems whether they attended nursery or not.

Seem like nursery staff look for excuses to reduce their workload!