To think I’m pushing it with my employer?

That would definitely be the case if OP's manager was happy to extend deadlines so that she can complete her work once her child is back in nursery.

However, if the deadlines are fixed so OP's work then needs to be completed by the other members of the team, this will surely lead to resentment, particularly if this means that they need to work late or at weekends so they see less of their own families?

Yes, I think that's a really sensible way to run a trade anyway, because it means you get an even BETTER recommendation for clearing out early for the big jobs, and you can mop up those small jobs (probably at a better rate because people don't take them on).

I would bet a lot of money that if you were self employed and your husband was employed you would be doing most of the childcare still

Make your husband step up

I voted YABU as you raised this with your employer and they responded to say they are not concerned. Mine are older teens now, but we went through all of this when mine started nursery. Those first few months of starting nursery are the worst (or best for building their immunity) so the chances are you're through the worst. Agree with PP - any chance of you making up hours in the evening? Shows goodwill towards your colleagues

Hi, I work full time and I felt after my second that I was very unreliable as I was having to take time off a lot due to child sickness. The first six months were rough but it does get better as they get older. Every cold won't come with a temperature.

I felt utterly exhausted as to stay on top of my job I often had to work into the evenings.

My message - it will get better

Your husband needs to step up and if your team are covering they are likely to get annoyed before your manager. It's tricky with a young one but if you are getting a full time wage you really need to make an effort, I'm not saying you'll never need carers leave but it shouldn't all be down to you. I was a single parent and did find a childminder more flexible than nursery and also useful for getting a wrap around place when school started.

Your DH needs to step up. You say he will lose reputation....but even though you're still being paid its still likely losing reputation. It needs balancing a bit more so its not all on you. Or reduce to flexible working while your little one is so little. This is life with kids whilst working, it's a tough juggling act.

I wouldn't worry. It can't be helped.

FWIW my DS got a new illness every 3 weeks when he started nursery, each lasting 2 weeks! This completely calmed down at the 7 months point (I vividly remember as I'd read it would take 6 months to calm down and had been panicking it never would). So you probably don't have long to go till things will get better and you'll be able to be present at work more. Your work probably understand it will settle down. Keep moving forward, it will be ok and the constant illnesses will soon be a distant memory (unless you have another baby, my second started nursery last week - pray for me)!

From my own experience i would do these:

• make sure you go in every week. Eg if you drop your DC at nursery on Monday then go in. If he's ill at the start of the week expect to go in at the end
• if you stay at home with DC can DH finish work a bit earlier so you can focus on your work for a few hours whilst colleagues still around
• can you catch up in the evening if you've had downtime with DC during the day
• take some annual leave to cover the downtime for example if you've worked 2 or 3 part days in a week then take a half or full day leave. I'm not sure if my employer would have requested this but it made me feel better
• could you share days with DH eg both work half a day on the sick days and you could still go in to the office for half a day
• things are likely to improve in the spring can DH put more flex in his own schedule until then

The first year of nursery is brutal and I felt bad every time I needed time off for sickness but it is what it is. Your employer has said all the right things, only you know whether they are likely to mean it or not. Goodwill goes a long way so if there's anymore that you can do from your side eg the things above then that is likely to go down well with your boss and team.

Are you pushing it?

Yes.

Is it a problem yet? No.

It does sound like you and your partner need to reconsider a few things including:

Split of childcare responsibilities during working hours. You get paid and he doesn’t, but that doesn’t mean you take the Micky with your employer. Starting point needs to be 50/50. You’ll only keep getting paid for emergency childcare if you keep your job. You may also find that you’re stretching the definition of emergency childcare. For many that means enough time to make appropriate arrangements. Be that finding someone else to look after the child, or for you to make arrangements to take the necessary leave. A routine illness that your child has yesterday is a logistics challenge, not an emergency.

Your childcare arrangements. If your nursery are as restrictive on unsettled / temp of 37 / single loose nappy then they may not be what you need long term for a senior role. You may be better with one with a slightly more pragmatic attitude. No one expects nursery to keep a sick child, but it’s reasonable for them to care for children with normal variation through the day.

How you use your leave and your approach to working hours. Given a lot of this isn’t emergency child care, you need to be sensible about this. Maybe book a days annual leave a week for the next 6 week and reduce your total working hours. When you’re working at home with a child be realistic about how much you can actually do and see what can make up in the evening.

OP, word to the wise.

STOP saying to your employer that you are worried you are not performing/up to scratch.

It sounds like they are being supportive, which is great. But if they were minded to let you go, YOU ARE GIVING THEM REASONS AND EVIDENCE TO DO SO SAFELY.

Protect yourself and your DC. You can only do your best.

That’s quite a jump.
Her employer is quite fine with it.
Nursery bugs are time limited. She’s pretty much at the end of the worst bit!

Have you considered a nanny? That would allow for sickness cover. Recognise it's not cheap but the current set up does sound unsustainable, for your employer to tolerate.

💯

This might be your first child but good employers have been through this many many times professionally. And maybe even personally. They know that whilst you’re perhaps not a fully performing team member now you’re doing your best and it’s generally for a short period compared to your working lifespan. You just need to ride it out

The first year is brutal but it is only temporary - their immune system gets better and also when they're older they can entertain themselves a but better when they're off with you

To keep the good will though I'd be trying to come up with a solution like working at the weekend or evenings when your husband is home, so that you can catch up on some work

I wouldn't bother with childminders, that can leave you more vulnerable when they're ill or have other emergencies that means they can't take your child (but that's just me)

Agree - we have decorators in now and one of the team has had both kids sick (one before xmas, the other afterwards). He has shared care with his ex so also needs to do pick up and drop offs some days, but he was clear that he does this. They will come in on a Saturday to work if they have fallen behind. Reputation is about reliability - if your DH is up front [ie has a young baby so may need flexibility] most people hiring them will take that into consideration.

We have no issues, even though it means the job may take a week longer than originally planned, because the quality of work is excellent and the communication has been open and honest.

Firstly DH needs to do more regarding pick-ups & drop offs as he can schedule his own time. I’m not sure why you can manage 2 days but not 3 days? I bet on the days he does drop off you are still getting DC ready in the morning, when you probably need to leave before DC wakes up & get in super early to leave on time.

Secondly, get tougher with nursery. At the moment they see you as a soft touch. Before COVID, most nurseries would (with permission) give Calpol for slight temperatures & only send the child home if their temperature didn’t come down. Now, I see my colleagues being called because the child is teething etc.

Obviously, I’m not suggesting leaving a sick child in nursery. But have a word with the nursery manager or just be less available. So if they phone up with loose stools, tell them you wouldn’t be able to get there for several hours as you’re working away, but you’ll call in an hour to see how he is.

If they are frequently calling near the beginning of a morning or afternoon session, I would also suspect they are overbooked and looking to off load. Or they are understaffed & can’t factor in a child that needs a bit more attention. They are calling you because they know you will be more likely to drop everything without question than (eg) a doctor who has a full clinic or surgery booked. If it’s going to be a couple of hours before you can collect, it won’t help their ratios so less likely to call you unless it’s actually necessary.

Slightly different perspective here - I’d say you’re almost through the worst, 3-6 months of constant illness is the norm when they start nursery but often after that there pretty resilient to most bugs. I wouldn’t dash to swap settings if you’re otherwise happy. Agree on your DH building in a bit of slack to help out too though.

Agree with the CM comments - no they will not take sick children (rightly) but your child will be exposed to less. Mine went to CM and although they were sick on occasion it was nothing like as frequent as kids who go to nursery seem to come down with things

Yes, this - the suggestion about the CM is not that you can send sick kids OP, it’s about the fact that if they are only mixing with 2-6 other kids, they are exposed to fewer germs so will get sick less often than in a nursery where there may be 20-30 different kids, plus 4-8 more adult staff.

The issue you seem to have is recurrent sickness - reducing germ exposure and moving to an environment where the caregiver is less likely to miss hygiene routine seems to be key to helping reduce your child’s sickness and negatively impacting your attendance/productivity at work.

I think the true position is between the 2 options you have presented.

You aren’t taking the piss but equally this situation isn’t sustainable either.

The statutory right is to unpaid time off for dependants in an emergency situation. Whilst you are being paid now, I expect the time will come where your employer tells you this will now move to unpaid.

I think you need to look at options such as more reliable childcare, going part time, and what your partner can do to pull his weight.

This.

But you OP could lose your job and your family’s secure income. Stop trying to be superwoman and get H to share the load.
Hopefully this is a blip and your child will be over his illnesses soon x