To think I’m pushing it with my employer?

Please let me know where you work. Not because I need time off but good culture😉

It's possible that the nursery has their staff on zero hours contracts, so sending children home when they don't really seem to be ill, would enable them to send staff home.
The parents are paying for the place regardless, and some staff costs are saved.

Nowadays? Has no one ever worked with kids before ? 😂

Happy to say that to women, yet men have been doing this since the dawn of humanity.

This is what happens when people have children nowadays. Don't have a child if you want to work as well. Having a child is a job, beyond my understanding to have a child for someone else to look after !!

Boss in OP case is unphased because it's the colleagues who pick up the slack. Once they start protesting it will become an issue

It sounds incredibly unfair on your colleagues who are having to do extra to compensate you for not being there. You and your husband sound completely selfish. He needs take responsibility for looking after his child too.

Yeap, this is normal

The first time I went to my boss to ask to go and collect my child from nursery due to illness I was clearly looking a bit flapped. I never forget what he said: ‘what feels like a huge issue for you really isn’t a massive issue for me right now’. It put things into perspective for sure.

I had the winter from hell last year with 3 kids in a constant cycle of illness for 6 months. I think that if you make up the hours when you can and always tell your boss your plan for doing so before they have to ask you, you’ll be fine.

You said your job was well paid, when my kids were similar age and off sick due to illness, I worked and hired a nanny. If you have family who can help that is great but I didn’t have that luxury.

You really want to maintain the goodwill of your team because if they start complaining the management support will evaporate. If your child is regularly poorly I think your husband needs to accept fewer jobs and you share the childcare responsibility. That would mean he can handle the workload even if he has to take a day or two out mid-job to care for your child. I know that may not be great for his reputation but on the other hand, if he explains he has a poorly child, people tend to understand that comes first. You are better off doing this than risking your job entirely.

Look at it from your colleagues point of view- they have to pick up your work. It's all very well your employer being sympathetic- he/she is not picking up the slack.
your colleagues are likely to be resentful- I'd treat them regularly- take in cakes, treat them to lunch, that kind of thing-don't take it for granted, just because your employer is onside.

Your employer sounds quite understanding. I’d try a childminder and putting in the extra hours as you may one day be thinking about another child and you will most definitely need an understanding employer then.

Why are you not working in the evening to make up for the lost time? At least when OH comes home he can manage the children.

Or are you also going to say OP that ‘he works so hard….).

I am actually quite annoyed because it’s people like you taking the piss is why women historically and still are underpaid because employers think women will get pregnant then take the piss like you are.

yes you can’t help child is unwell but you can definitely help by doing the work you are getting paid to do. It sounds like your are doing FA, leaving it to your work colleagues and expecting your bosses to continue to pay you full whack. CF.

Do the honourable thing. Make up the time in the evenings or weekends. Or go p/t. Or leave.

Just to clarify misleading info someone has given you, childminders can’t take unwell children - they have to follow the same procedures, however you may find that as the number of children they mix with is significantly lower, the amount of bugs and viral infections they get is lower.
I have used a mixture of childminders and nurseries for all 3 of my children, and they’ve all still had that horrible period in winter where you feel like you don’t go a week without another illness but it’s been less than friends children who have something all winter and also all summer whom are at nursery.
I wouldn’t worry too much though, you’re legally protected to an extent as it’s parental leave, and any of the management who have children will also remember the days where they felt the same, is there an option to pick some work up after your child’s bedtime? And be quite vocal about that if you chose to do it so they can see that you’re genuinely trying to make up your hours.

Also, try multi vitamin drops for your LO, you can get drops for their bottle depending on age and your HV should beable to give you some for free. Encourage extra hand washing if they’re old enough, these little things can make a difference!

I just took annual leave when mine were sick. Admittedly it would be at short notice but that way I didn't feel like I was taking the piss or that colleagues were resentful. In fact the first year I used my entire annual leave entitlement to cover when they were sick (I had twins so double trouble!) You are lucky your team is supportive but it may wear a bit thin. But as everyone has said, it does get better. The first year is the worst.

but DH will lose money and reputation if he misses work - he is a decorator. I get paid a salary which is not affected if I miss work.

Employers who are seen as the soft touch eventually get fed up that it's their business which carries the can rather than your husband's business or his employer's business.

Your choice to have a child was exactly that. Your choice. It was not the choice of your colleagues and constantly expecting them to increase their workload for no extra pay is massively unreasonable. Occasionally it is unavoidable; any reasonable person should understand this. But this should not be a regular occurrence and if it is, you should consider whether working for a full-time wage is right for you at this point in your life.

It will be affected in the long run. You may risk not getting promotions, you might not want to apply for more senior jobs as you become the default parent.
Fine if that's your decision but make sure you go into this consciously and make that decision, don't just presume you have to do this and you partner doesn't

👍

Don’t worry - I avoid legal firms like the plague, for the reasons given previously. I like having decent staff benefits.

I’m not prepared to take a financial hit for my employer (no one should be) and I’m not emotionally entrenched in my colleagues. I like them and all but I wouldn’t die for them. My responsibility is to my family. My employer has responsibilities to my colleagues.

It’s a tough truth for some people to accept! Some people are so enmeshed in the lives of their colleagues and have nothing outside. Some people feel that their work colleagues are their family. They aren’t though. Bringing your whole self to work is a lie. I like to keep workpotatoes and homepotatoes separate. I don’t share anything ‘real’ there.

I’ve worked with others who wouldn’t even share what they’d done at the weekend, such was their desire to keep work and personal separate.

Not sure what’s unpleasant about any of that.

Anyway, successful derailment of the thread. Sorry OP! Hope the nursery bugs are better soon x

Say you’ve not read the full thread without saying you’ve not read the full thread.

I address that paid time off is optional in previous posts. I thought solicitors (I snooped) had better attention to detail?

My poorly child is hypothetical. I am an absolutely fantastic employee though. When I have been off (I’ve been there with that poorly child in the past!) they’ve been great, covered my work, didn’t expect my self employed DH to lose a days pay. This has been reciprocated, because we are a team, and the work is shared by the team - not because I have some emotional weight of obligation.

We do pay our staff though. It’s a lot more than twice, too. We don’t even have the best employee centred approach - I know of several private sector firms who pay for unlimited time off. When our staff have exhausted the paid leave we usually look at it case by case and try to find a way to keep paying them, because our staff matter to us. This isn’t unusual though, it’s been the same in most places I’ve worked. It’s obvious when it’s a genuine case. No wonder you don’t believe I work in HR! Not in line with Mumsnet sentiment about HR at all.

I know quite a few people who work within legal firms, across all roles. What they all have in common is that their employers give them as little as they can get away with while being compliant with legislation. Always surprised me about legal firms.

I almost wish AllThePotatoesAreSinging
would come through with her threat of sending me her LinkedIn profile so I could avoid the risk of ever employing someone so unpleasant.

and I would still be paid for my time off with my poorly child

Perhaps you're such a fantastic employee your contract allows this and pays you. Legally your employer may pay you for time off to look after dependants but they do not have to. Surprised you don't know that, what with being in HR. My firm will pay if it's only once or twice, but after that, we don't.

I freelance and don't have coworkers, but if I worked with a sanctimonious cow like yourself I would refuse to do even fraction of your work, as I 'owe you nothing', you're right about that