Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your wedding day was as perfect as you intended?

34 replies

Yoursfaithfully · 14/01/2025 22:31

I was reading a post on here earlier, about a wedding day where some guests cancelled at the last minute. It got me thinking about my own wedding and the drama that unfurled as the day went on. DId your day go as planned or did you have a few curved balls to deal with as well? It seems so much time and effort goes towards creating the 'perfect' day, I just wonder if anyone ever actually achieves it!

My hiccups:

I got married on the day of Princess Diana's funeral and one of my guests got up halfway through our vows and walked out of the church never to be seen again. I heard later that him and his wife just felt it too hypocritical to be part of a celebration when the rest of the nation was united in mourning, and on reflection they were surprised that we still went ahead with our wedding on the same day. Err, it had been planned about 18 months previously, what were we supposed to do? The vicar did ask for our guests to partake in a minute's silence before the service started so that everyone could acknowledge the event and then move on without it casting a shadow on the rest of the service. It seems that wasn't enough for our two runaways though! AIBU to think if they felt that strongly about it, they should have just not turned up at all?

It didn't stop there...our reception was held at a hotel just a matter of minutes away from Great Brington (the neighbouring village to Althorp) and was descended upon by a host of journalists and press who were reporting on the wedding, while they awaited the arrival of Diana's procession at Althorp House. We had chosen a buffet-style meal for the wedding breakfast, with hot and cold options ranging from a couple of whole poached salmons to beef Wellington and all manner of lovely things in between. However, when we arrived at the hotel from the church, my parents were taken to one side by a petrified-looking manager who had to impart the information that most of our buffet had....gone. Literally gone, as in gobbled up by the hungry journalists, gone. Apparently, when they saw the food being set out in a room near to the one they had been allocated to put their cameras, kit etc in., they assumed it had been laid on in their honour and dug in. It was pretty horrendous, they managed to devour both the salmons, all the beef Wellingtons, most of the cold meats and half the salads before they were spotted and stopped. I honestly can't remember what the hotel managed to cobble together for us, but I do know we weren't charged for any of the food that day, and the evening buffet had obscene amounts of food thrown at it. I don't think I've ever seen so many chicken drumsticks!

Luckily, everyone saw the funny side of it and it was certainly a talking point for a good while afterwards. It didn't spoil the day one jot, as my lovely late Mum said at the time "It's food, not blood". There was plenty to drink, great music for dancing and everyone had a good time celebrating with us. And almost 28 years later, we STILL laugh over it. Although I can't help but think that if such a bodge-up was to happen in today's 'where there's blame, there's a claim' culture, that far more would have been made of it....compensation bayed for, newspapers hunted down and sued, the Daily Mail called in perhaps?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
mogtheexcellent · 10/03/2025 22:08

Yoursfaithfully · 14/01/2025 22:31

I was reading a post on here earlier, about a wedding day where some guests cancelled at the last minute. It got me thinking about my own wedding and the drama that unfurled as the day went on. DId your day go as planned or did you have a few curved balls to deal with as well? It seems so much time and effort goes towards creating the 'perfect' day, I just wonder if anyone ever actually achieves it!

My hiccups:

I got married on the day of Princess Diana's funeral and one of my guests got up halfway through our vows and walked out of the church never to be seen again. I heard later that him and his wife just felt it too hypocritical to be part of a celebration when the rest of the nation was united in mourning, and on reflection they were surprised that we still went ahead with our wedding on the same day. Err, it had been planned about 18 months previously, what were we supposed to do? The vicar did ask for our guests to partake in a minute's silence before the service started so that everyone could acknowledge the event and then move on without it casting a shadow on the rest of the service. It seems that wasn't enough for our two runaways though! AIBU to think if they felt that strongly about it, they should have just not turned up at all?

It didn't stop there...our reception was held at a hotel just a matter of minutes away from Great Brington (the neighbouring village to Althorp) and was descended upon by a host of journalists and press who were reporting on the wedding, while they awaited the arrival of Diana's procession at Althorp House. We had chosen a buffet-style meal for the wedding breakfast, with hot and cold options ranging from a couple of whole poached salmons to beef Wellington and all manner of lovely things in between. However, when we arrived at the hotel from the church, my parents were taken to one side by a petrified-looking manager who had to impart the information that most of our buffet had....gone. Literally gone, as in gobbled up by the hungry journalists, gone. Apparently, when they saw the food being set out in a room near to the one they had been allocated to put their cameras, kit etc in., they assumed it had been laid on in their honour and dug in. It was pretty horrendous, they managed to devour both the salmons, all the beef Wellingtons, most of the cold meats and half the salads before they were spotted and stopped. I honestly can't remember what the hotel managed to cobble together for us, but I do know we weren't charged for any of the food that day, and the evening buffet had obscene amounts of food thrown at it. I don't think I've ever seen so many chicken drumsticks!

Luckily, everyone saw the funny side of it and it was certainly a talking point for a good while afterwards. It didn't spoil the day one jot, as my lovely late Mum said at the time "It's food, not blood". There was plenty to drink, great music for dancing and everyone had a good time celebrating with us. And almost 28 years later, we STILL laugh over it. Although I can't help but think that if such a bodge-up was to happen in today's 'where there's blame, there's a claim' culture, that far more would have been made of it....compensation bayed for, newspapers hunted down and sued, the Daily Mail called in perhaps?

I was day of a royal wedding in a location connected to one of the couple.

Was hell. Wasn't the worst thing about the wedding surprisingly.

Flopsy145 · 10/03/2025 22:04

We had a lovely day but honestly I felt quite flat after all the build up and planning and money on a day that flew by. My hair didn't go right and in the few shots of me, dh and the kids I don't love how I look and wish we had taken more. Got some good couple ones and of me and my dd, parents and bridal party etc. but tbh we have since had another child so will rectify by having a lovely outdoor family photo shoot somewhere next summer, and I'll wear a white summer dress.
We also had people just not turn up which upset me as the tables weren't full and I thought it was rude.
If I could go back I would have changed my hair style and put a few "must have" photo requests into my photographer. And would have done a fool proof hair style.
But tbh getting to call my dh husband means I would look back with fond memories if I'd been in jeans in a registry office and that's the main thing ❤️

stargirl1701 · 10/03/2025 21:05

We had a 'big' wedding with 120 guests in 2011. Very traditionally Scottish in a castle with a ceilidh. The whole day ran perfectly. It rained (October in the Highlands) but that meant the fires were all lit which just added to the atmosphere.

I hosted a 'Show of Presents' 4 weeks later. That was obviously traditional but not the timing being after rather than before.

tuvamoodyson · 10/03/2025 20:57

Yes…gorgeous, sunny day, I loved every minute of our wedding day! ❤️

PollyHutchen · 10/03/2025 20:55

I had a very simple small local Quaker wedding.

The very simple Quaker wedding was fixed for a day when the nation was in the middle of a fuel strike so a significant number of the people we had invited - including someone who was suppose to be witnessing the official stuff - couldn't come. Arguably the smallness was quite fortunate as all the local Quakers could simply walk there.

I remember my stepdaughter and stepson arguing and my stepdaughter refusing to get out of the car outside the Meeting House. My husband-to-be went ashen, and I ended up having to go back to the car and say, 'Stepdaughter your brother was way annoying so of course you need to make a point, but as your Dad and I are getting married in a few minutes, perhaps you'd be very grown up and put your quite reasonable annoyance on one side and come and see us get married.

A friend of mine had done some flowers, and then the Quaker who normally arranges stuff for the service, shifted my friend's bright arrangements to one side, and put a bud vase with two small rather dead flowers in the centre of the room instead.

My mother had a face like a funeral on her because she hates going anywhere.

During the service someone got up and ministered about, 'the autumnal wine being the sweetest'. Yes, I was 40 at the time, but didn't feel quite in the autumn of my days yet

Someone took a few photographs outside. They mainly feature the Meeting House Garden Shed. It is a very ordinary looking shed.

My mother left the post-wedding bring and share lunch early on the grounds of needing a rest, but said loudly in her best polite voice, 'Thank you for inviting me.'

As alcohol isn't served in Quaker venues, we eventually sloped off home with some of the not too Quakerly Quakers and knocked back some wine.

It was a splendid day.

Echobelly · 10/03/2025 20:53

I never intended it to be perfect because that way madness lies. Stuff was going to go wrong, so be it.

DH was very into the idea of an outdoorsy wedding, and as we're Jewish we didn't have to get married inside the venue, but thank God I insisted on having a marquee over the clearing we had the ceremony in, because basically this was a summer full of floods and heavy rain. It had poured the entire day previously, but did stop in the evening, only to resume with an utter downpour just before the ceremony, which luckily I just found funny and it did stop just as the ceremony began and stayed dry the rest of the day.

I couldn't see a good friend of mine, and after the ceremony I called him to find he thought it was the next weekend - I still take the piss out of him about that! No, he wasn't avoiding it because he was secretly in love with me or something, he's just a dopey stoner! But that's the only thing I'm a bit sad about the day (and DH too).

We had a vague plan that some friends would camp on the site, which was something they'd allow, and we'd have a bit of an after party once most guests went home - we had a coach as it was about 2 hours from London where we and most guests lived. Dinner took a little longer than expected, so only got about an hour of dancing in before the coach left and no one was camping because of the weather, so we just finished up, but I didn't mind, DH and I got to enjoy more of our fancy hotel - unlike some couples we weren't too drunk or tired to, ahem, consumate the marriage (not that we needed to!)

Overall it was wonderful, though,it felt very much like 'our' day and though it was a lot of bloody work thanks to DH being insistent on a country wedding - I didn't have a better idea, so I went along with it - it was totally worth it.

H0210zero · 10/03/2025 20:38

Ours was great. Hubby wants amused to find I had worn a Sunderland strip under my wedding dress. (He's a Newcastle supporter). But all in good fun. My DH's parents weren't there. They've been estranged and didn't agree but it didn't spoil our day. People stepped up and we had a great time. Only thing I regret was my main song choice. I had the planned one stored on a memory stick and then left it at my mums house and had to settle for another. It was a personal song so it did upset me.

Trolllol · 09/03/2025 18:27

Mine ran exactly as planned, everyone had a wonderful time and we went straight on our honeymoon after. It’s sad looking back sometimes because weddings hold something unique in people. Having been a guest now to several, I think when you attend you remember your own wedding and (I suppose if successful) it seems to create a real vibe of hope.

I wish I could host an event like it one day but I’m not sure anything would compare.

Cynic17 · 09/03/2025 18:24

It's a very long time ago, so I can't really remember, but I don't think I ever wanted it to be "perfect". I just wanted to marry my husband (which I did) and for our guests to enjoy themselves (which I think they did). That's pretty much all you need.

Papadonut · 09/03/2025 18:19

I had been with DH for 12 years by then, to me our wedding wasn't that special. The location was beautiful, everything went fine, it was grey though. But it was just okay. I don't cherish it, I cherish the fact that I got to wake up with him everyday since we did long distance over a few cities in our 12 years together.

liquoricetorpedoes · 15/01/2025 07:07

Can’t beat the journalists eating the food!

Mine was chaotic but filled with love and laughter. We had arranged everything within 2 months whilst I was on maternity leave on a strict budget. Our twins were 4 months old, one screamed through the ceremony and we took our vows both bouncing screaming babies.

My Mum threw a couple of tantrums and we almost had a blazing row as she had taken the babies into another room at the reception and shouted at me that no one was helping or had given her a drink.

The reason for the rush was that my Dad was terminally ill and I really wanted him to walk me down the aisle. He did, it was the last time he went out apart from to the hospital and he died 2 months later. So all the stress pales into insignificance against those memories. Dh and I are about to celebrate our 22nd anniversary.

5foot5 · 14/01/2025 23:54

I think our only blip was that Mum got so incredibly wound up on the morning she had an absolute meltdown. My lovely big sister was trying to calm her down but that seemed to make it worse, to the point where she claimed she was going to get the bus in to town and miss the whole thing! At this point I burst in to tears too and eventually she calmed down.

For a while I held it against her a bit, but I later realised that she was probably already under a lot of stress with my Dad's health. Very soon later he was diagnosed with cancer and was dead within 6 months.

My DD is in late 20s and no sign of a permanent relationship yet. But I always vowed that come the day she gets married I will do everything in my power to make her wedding morning as relaxed as possible. Breakfast in bed, champagne, whatever she fancies.

Heelworkhero · 14/01/2025 23:36

We got slightly rained on in our open carriage trailer thing. Also, it went at about 50 miles an hour at one point, which was very blowy and the music didn’t work.
After the ceremony, the vicar disappeared quickly and locked up. My new husband had to keep an eye out while I hitched up my dress and wee’d in a bush!!

But I had no preconceived ideas of a ‘perfect day’. It was just the day we had chosen to get married on. Certainly no years of planning.

KnickerlessParsons · 14/01/2025 23:33

Yoursfaithfully · 14/01/2025 22:58

Well, that was its own f-up in my original post! I've just noticed I've stated 'wedding' when it should clearly have said 'funeral' (and too late to edit):

...and was descended upon by a host of journalists and press who were reporting on the wedding funeral....

Is make the same comments about a funeral as a wedding. I wouldn't want either to be boringly perfect.

JC03745 · 14/01/2025 23:32

-For the ceremony, I wanted a harpist, and SIL recommended someone from the orchestra she played in. All seemed fine, we spoke before the wedding to arrange the songs etc. I knew the fee verbally, but no invoice had been sent, no mention of when she wanted paying or how. During my wedding, she accosted my mum asking for payment! I married at 32! I'd organised the harpist myself- my mum had nothing to do with it. The harpist demanded payment before she left the venue.
-I forgot my 'something blue' which was a blue garter. Together 23yrs and married 14 so far though.
-It rained when we should have had the photos, meaning the planned beachside pics had to change to inside the venue.
-The photographer was starting out with weddings and took absolutely no family pics! I'd specifically said beforehand who I wanted family pics with- my mum, nan and brother. I kept thinking 'these will be taken later' because I had so much else going on with the harpist and other things. I never got any family pics at all!

WheresMyPrefectBadge · 14/01/2025 23:31

Can't top your day OP - particularly the journalists scoffing the buffet!! But here's my imperfect day..

The night before our wedding it started to snow. This wasn't forecast. My sister was staying with me while my husband-to-be stayed at his parents. As we were going to bed, my sister commented on the snow and said "Don't worry, it's not the kind that sticks." The following morning we awoke to about 4 inches of the stuff, and continuing heavy snowfall. I had to dig out a path to the road, so I'd be able to walk to the wedding car, and sprinkled it with salt and cat litter.

At the church I had to be carried in by the photographer and my brother as it was impossible to walk in my wedding shoes. Several guests fell over. In the stress of getting from the house to the car, I forgot my huge bouquet, so had to carry my MOH's tiny little bunch. The sit-down reception was fine but some guests left early as the snow continued falling and they were worried about getting home.

We then had a call from the evening DJ to say he couldn't get there as the drive up to the venue was blocked, so husband, best man, FIL and my brother went out with shovels to clear the drive. Amazingly, everyone invited for the evening made it - arriving in various combinations of ski gear and snowboots. We called time early however as everyone was worried about getting out!

DH had booked us a surprise night away in a posh hotel as we weren't due to go on honeymoon for a couple of days, but the hotel called to say they had to cancel as staff couldn't get in, so we gathered up some buffet leftovers, were driven home very very slowly (we had planned a taxi but that cancelled too) collapsed on the sofa, ate left over buffet food and watched the boxing on telly.

It could have been worse - there was a wedding after ours that day, half the guests didn't make it and they had to cancel their reception as the venue was inaccessible.

This all happened decades ago, in the 80s, but nobody involved has ever forgotten our wedding!

AlpacaMittens · 14/01/2025 23:25

It was truly a lovely day. Me, my partner of 13 years, and two witnesses. All done in 10 minutes, we then all went out for a relaxed meal, and then back to our (new) home to snuggle with our elderly cat. Bliss ❤️ A day I will cherish for years to come.

BeachHutsAndDeckchairs · 14/01/2025 23:14

We didn't expect a perfect day, we just wanted a lovely day and it was. It had been raining heavily for weeks and the day before it was stormy but the clouds parted and our day was filled with glorious sunshine.

TicTac80 · 14/01/2025 23:13

I had a fab wedding (shame the marriage didn't last though!). The weird thing that almost happened was one of XH's friends called him last minute and said she wouldn't make it. Her reasons? She was in love with him and would have said something when the priest asked the congregation to speak now (or forever hold your peace)!! That would have gone down like a shit sandwich, wouldn't it? Wedding would have had to be halted whilst priest investigated things!!!

Chipshopninja · 14/01/2025 23:12

Oh and after the wedding one of my relatives left an absolutely scathing and inaccurate review of the venue. Wanker

Chipshopninja · 14/01/2025 23:10

We had a few no shows and some who left early but it didn't spoil things at all. They all had good reasons too.

I think in the run up to it if I'd been asked I would have thought it would have spoiled things but nope.
I had the best day despite things not going quite according to plan.

I think the modern day pressure to have the "perfect day" gets to people

Didimum · 14/01/2025 23:05

Married a shit human the first time around, but the wedding was brilliant. Married the most perfect human second time and the wedding was chaotic and stressful. C’est la vie.

Original poster
Yoursfaithfully · 14/01/2025 23:03

@DaftyLass your day sounds beautiful, see-through-half-a-dress and all, and I bet the bridal suite was an amazing experience!

OP posts:
SP2024 · 14/01/2025 23:00

My first was meh. Nice venue, good food but no one danced. It rained and thundered. The venue was just too spread out and people didn’t come together properly. Probably not helped by marrying wrong person…

My second was fantastic! I just wish I wasn’t so drunk by the end I remember getting home 🤣

Sortumn · 14/01/2025 22:58

We kept it simple. Got married abroad with our immediate family there.
We did have to wait for the neighbour to finish mowing his lawn to have the ceremony, because he wouldn't stop for 5 minutes while we said our vows, which was quite funny.
We got married, had some food and then everyone left us to get on with our day by late afternoon. I wouldn't change anything about it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread